EP155 Say No To Relationship Roadkill On The Path To Your Baby

Fearlessly Fertile Podcast with Rosanne Austin

This post was authored by Rosanne on Rosanne Austin.

Struggling with fertility can create the perfect storm in our intimate relationship. What was once peaceful and loving, can become rocky and resentful. Let’s talk about what it takes to keep your relationship from becoming roadkill on the path to your baby. Here’s to taking your relationship to the next level…and dare I say…fall in […]

The post EP155 Say No To Relationship Roadkill On The Path To Your Baby appeared first on Rosanne Austin.

Transcript:
Hey Gorgeous, if you want success on your fertility journey, you’ve got to have the mindset for it. It’s time to kick fear, negativity, doubt, shame, jealousy, and the whole clown car of low vibe fertility journey BS to the curb. I’m your host, Roseanne Austin, fertility mindset master, former prosecutor and recovering type A control freak perfectionist.

I use the power of mindset to get pregnant naturally and have my baby boy at 43. Despite years of fertility treatment failure, I help women across the globe beat the odds on their fertility journey. Just like I did get ready for a quick hit of confidence, joy, feminine, badassery, and loads of hell. Yes.

For your fertility journey. It’s time to get fearless, baby, fearlessly fertile. Let’s do this. Welcome to the Fearlessly Fertile Podcast, episode 155. Say no to relationship roadkill on the path to your baby. Hey love, shit, it is Valentine’s week. Oh man, I don’t consider myself a romantic in the commercial hallmark card superficial kind of way.

In fact, you know what, to be completely honest, I kind of hate Valentine’s Day because It’s really cheesy and gross because it sets us and our partner up for massive disappointment and if everything isn’t set up in some bullshit romance movie kind of way. I’m actually more of the kind of ride or die bitch that’s thinking more long term.

I like to think about things beyond the high school bullshit of what, you know, did my partner get me a card and those specific chocolates I’ve always been wanting and I silently think about it all the time and I hope my partner actually gets that telepathy and, you know. And that we ultimately turn it into some weird kind of trap.

Like, and, and we get all disappointed and shit. I don’t really think about any of that stuff. I’m thinking about the remaining 364 days in the year. My focus on, you know, how’s that shit going? And look, if you love that Hallmark shit, rock on with your bad self, sister. I’ve been known to watch a Hallmark movie or two in my day, or maybe ten.

No shade intended. Rather, what I’m sharing with you today. is about having what we really want, which goes beyond Valentine’s Day. We want lasting committed love on solid ground so that your relationship does not become roadkill on the path to your baby. So let’s get into it. How do we keep our relationship from becoming roadkill on this journey?

The short answer is don’t lose sight of the role your relationship plays on this journey. It’s the foundation of your family. You’ve got to feed it and nurture it. This child that you’re trying to conceive is coming into your relationship, not the other way around. There may be part of you thinking, But Rosanne, I’m juggling my career, having this baby, and now I have to keep an eye on my relationship?

Are you kidding me? My answer to that question Is yes, girl. Yes. You want to have a big life and all the things that go along with it? Then again, the answer is yes. Does this require perfection or a trip back to the 1950s? No. But it does require decision and discipline. Let’s put this into some perspective.

You don’t need grand gestures or extremes to keep your eye on the prize here. Many of us think that we need to go full throttle on everything. And the truth is, that’s just poor planning and sloppy. You must become adept at marshalling your resources. Woman, you got to be strategic. If you know your relationship is suffering a bit right now, a well placed afternoon together, weekend getaway, or just doing something your partner really loves on occasion can be a powerful reset.

You don’t need to spend every waking moment together or always kowtow to your partner in order to have a deep connection. I don’t know where that story came from. I hear women all the time thinking they have to go to these extremes, that they have to be perfect, that they have to be, you know, everything their partner dreams of in order to have a connection, but that shit is just, it’s propaganda.

That’s not even human. It’s this romanticized version of ourselves that It’s just not real and, and frankly, who wants that kind of pandering anyway? I want you to think quality over quantity. Be on the lookout for opportunities to connect even in small ways. The reality is, on this journey, you are both being challenged on just about every front.

Small gestures, accumulated over time, are way more effective than the blue moon sweeping theatrical grand gesture when it’s almost too late. Okay, think about that. And let me be clear, that taking responsibility for the quality of our relationships, Does not mean doing your partner’s math. What I am talking about here is you are doing your part.

They must do theirs. As an adult, they have a choice to do their part. Another reason for not doing your partner’s math is you move through your relationship more confidently and at peace when you know you are doing Your part. When you do both parts, that breeds anger and ultimately resentment, and oh, sister, resentment is like dropping a festering atom bomb into the center of your relationship, and it is very hard to recover from that.

And, you know, by doing our partner’s math, you never really will have any real practical knowledge as to whether or not they’re actually engaged. Because if you’re doing both parts, your partner gets to go to sleep, and that is not what you want. And ultimately, We train people how to treat us, and if you’re always doing your partner’s part, you don’t give them a chance to step into their role fully.

When you do your partner’s math, you, my big hearted, loving, type A list making mama, you are part of the problem, not the solution. When you do your partner’s math, that is a strong indicator that you don’t trust them to meet your needs. And that is a problem. You meddling in their math, or doing their part, sends them a strong signal that you don’t trust them.

And no trust in a relationship will clear a room like a pile of stinky socks. You don’t want to have anything to do with that. That doesn’t feel awesome. And just imagine how that contributes to to your partner checking out. Yikes! Chew on that for a second. So we think that, oh, you know, if I do it all and I just show my partner what kind of a martyr I am, that somehow you’re doing something good for your relationship, but you might just be putting your partner to sleep because they just get to be on autopilot.

So just think about that, but let’s refocus on the point of this episode. I could go off for another couple hours on that show and I’ll save you the grief. No matter what the two of you have been through, take some time to think about what this person means to you. Think about what your partner means to you.

Step out of the cray of this journey and focus just for a moment on what they mean to you. There was a point in time when you couldn’t make it two minutes without thinking about them. Remember when they just, it was like they just walked on water and you got butterflies at even the mention of their name?

Yes, girl! That time did exist! It may feel like ancient history by now. But that is still there. That desire, that admiration, that bliss, does it mature over time? Yes, indeed. But never forget where this all started. When you focus on the love you have for this person, your partner, in a steady handed, Emotionally mature way.

You can have love for them and not do their math. You can allow them to be who they are and step into their own power. That energetic shift within you will be palpable to them. They will feel it and it may influence them in such a way that you actually get more engagement from them. You know, it’s like the opposite, you know, what did the great sting say?

If you love someone, set them free, you know, I mean, that’s, there is some real logic there. And when you stop doing your partner’s Math and you, you stop making your relationship kind of like second, third, fifth, or 15th priority. You can see a real difference. You protect your relationship from becoming fertility journey roadkill by making a return to love.

Get out of your ego, get out of the story, get out of the past, get out of future tripping and be in the present. In the present, there is nothing but love. This is not denying any of the past hurts or missteps between the two of you. It’s about saying, yes, those things have happened and we choose each other.

We choose each other. We choose each other. For those of you listening that find yourselves worried, but you might not choose your partner or that things have too far gone. That doesn’t mean you can’t still have love for this person. and let them go. I will do an episode on that kind of scenario in the coming months.

Don’t worry. But for now, okay, just for now, focus on the love. I hope that this blesses all of you with an opportunity to connect with your partner this week. Move beyond the Valentine’s surface shit and forge a path toward the next level of happiness and satisfaction in your relationship. It will be one of the best investments you will ever make in your family.

And calling in. This baby. So here’s an exercise to take what I’ve shared with you here to the next level. Has your relationship become roadkill? Step one, take a big step. Well, well, wait, let’s make that five steps back and look at your relationship. Where are y’all at today? Is the state of your relationship what you desire it to be?

As scary or unsettling as this question may be, if you’re serious about being in this partnership or marriage, you’ve got to have the guts to look under that rock and take a good long look at any creepy crawlies that are there. Step 2. Tell your partner what they mean to you. I’m serious. Drop the drama.

Ego, hurt, anger or frustration for just a moment and think about what they mean to you. Even if you’re not currently partnered, this exercise still applies because chances are you are still holding onto old baggage from previous partnerships. And you don’t want that shit polluting your next relationship.

For those of us lovably type A ladies who love to be right, this might be really hard. But look, one of the master strokes in any relationship is the ability to get out of our own nonsense and focus on the shit that really matters. We are not promised every single day here every day that you wake up and have the good fortune of Being next to this person that you love is a blessing.

Yes, there may have been bullshit in your relationship You may be in knee deep and bullshit right now, but at the end of the day at the end of our lives It’s going to be the people that we had in our lives the moments of tenderness the moments with our families The moments in love that we will reflect on the most.

Even if you are in a really scary place with your partner, or, or things are changing rapidly and you feel uncertain, when you focus on love, you will always come back to truth. Cherish the moments that you have with this person, even if your relationship is not meant to continue. Cherish every moment that is one of love.

Take some time today to tell your partner what they mean to you. If you haven’t read my first book, Am I the Reason I’m Not Getting Pregnant? The Fearlessly Fertile Method for Clearing the Blocks Between You and Your Baby, Get it? Check out chapter six. Okay, I’m gonna, I talk more about that in this chapter.

And if you haven’t read my second book, And your relationship, you want your relationship to be better, get your hands on that shit now. And that is, that one is, are we the reason I’m not getting pregnant? The fearlessly fertile method for clearing the box between your relationship and your baby. These are both really important things for you to take a look at now.

So no matter what, make a point of laying some of this good truth down. On your partner, ASAP. And step three, text the link to this podcast episode to someone you think could benefit from it. Screenshot this episode and put it in your Facebook or Insta story, tagging me! Share the shit out of this! And while you’re at it, take a moment to give us a five star review!

It’ll make you feel so good to show your gratitude for this free content my team and I serve you with every week, and you just might change someone’s life. Love, one of the most powerful ways to make sure your relationship does not become roadkill on the path to your baby is to take care of you. I know this sounds a bit counterintuitive, but it’s true.

One of the side effects of letting fear, negativity, and doubt pollute your journey is that it seeps into your relationship. You just can’t get around that fact. The way we do one thing is the way we do everything. You might think you’re holding it all together, but the humbling truth is There’s a good chance you aren’t not because you’re so you’re lame or lazy But because we all have our limits, we all hit a wall on this journey when we allow fear, negativity, and doubt to run the show.

Learning how to see yourself, this journey, and your relationship differently within the context of this journey does wonders for how you show up in your life and in your relationship. Chances are, your partner sees this, but they don’t know what to do. Having worked with couples on this journey from all over the world, and having gotten to the other side of my own journey, with my marriage intact and fucking thriving, I have a bird’s eye view of how important this is, and the difference it can make.

You don’t just want this baby. You want this family. And if you’re ready to do your life and your partnership one of the biggest solids ever. My Fearlessly Fertile Method program is for women who intend to get pregnant in the next 12 months and say, hell yes, to covering their bases, mind and body. So you don’t have to look back on this time in your life with regret.

I work with women who are committed to success. To apply for your interview for this program, go to my website, www.FromMaybeToBaby.com and apply for an interview there. My methodologies help women around the world make their mom dreams come true. Their results speak for themselves. If you don’t have a mindset for success on this journey, baby, you’ve got to keep it all in your strategy.

Let’s fix that shit and set you up for success till next time. Change your mindset, change your results. Love this episode of the fearlessly fertile podcast. Subscribe now and leave an awesome review. Remember the desire in your heart to be a mom is there because it was meant for you when it comes to your dreams.

Keep saying hell yes.