EP135 From An “Unbelievably Small Chance” To Mama Bear

Fearlessly Fertile Podcast with Rosanne Austin

This post was authored by Rosanne on Rosanne Austin.

With IVF failures, miscarriage, and donor egg failures, Michelle could have just thrown in the towel—and no one would have blamed her. BUT, this Mama Bear wasn’t leaving without her baby. Learn how this brave woman stared down sh*tty statistics and a “dismal” history without blinking and is NOW the Mama she was always meant […]

The post EP135 From An “Unbelievably Small Chance” To Mama Bear appeared first on Rosanne Austin.

Transcript:
Hey Gorgeous, if you want success on your fertility journey, you’ve got to have the mindset for it. It’s time to kick fear, negativity, doubt, shame, jealousy, and the whole clown car of low vibe fertility journey BS to the curb. I’m your host, Roseanne Austin, fertility mindset master, former prosecutor and recovering type A control freak perfectionist.

I use the power of mindset to get pregnant naturally and have my baby boy at 43. Despite years of fertility treatment failure, I help women across the globe beat the odds on their fertility journey just like I did. Get ready for a quick hit of confidence, joy, feminine badassery, and loads of hell. Yes.

For your fertility journey, it’s time to get fearless, baby fearlessly fertile. Let’s do this. Welcome to the Fearlessly Fertile Podcast, episode 135 from an unbelievably small chance. To mama bear my loves. I’m so excited to be here with you this week sharing this week’s Amazing interview with one of my most beloved clients Michelle and look, you know I I brag about my ladies all the time, but it’s for good reason.

They make the seemingly impossible possible and when you take in what Michelle is so kindly And generously sharing with us today, I think you’re going to be able to borrow a cup of that faith, borrow a little bit of that grit, and just bask in what is truly possible when you, as a woman, make a decision to be fearless on this journey.

Because. Michelle is a beacon of fearlessness, which is why, like, this, this story that she’s going to be sharing with you, her experience on this journey, I really hope you take it in. And the reason why these women are so generous to share There are stories with you is because one of the most powerful ways that we learn is through story.

And you’re going to hear that Michelle is somebody that she always knew she wanted to be a mom. I mean, she was strategic enough to try to freeze her eggs when she was in her 30s, but she also wanted a very big life. She wanted to travel. She wanted an amazing career, and she wanted to hold out for the love of her life.

And you’re going to hear that she did exactly that. But when it was time for her and her husband to start their family, well, things weren’t going the way that they had expected. And they faced some serious challenges and, you know, which included IVF failures, repeated donor failures, ectopic pregnancy miscarriage.

I mean, they would have had every reason to give up, but Michelle was more committed to her vision. Then her fear and certainly wasn’t going to let any statistics stand in her way. So I hope that you take this brave and amazing woman’s story to heart because I really think that when you share in this, you’re going to find a little bit more of your own fearlessness.

So here is my conversation with the amazing and triumphant. Michelle. Oh, my goodness. Well, we’ll jump right in because I’m like, Oh, she’s I have to be super mindful of your energy right now because your body’s working overtime, sweetheart. A little bit. Yeah. Oh, my gosh. Well, why don’t we start off like This is a conversation.

I think we both look forward to for a very, very long time. Definitely. Definitely. I look forward to it. I imagined it happening, but I don’t know that I, it felt like it was real until even now it feels a little bit surreal, to be honest, but in a good way. Yeah. In such a good way. So why don’t you start us off by sharing, like, how did you find yourself?

On this journey to begin with, it was actually a long journey that just started with always knowing that I wanted to get married and wanted to have kids and frankly, not feeling as much of a sense of urgency for that in my thirties as some, as some women do, but always knowing that that’s what I wanted, even to the extent where 37, I still wasn’t with the right man.

So I knew things weren’t happening then. So I froze my ex. Just as an insurance policy, and then just continue to try and have faith that this would all go down and happen in the way it was meant to. And, um, finally met my husband who truly is, you know, my soulmate and who I’m meant to be with when I was 42.

So, and those years from like, I know. And those years from like 38 to 42 went by super quickly. Like I, and I never really have felt my age. And so, uh, at that point, you know, that was right. And he knew I communicated what I wanted and he wanted it too. And so we got married relatively quickly within, within a year and a half or so.

And it was at that point that it was like, okay, now let’s. Let’s see if we can make this happen. And we knew wouldn’t be easy. We definitely knew that, but also my frozen eggs. And I was just optimistic. Like I finally met him. And so I You know, just had faith that this would happen as well, or at least I did in the very beginning.

And then, and then as that, as we started to tick through the options that we had, it got easier and easier to not have as much faith and to start to get discouraged by the time that it was taking and what doctors were saying to us. And we, I’d actually frozen my hips in Brazil. And so we, it took us six or eight months to get them to the United States.

And we finally did, which was amazing. And I thought that was meant to be. And then when they, um, you know, when we, I, if I take a step back, I gone to the doctor at 42 and had all the tests and they basically told me that like, it was an unbelievably slim chance that I could get pregnant on my own, um, to the extent where they probably weren’t even willing to do IVF now at that time, I could have gone to a different doctor that was that doctor.

But I knew I had my frozen eggs. So I was like, okay, no problem. We’ll just bring the eggs. So we’re finally able to get them over. And when we, um, when we thawed them, like they basically didn’t make it like none of them fertilized. And so, and in hindsight, it’s not, it wasn’t. Unbelievably surprising because I had done it, um, in Brazil with a doctor there with their protocols, it was the latest technology, but when you start mixing doctors and protocols and labs, like, come on, it’s, it’s just, so there’s so many factors as we know that go into all of this, so it was pretty devastated at that point and then needed to, to move on and see if there was a next step.

Um, and I just. As you’ve said, and I didn’t know back then that this was, is what this was, I just knew that this was meant for me, like there was no option to not continue to pursue this. And I have so many girlfriends who decided not to go the route or, you know, for whatever reason gave up, but it’s what they consciously wanted to do that for one reason or another.

And there was just no way that I was doing that. Um, so we kept pushing forward. And, you know, explore our options and, um, looked for, uh, you know, the next option was basically to use a donor egg. So that was like another milestone that we needed to get over and to think about. And so did a lot of soul searching there and talked with my husband and just the more I read about it and the more I understood.

What goes on with like having a child, growing a child in your body, which I’m doing now epigenetics and these other things, you know, how you share blood. I really got unbelievably comfortable with doing it and actually felt grateful that that would still be an option. So we did do one last ditch effort of IVF just to try.

Cause I’d literally never done IVF. We found a doctor in New York that would do it. I’m going on and on. It’s so long. No, no, this is super fucking compelling. Keep going. Keep going. So, so we went to, so we, so that year when we found out the frozen eggs didn’t work, we knew we had the donor egg option, but we thought, let’s do one last ditch effort with IVF.

And I think my husband needed that to sort of get over that hump of, of potentially using a donor. Um, and that. Was a nightmare because we, we live in Baltimore. We had to go to New York to even find a doctor that would do it. They were very open to it, but like, you know, it was pumping my body with drugs to get one or two eggs out, um, you know, and fertilizing them.

But then, you know, after two weeks finding out that that didn’t work and it was a lot of back and forth and a lot of stress, and it just felt like it wasn’t meant to be, but that never meant to me that this wasn’t meant to be, it just. Even though the, you know, man, I mean, there’s like straight up hardcore divine wisdom that just came out of your mouth, woman.

And like, that happens all the time because I know you so well, like, I know that happens all the time, but like, that’s massive to say that it might not happen this way, but that doesn’t mean it’s not meant to be. Exactly. Yeah. But at the time, I didn’t even realize that’s what it was. I think it was all this work since then.

It’s helped me because at that point, you know, there was a lot, a lot of tears, obviously, and back and forth with my husband and I. And we, um, we then decided, okay, you know, he wrapped his head around the donor row. I had um, Already, because I’d read a lot more than him about it and about again, all the meaningful aspects of carrying a child.

Like, that’s what was most meaningful for me. Um, was that I was an integral part of, of, of the experience. Um, and so we came back from New York and basically said, all right, let’s go to doing a route. Um, and that was. I’m thinking 2, 2, 2 and a half years ago, right? So according to the doctors, I should have had a baby within like 10 months of starting donor egg, the donor egg group because it’s so guaranteed.

And we, little did we know that we had another whole journey related to that, to just get that to work. And it was after a year of going the donor egg route, not having it work to the extent, you know, several frozen donors. Not fertilizing many eggs at all. And then, you know, the one or the two or three transfers I did have that year not taking and then then blaming my husband, which was like just another like, Whoa, okay, another factor.

Like, so now you’re saying that we need donor sperm as well. Like he’s never, he’s never going to go for that. And I didn’t want that. Like I wanted, I really had sold myself on this. On this route that we were taking where I was a donor egg, but it was all happening in my body. I was making it happen with his sperm.

So I think I just hit rock bottom at the end, you know, when they were calling out my husband and say, he’s the reason, even though we’d had him tested and it seems like everything was fine. I just thought I just, I started, it started to chip away at my faith that this was ever going to happen. So we switched doctors.

Within the same practice, but actually found, um, a woman who I really liked who said, no, she doesn’t think that it’s it. She had faith that this could work and that there were some things that we needed to do differently, like using a fresh donor, um, et cetera. And so that’s when things started to pick up, but I had, and that, but that’s also when I, like I said, I had sort of reached rock bottom and I was researching a lot of things to help me like get my spirits up because I realized that I was.

First of all, I was fighting a lot with my husband, I was just miserable, uh, not enjoying my life at all, which I knew wasn’t helpful and knew that, knew that I needed positivity to help get me through this and that that’s a person who I was like, I grew up, my father’s no longer alive, but he was such a source of inspiration and his mantra in life was to be enthusiastic and positive and, and I was failing and totally failing at that.

So. Researched some things and found some other sources out there that nothing really just seemed to fit and then I came across you and everything fit in terms of your personality and the, and the, uh, you know, just a little bit of the tough love aspect of it, the fact that, you know, you need, you can be.

Proactive about it, but feminine and letting things happen at the same time. Just that, that entire mix really, really appealed to me. So I started, you know, I read your book, your first book, I, um, started to listen to your podcast and hadn’t quite pulled the trigger. And it’s funny because, so we finally found a fresh donor.

We had a lot of success. fertilizing her eggs. So that was great because at least that was one hurdle of my husband’s firm that we got over. We had like 10, um, day five blasts, which is just crazy. And so I was like, this is meant to be, and I, and I was going to reach out to you. And I thought we were going into the first transfer and I thought, okay, if this doesn’t work, I’ll reach out to Roseanne.

And then I thought this isn’t going to work. And I’m going to end up reaching out to Roseanne. I should just reach out to her now. But I, but I didn’t. And we did that, we did that first transfer and the, it’s the typical embryo was perfect. Like you could put it in a textbook, right? Everything went really well.

My lining was great. And then. You know, two weeks later, zero, like not like not pregnant. And I was just like, you’ve got to be kidding me. And then this was in COVID. So this was when, you know, we barely were able to do that transfer as it was. We snuck it in at the last minute. And that’s where I was like, I think there’s more to this than just the science.

Like this is about it being the right time for me and me being ready for this. Always not just physically, but mentally. And so that’s when I reached out to you. And I think you knew, cause I think I’d probably emailed before and then hadn’t followed through with the call. So, so luckily you responded to me.

I’m like, who is this toe dipper here? You know, like I, I love that, but you know. Well, first of all, you know that I love you and I love your journey so much because when you think about who you had to become to get to this place, think about the woman that froze her eggs in fricking Brazil. Like you, you were in this to win this.

You were like, I don’t know if you’ve ever sat back and given yourself credit for that because. You had the foresight. Okay. I’m going to freeze my eggs. You know, I’m going to hold out for the right man. You find the right man. And then you find out that your eggs are like, not usable. Like all of the crazy, I mean, you could have.

Really like stayed in the shit pit with that. And like, Oh my God, what am I going to do? But you kept forging on IVF wasn’t working for you. You know, stuff happened with your husband. Then you go make peace and open your heart to a donor. And even that wasn’t working. Like, how did you keep your shit together?

Like, because when you stack all those things up, the universe was like. How serious are you about this girl? How serious are you about, about this? Like, how did you keep it together before we met? I think it’s, it, it has to just be that it’s always been meant for me. Like there was no giving up even the same about meeting my husband.

I mean, believe me, I had brothers and cousins are like, you’re too picky. Why are you just going with this guy? But nothing fell right. And I just had this. It’s weird in a faith that I was going to meet the right man for me and Cameron is like um, believably the right man for me. Uh, and I’m so grateful when I think about past boyfriends and almost fiancees that I could be with.

And what would my life be like now if I were with them versus Cameron, I don’t even want to think about it. Like I would be, it would be just be so much, I would have been so miserable. So I think there was also that little bit of that same faith or that same, just like gut feeling for having a child. But it almost was more difficult with having a child because I think a lot of people, um, you know, there just, there’s so many saboteurs, as you say out there, you waited too long, which you’re, you know, why didn’t you do this earlier?

You know, do you have the thing about having everything? Like, I have a great career. I have great family. I have three wonderful step kids. Beautiful dog, like, you know, but it’s, and it’s all fantastic and wonderful, but it’s not, it, it doesn’t substitute for that experience and that relationship with the child that I just always, always wanted.

And it’s probably that just feeling. And then also I’m not a person who ever gives up on anything. Like I just, for things that are that important, you know, and then a lot of things that are absolutely that important, but it was tough. And that’s why eventually I realized. That I couldn’t really do it, do it alone.

Like, I was very fortunate in that I had a husband who, and this is part of why he’s meant to be for me. I mean, I already had three kids. He could easily have said, you know, maybe this isn’t meant to be. Like, he, he was always. In it to win it, like 100 percent knew this was going to happen. Um, almost better at that than I was.

Like, he had more faith in me. You know, and I, I told him about you and he loved it because he knew that I needed that extra help. And for some reason, he, again, just always believed that it was going to happen. Um, but yeah, but along the journey, it’s tough. It’s tough. Yeah. Well, and when you think about There was so much in you that had to expand because I mean, I, you and I are cut from the same cloth, that same kind of alpha female gangster cloth where nothing is going to stop us having the courage to wrap your head around that exact thing that you were saying that it’s not happening this way, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t meant to happen and opening your heart to the gift that is being offered from another woman Like that’s next level shit.

Yeah, like I, I mean, I am really like when I’m in awe of who you had to become to do that, to really get past this judgment, get past the story, get past the saboteurs, like I would love it if you would say more about that, because unquestionably there’s a woman sitting here that is resisting the idea from a place of judgment as opposed to from a place of openness.

What would you say about that? Yeah, I mean, a couple things. First is ultimately it’s everyone’s individual decision. And so for sure, you know, they’re in women who don’t want to do it this way. I completely respect that. But for those who are relatively open to it. I think it’s a lot about taking a step back.

And this is where working with you really helped me. Also, it’s about understanding yourself. And what is it that you that you want to get out of this experience? Like, why is this important to begin with? And when you start peeling back the onion and understanding that you realize that Um, going about the journey in this way, you’re getting everything, or at least I realized that I was getting everything that I wanted out of it and more.

Um, and that, and that I was just grateful that modern medicine is giving me this opportunity. And that it almost was there for a reason. I mean, and that and I felt super unbelievably grateful for the woman who is our donor on the other side who, you know, had the influence in her life to be able to do this.

And yeah, so over, I mean, ultimately, I think it’s, it’s about really just understanding. Why this is so important and realizing that that that one cell that comes from someone else rather than you is not You know, it’s not the definer of the experience It’s just one small part of the experience and that again by by growing the child and and having the child That’s I mean, you’re basically making it happen.

Like this baby wouldn’t it’s not gonna exist without me and yeah But it’s something that takes again, some time and some soul searching and really understanding yourself and, and looking at it as a learning experience as well. And like a journey that you were meant to take and what are the, what are the positive things that you’re getting out of this journey, new things that you’re learning, new people that you meet as a result.

You know, things that you learn about yourself. So I just was able to open it up and feel like this is what was meant to be for me in terms of my experience. So, right. And I love that because there’s a huge part of that, that was about Michelle being open to receiving like in the craziest, you know, like one of the craziest, biggest ways was to say, I’m getting out of my ego.

And I’m stepping into the calling because that’s, you felt this. And I know this very strongly with you that the call on your life was to be a mom. You found a way to step out of your ego. And you know, and it’s hard, right? Cause we build this whole identity around this, but you stepped out of your ego and we’re willing to receive this gift.

That is huge. Yeah. To take, to take the judgment off and replace it with love, receiving love, this loving gift from another woman, and also being open to what the journey had next for you. Yeah, it’s true. Especially. If you think about a type a personality that always accomplishes on your own, you’re really opening yourself up and becoming vulnerable to that help and that assistance.

And again, like you said, not letting your ego get in the way. And I, I almost feel like I’ve become a different person through that experience, through working with you, it’s opened up a softer. More emotional thinking, caring side of me that was always there, but I think that I like sort of stuffed down for a long time over the years.

You know, just thinking about work and life and accomplishment, even going about meeting husband that way. Initially, it doesn’t work. And so I almost feel like this is this is part of my, you know, I was I’ve been signing up for lessons before I came down to earth, I signed up for this lesson, which is going to make me a better, better person and a more open person, loving, caring person in the end to have to go through to go through the journey in this way, right?

And to give up some control. But in the end, by giving up Control and allowing the help to come in, ultimately getting what I have desired so much. Yeah. Well, and I think you make an excellent point too, because a lot of people get into this idea. Oh, donor egg is the solution to all the problems. You’ll be instantaneously pregnant.

Why don’t you school us all on that shit? No, I mean, I can definitely talk about that. So I was told the story, I mean, I remember I can envision now sitting at the doctor’s office in New York and when the IVF didn’t work, we no longer needed the New York doctor because, um, he was the one that would do IVF on women in their, in their forties with low scores and everything.

And so he said, you know, it was January and he said, you’ll be, you’ll have a baby in your arms or at least be pregnant by Christmas. Like, okay, great. So we left, we, you know, we came back to our doctor in Baltimore. He said the same thing, like buy diapers. When we met with him, he’s like, go out and buy diapers.

We’re like, great. And it was, oh my gosh, I have to think it was four donors later and seven transfers that I finally got pregnant. Yeah. And you know, three miscarriages at different stages. Again, um, you know, calling out that it was my husband at one point, so us having to go through additional tests for him, which I hated because I just was like, just let me experience, you know, it’s always gets more intense when, when both of you are going through tests.

And so there is no guarantee. And I think them, I think doctors telling you that there is, is just. It’s it’s setting yourself up to, like, have too much of more of a letdown than you need to have. I think you need to go into any kind of a journey like this, thinking that, okay, it’s going to take time, but I’m in it for the long haul.

Hopefully it’ll take shorter than I think, but You know, not, not just assuming that there’s a quick solution to it. And for some reason it works quickly, but it just, it definitely did not for me. And there were quite a few additional things that we had to go through and do. So, isn’t that okay. Like I just had to make sure that I got this.

I know the story, you know, cause I was there for a significant part of it. But when you put it like that, four donors, seven transfers, three miscarriages. Yeah, well, one ectopic, I counted that as an, I don’t know if that’s considered, well, but like, I mean, it’s like three, it’s just an ectopic, it’s just an ectopic, I mean, look at that, like, that’s, that was the clincher, that was the clincher, yeah, when I was like, Think about that.

So what were some of the things that you had to overcome with that? Because think about the way we were talking about this is like, Oh, you’ll have a baby in 10 months, you know, go buy diapers and you go through four donors. How did you keep your shit together? That’s when I called you cause it was hard.

It was hard. I mean, I went through, I mean, I had faith again, this faith that it would work, but it was hard. It was really hard. You know, there was a lot of, of soul searching and just knowing that this was feeling like this was meant to be, but then initially I think I approached it in the type a way. So like my massive checklist, reading anything and everything I could get my hands on.

You know, working methodically through, okay, didn’t work with the first donor. Why? Second, why? You know, trying to figure that out. There were several weird things that went on in between with donors are young and but they don’t necessarily have all have the best eggs in the world. And so there were a few times when we didn’t have full information and maybe we didn’t pick the right donor.

Okay. Donor, but again, I, I feel like I was going through it more from a type eight perspective in the beginning. And once we got through those first three and that doctor started blaming my husband, I was like, this is like that, that was sort of rock bottom. And that’s where I, you know, started searching for other things that could be contributing towards this.

Like, why isn’t, why isn’t this happening? Like we’re going through the science, but you know, what is it about, what are some other factors that might be influencing this, including my. You know, my, um, emotional and mental state and status and how, how I’m approaching this. So, right. So what did you learn about that?

Because when we, I remember. When we first came together, like by that time I could tell, I could feel it in you that you were road weary. I’m like, Oh, she’s road weary. She’s got journey fatigue. So let’s talk about like, what were some of the things that. You realize need to shift. I think I was like, is if I use an analogy of, you know, they say if you have sand in your hand, if you like grab the sand really tightly, it’ll fall out of your hand.

But if you just hold it loosely, I was like grabbing this with like my hands clenched and turning white from how tight they were. So I think I knew that I, that I just was. Too intense and too uptight and not not just letting this happen. Um, it was also again, like You know, it was a bit pretty getting to be a pretty big strain on my relationship with my husband Which we’d only you know been married for at that point two and a half Two and a half or so years.

And so I just knew that, that to get through this and to have this happen, something needed to change. And it was a little bit of like growing up with that influence of my father where I felt like I’m not bringing my best game to the table. You know, I’m, I’m, again, I’m, I’m looking at the science and I’m trying to as much as I can as a, not as a layman, not a doctor figuring out.

What do we need to do and next? And, and how are we gonna make this work? Are we identifying what could or couldn’t be happening? But I wasn’t paying attention to my heart or to like, why I really wanted this as much. It’s like I was just like on a train, like moving and I, something inside me told me that that wasn’t enough.

And that’s, but that’s where, that’s what I’ve not never been like that good at myself. And that’s where I realized that I needed, you know, coaching that I needed help. To just breathe, frankly. Yeah. And I remember there were so many times I’m like, if this woman could reach through either zoom or the phone, she’s going to strangle me.

Like, I’m like, I’m like, I know she gonna crack me right across the face. Cause like, it’s not easy. Wow. I mean, this is why you can have piles of self help books on your shelves, but that’s not going to make any difference if you’re not actually applying what you learn and like making it a regular aspect of your life because you still had more to go on your journey.

So, so what were some of the things that you saw changing in you? I mean, I definitely became more open and relaxed. I just was rather than the obsessiveness started to go away and it’s like a calm started to wash over me in terms of that. I knew this was going to happen. I, I frankly was now that I look back, it was all consuming and because it was all consuming for me, it was becoming all consuming for my husband.

And so that I that started to go away like it wasn’t that it wasn’t important and we knew that that was You know, we’re constantly working towards making this happen, but it took a little bit of a backseat in our daily lives, which I think was really, really important. And I think that’s part of what kept him in the game.

I mean, because I think I was driving him towards his breaking point in that. You know, this was as important to him as to me, if nothing else, because he knew how important it was to me, but he also didn’t want it to, like, be taking over our lives for, for a period of years, you know, and as I said, I have three stepkids, we have a full life, like, there were Things that needed our attention and that we needed to do, and it wasn’t helpful that I was bringing this like heaviness to everything.

So starting to do this work helped for me to do, just feel more at peace with myself as well and learn more about myself, become more just generally appreciative of everything that I have. And generally okay believing that it was going to work out the way it was meant to work out. And that was the hardest, I forget which exercise that was, but that was the hardest exercise for me where I had to like, you know, let go and say whatever is meant to be.

It took me for a long time to do that. Like, just no, but it is meant to be. And how do I reconcile that? And there was a lot of back and forth, but. It’s a metaphor for life. So that’s where I mean, as I started doing this work, I was so grateful because I realized that it was just making one me a better person and the best me that I could be.

And two, almost preparing me for anything else that comes. I don’t know if that’s going to happen in the future because nothing’s guaranteed. And I now have all these tools that I can go back to and you know, continue to use every day but also refer back to when things get hard. And I, I never had any of that before.

So. Well and I think that you’re You’re highlighting something that was so that is so important is this is you have a big call on your life. You have a big mission. It’s not for you. It’s not just about getting pregnant. It’s about staying pregnant and honoring the mother that you really choose to be.

Yeah, because you know what? I always, you know, it’s kind of funny because this is a, you know, as an observer, I get to sit back and watch the transformation and I get giddy and I get excited because I see you brought so much fire. Of your own to this journey and you because you had your wits about you, you were able to take even the darkest moments and turn it into something really beautiful, but because you were willing to do that work because you were willing to receive at a higher level, you’re now going to teach this miracle baby.

In such a different way. Like that is a part of the equation that very few women think about, because I honestly believe women like us, you and I, and the hundreds of thousands that listen, there is a different call on our lives. There is a different level of responsibility that comes into our lives. And I say that with reverence, a different level of responsibility that when these miracle children come to us.

They’re going to be incredible and we have to be good stewards of that blessing. What do you think about that? No, it’s so true. I, I mean, I will, I look at the world in a different way now, and I know that I will influence him to just be the best of both. I mean, you know, before I would have raised him to be ambitious and, you know, to go after whatever he wants, but I, there wouldn’t have been this.

Other aspect of of just understanding and embracing life and being appreciative and Understanding the power of of yourself as a person, the power, um, of belief and of faith. Um, I never really, I, I couldn’t never had sort of conceptualized any of that in my mind or internalized it in my heart until I’d gone through this work.

And so I just feel like now I can raise him looking at life from the whole package, the whole circle rather than just a big chunk of it, which can make you successful in a lot of different ways. But there’s this whole aspect. Of life and of living and enjoyment and giving to other people that I just, you know, was kind of suppressed for me and now isn’t.

And so, yeah. Wow. I mean, think about that because you, I mean, having been right there with you, like watching that spiritual transformation in you, like, cause it’s so hard to describe, right? It’s a very difficult surrender. And spiritual growth is a really difficult thing to describe. It’s something that you really have to feel.

I would love it if you would share just a teeny bit about like, how did your faith change? I think that, so I told you that I’d always had faith, but I think before it was a shallow faith, if that’s the right way to describe it. That I just, things generally worked out for me in life, so I just, it was almost like a faith that’s like, I’m going to make them happen, right?

Like, I’m just, I’m going to be successful and accomplish what I want, because that’s what I’m able to do. Whereas, Now, it’s more about like you stepping back. It’s about being open. It’s about receiving. It’s about trusting the universe. Like I never even thought about that concept before. Now I trust the universe and things happen or work out for me because they do and they should generally work out for everyone.

You know, if you just open yourself up. To the universe and to so my faith is sort of transformed from like this believing in a in a textbook kind of like methodical way to more of a feeling and an openness and a general acceptance, I guess, just of everything around me and how things work out. I don’t know if that’s, Oh my God.

No, that’s so good. I mean, it’s so, it’s such wisdom. And I think it, you know, cause obviously for everyone, that expression is going to be different. That feeling is going to be different. But I, I think that from where you have come and what you lived, it’s a real testament to what you unleashed within yourself.

I mean, I just sit here and I’m like, Oh my God, I still can’t believe we’re having this conversation. Like, I mean, I do of course, but like, But just you, I mean, it’s also a testament to the transformation that you and I are even able to speak in this way. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Absolutely. Because I love that, like, East Coast thing that would come out in you every now and then.

You’re like, you know, I’m like, oh, I know she thinks I’m, I’m gonna be hugging a tree in two seconds. But like, but there’s like this. This feeling. So, so you got to tell us like you, you kind of hinted at you’re having a boy, how freaking crazy boys are like as a boy, mom, myself, I totally get how good that feels.

And so how far along are you today? I’ll be, I’m 25 weeks, I’ll be 26 on Monday. So pretty far along, which is great. It’s starting to get super real. Yeah. Yeah. Oh my gosh. It’s so, it’s such a beautiful thing to watch. And so what would you say to the women listening? I mean, from that extraordinarily unique place where you sit, having lived such, you know, a unique journey, like what would you want women to walk away with as they listen and share in your story?

Ultimately, ultimately just. Not to give up, um, and to have for that calling that is in you. It’s really there for a reason, as you say, so trust in that. But then you can’t you can’t force this to happen. And so, you know, you know, open yourself up to to every to all the aspects of it. Not just the science.

But again, you know, your own opening up, able to receive in your faith in what’s meant to be for you in the universe and, and just, just allow yourself to, to, to open up and to go and do that. And as a result, things will work out. I firmly believe that for, for everyone that’s on this journey. I mean, especially if it could have worked for me after like.

You know, everything that we did and then the guarantee that wasn’t really a guarantee. I mean, we had to go through quite a bit, but in the end it’s obviously all worth it. And you just, you, you’d really do learn so much with every challenge. If you, if you approach it in the right way and if you just, if you, if you allow yourself to just breathe and relax a little bit and know.

That this is going to happen and, and make the most of it as a learning experience. I know there are people that that will annoy for sure, but, but really that’s, that’s what it’s meant in the end. And I, I think everybody will look back and realize that it’s hard. Sometimes it’s hard in the moment. So, um, Right, right.

Well, and that’s kind of, you know, that’s what women like us do. We do hard shit. And, and you have to be willing to learn. You have to be willing to ask, what am I not seeing? Or what could I open myself up to more? Because the minute you think you know it all, or the minute you think you’ve done everything, the reality is, is you haven’t, you couldn’t possibly know it all.

And you haven’t done it all. That’s just ego. And that’s actually the opposite of what you’re talking about and what, and it’s the opposite of what your journey. Is an example of is how much does this matter to me? Like woman because you could have had every freaking excuse in the book Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don’t know anyone I know who probably still be still have continued on.

I could have for sure. In fact, when we started telling family, well, this is another, another, another reason why, you know, the learnings and the teachings continue to give back to you. You know, when we started telling family, I think there were some that were like, Whoa, we didn’t, we thought it was past the point of happening.

Everybody’s very, very happy, but yeah. You know, you have to be, you know, you have to just, you have to just be happy with, with what you believe and what you’re going after and, and not worry about others so much either. And so I think, you know, again, as you go through the journey and then as things are working out, you still, you know, have things happen where.

You need to, you need to get back to that, that centered place, that peaceful place where you know that, you know, your life is unfolding the way that it’s meant to be for you and that you can help influence and make that happen. If you’re, if you allow yourself to be in the right place emotionally, as well as in your head.

So, yeah. Wow. Oh my gosh. I love that from you. And I love hearing basically stay in your own lane. Yeah. You is like this. Such a beautiful message. And I know that that’s going to hit home for so many people, because it’s really easy to onboard other people’s judgments about age time, how many failures you’ve had, when you should get up, give up and all this other stuff.

But look at you today, when on the eve of your, of 26 weeks, pregnant with a blessed baby boy, like living your dream because you had the guts and the grit. To stand up and demand it all and, and to trust this instinct, because I think that’s one of the biggest lessons from this woman. Like I don’t ever want to hear from you that you’re not trusting yourself.

I mean, like, because you’ve totally freaking earned it. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. Wow. Well, thank you so much for sharing this story with all of the women that are going to be listening and. You know, truly, I mean, I, I celebrate every one of my lady’s stories and this one is particularly sweet because of of everything that you have become and also because of everything you will now give this boy.

So it’s so true. And thank you so much. I mean, so much of it was never have happened without you. I mean, meeting you was fundamental in in all of this. I just I love you. And I’m so grateful that you that you’re out there and that you’re doing this work. I mean, and I, you know, I would suggest it to every woman, even even on the precipice of going through this journey.

Um, it’s it’s so invaluable, not just you. Not just to, to navigate this journey, but to navigate life seriously. I’m just so grateful for you and for everything that you do. Oh my goodness. It’s an honor. And, and like I always say, which is true is that my gratitude, I show my gratitude by showing the way, which is ultimately your way and trusting something bigger than all of us.

Cause you know, it’s when you get into that zone, when you get into that frequency, Things that you never, yeah, yeah. It just is. Well, I love you woman. I love that baby. You hug and kiss cam for me and I cannot wait to get more updates. My love. So thank you so much for sharing with us. Thank you. Loves, wasn’t Michelle just such an incredible inspiration?

I mean, it’s just, she is, as I was saying before, the epitome and an absolute embodiment of what it means to be fearlessly fertile. She makes me so proud and can you see why I just fall in love with my ladies? These are women that you want. To have all around you when you were on this journey to be inspired by to share in their stories and really to look for inspiration from it’s just incredible.

And if you want to learn what I taught Michelle on her road to success, my fearlessly fertile method program is for women who intend to get pregnant in the next 12 months like Michelle and say hell yes to covering their bases. Mind and body. I work with women who are committed to success. To apply for your interview for this program, go to my website www.FromMaybeToBaby.com and apply for an interview there. My methodologies help women around the world make their mom dreams come true. Many of which were facing single digit odds like Michelle and their results Speak for themselves. If you don’t have a mindset for success on this journey, baby, you got a gaping hole in the strategy.

Let’s fix that shit and set you up for success. Till next time, change your mindset, change your results. Love this episode of the Fearlessly Fertile podcast. Subscribe now and leave an awesome review. Remember the desire in your heart to be a mom is there because it was meant for you. When it comes to your dreams, keep saying hell yes.