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EP220 How She Got Pregnant Naturally At 45: Carolyn’s Story

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Innhold levert av Rosanne Austin. Alt podcastinnhold, inkludert episoder, grafikk og podcastbeskrivelser, lastes opp og leveres direkte av Rosanne Austin eller deres podcastplattformpartner. Hvis du tror at noen bruker det opphavsrettsbeskyttede verket ditt uten din tillatelse, kan du følge prosessen skissert her https://no.player.fm/legal.

By your mid-40s, you have more people telling you why you CAN’T versus why you CAN get and stay pregnant. With miscarriage and failed IVF in her past, it would have been easy for Carolyn to give up on her dream or get bullied into doing things out of alignment with her truth. Learn how this amazing medical professional learned to trust herself, her body, and her dream, so that she could hold her newborn daughter on her 46th birthday! Carolyn is living proof that YOU can beat the odds–AND she did it within 12 months of completing my program!

Grab the “From <5% Chance to Pregnant Naturally At 45: Carolyn’s Story” Journaling Page

Transcript:
Hey Gorgeous, if you want success on your fertility journey, you’ve got to have the mindset for it. It’s time to kick fear, negativity, doubt, shame, jealousy, and the whole clown car of low vibe fertility journey BS to the curb. I’m your host, Roseanne Austin, Fertility Mindset Master. Former prosecutor and recovering type A control freak perfectionist.

I use the power of mindset to get pregnant naturally and have my baby boy at 43, despite years of fertility treatment failure. I help women across the globe beat the odds on their fertility journey, just like I did. Get ready for a quick hit of confidence, joy, feminine badassery, and loads of hell yes for your fertility journey.

It’s time to get fearless, baby, fearlessly fertile. Let’s do this. Welcome to the Fearlessly Fertile Podcast, episode 220. From a less than 5 percent chance to pregnant, naturally, at 45, baby. This is Carolyn’s story. Loves, I am so excited to be here with you this week, as I always am. And I get particularly giddy when we have yet another just heart Bursting soul, joy, making, make you want to run right through a brick wall for this baby episode where we’ve got one of my ladies sharing her story.

I mean this, I hope that all of you can really appreciate what it means to have these amazing, kind, generous, big hearted, go getter, lovably type A control freaky women come on and share their stories. Because you know what? They don’t have to do that. Right? Think about that. Think about how kind and generous these women are in giving back and paying it forward by sharing their story because story is one of the most powerful ways that we learn.

When we can connect with someone else’s story, we can see possibility for ourselves. And that is what you’re going to get. Out of hearing Carolyn share her journey with you today. And I’m super freaking jacked up about this episode because, you know, negative shit about women trying to conceive in their 40s, that is everywhere.

It’s cheap. It’s easy to get. It’s like the fast food of the fertility world, right? All of the doom and gloom. But in today’s episode, you are going to hear how Carolyn had the audacity To trust herself in her mid forties and allow herself to conceive naturally after so many long miserable faces were telling her, you know, you need IVF, all this, you know, all the typical rigmarole that we hear.

And while those things are awesome and they have their place, what was true for Carolyn is she really didn’t want to go the IVF route. You’re going to hear that. Carolyn struggled with miscarriage. She did IVF to kind of check the box and just wanted to make sure she wasn’t leaving any stone unturned.

But the truth in her heart was that she wanted to conceive this baby naturally. So she did some extraordinary things. Like, number one, work on her mindset. Number two, as a medical professional, really go inward, working on herself, working on her body, making sure her nutrition and her overall health was in a great place.

And Ding, ding, ding. She took her fucking time. I mean, this is crazy because we don’t hear about that stuff in your, in your mid 40s. Like, Oh, you know, take some time to try. Like Carolyn did that. And you’re going to hear so many amazing, just nuggets of wisdom dropping from this woman’s mouth today. But what’s also really cool is she did it within a year.

Of doing my program like as you will hear her tell you like almost a year to the day of starting my program She was preparing to give birth to her baby. And what’s crazy is as of the time of this recording Carolyn gave birth to her baby girl just within days of her 46th birthday She was due on her 46th birthday and she ended up having her baby just a few days before it So look remember why story is so powerful.

It helps us see what’s possible for us So I hope you get inspired just to the core. And I mean, if this episode doesn’t have you running through a wall for this baby, I don’t know what will. But here is my conversation with Carolyn. Take it to heart and keep asking yourself, as you listen to this, how could I step into that power?

Okay? Because what you hear in Carolyn exists in you. If you allow yourself to go there. So here is my conversation with the amazing big hearted, lovable articulate and statistic busting Carolyn.

How are you? I am fantastic and I’m super excited for what we are about to embark on woman. Me too. Me too. I mean, we’ll just jump right in because You know, I was thinking a lot about your story and, and all of the interesting twists and turns and, and all of like the growth. So I’m like super excited to be getting into this.

So, so why don’t you start us off like super simple. Just share with the women listening, like how you found yourself on this journey and we’ll go from there. Okay. Yeah. Thank you. Well, first of all, thank you for having me on. I’m actually super grateful and I was doing some just re kind of looking at my calendar and I realized that I finished your program like almost a year, like exactly a year ago today.

So. What a difference a year makes. It’s so true. It is so true. Yeah. So March of last year to April, like it’s just crazy, crazy, crazy. So my journey began actually before even meeting my husband and deciding that I wanted to have a family with him. And it began, you know, in my twenties where I I want to have a family with the right person.

And I’m willing to wait for that person and I had been in relationships, long term relationships, the subject of marriage and family would come up and it just, it would never feel quite right. And I’m just so grateful that I followed that gut instinct. To just kind of trust that I would find the right person.

In the meantime, I was doing awesome things, have a great career. I’m in holistic medicine, helping women with their bodies and their health and hormones and all the good stuff. Um, and I never really worried about it. And one of the reasons was my grandmother on my mom’s side had 15 kids. Pretty much back to back, uh, all at home and just very little medical intervention all safely and healthily brought home and she, her last child, her 15th was at 44 and a half.

And I think I always just had this example in my life. That, you know, fertility was not something to worry about and that there would always be time to have kids later. You know, I mean, I love that you’re sharing this because think about this, like you’re, you’re already out of the typical paradigm, right?

So like you started in this really healthy, amazing place. Hey, I’m going to wait for the right person. I don’t have to worry about my fertility because the women in my family are insanely fertile. And my grandmother, like. So what brought that to a screeching halt though? Because like, cause you had a foundation that most people don’t have.

Yes. Good question. So I did end up meeting my husband when I was 41 and I was really excited to recognize pretty quickly that he was the person that I wanted to start a family with and he was on board. And he actually, I remember him asking me on a date, you know, are you worried at all about fertility?

And I was like, no, this is totally doable. And actually in my own practice. Women in their forties were having babies, healthy babies. So I was super confident and super certain that we were totally going to be a okay. Uh, we got married the following year at, I was 42. And one thing I didn’t recognize at the time was even though I was really confident that fertility was achievable for me, and it was totally going to be something I could do.

I did probably have this limit of 44 without really recognizing it as a limit. So I was in my mind saying, Oh, I’m ahead of schedule. I’m 42. We’ve got plenty of time. So I ended up getting married. We got married in the fall 2019. And in March of 2020, I found out I was pregnant. And the next day the world shut down for COVID.

So it was such an interesting time. It was. Exciting and stressful all at the same time. And, you know, my business had to change pretty much overnight. Had to close our physical office space, had to suddenly go virtual overnight. I wasn’t at all prepared for that. And I was pregnant and, you know, almost not prepared for that as well.

I, we, we hadn’t, I wasn’t even tracking my cycle. We were just doing it the kind of old fashioned way of just like, let’s just see what happens. Imagine that. Right. So, I, I, you know, at that time, I recognized I was really stressed and also maybe a little bit shocked by that pregnancy just kind of happening kind of at the same time.

And sadly, about six weeks into that pregnancy, I started bleeding and I had a miscarriage. And so that was, that was obviously devastating and, and shocking, but at the same time, I, I was aware that miscarriages can happen, and I knew that wasn’t a sign that I couldn’t be successful. I had counseled many women through miscarriage in the past, and they had gone on to have healthy pregnancies, so I had that kind of side of things working in my favor, that I didn’t feel that this was the end.

Um, but I did notice that I was now even more invested. in wanting to get pregnant. So then I did start tracking and I did start using all the tools, the basal body temperature and the ovulation strips. And the pressure did start to build a little more in intensity because now it was like, okay, we, we really need to actually Try to try, um, yeah, so it was a little bit of a shift and again, that was the summer of 2020 and the COVID shutdowns were happening and just a lot of things were totally in influx, lots of uncertainty, including with my business.

And so, you know, looking back at it now, I was pretty stressed and also trying to make. This pregnancy happened. Make it happen, Carolyn! Yes, yes. So, I did get pregnant again. In July of 2020. And again, it was about 3 or 4 months after the last miscarriage. Uh, and this time again, I was just more prepared. I had been more aware of all the things that were to come.

And, I was excited when I looked up the due date. It was two weeks before my 44th birthday. So, you know, in my heart and in my mind, I thought this was so perfect. I met the deadline. I was going to be a mom before or just about 44, just like my grandmother. Uh, and we were excited to find out like, you know, it was going to be an April baby.

We have a lot of birthdays in our family that are April birthdays. And we thought this is so fitting. Right. And because of COVID, I couldn’t really have those face to face visits with doctors. So it was really all over the phone. But, you know, they said, okay, everything looks great. Your numbers are looking okay.

Let’s book that first ultrasound again around the eight week mark. And so when I went in for that ultrasound, just for context, again, during COVID, I had to go along, my husband came with me, but he couldn’t come into the room with me. Everyone was wearing masks, everything was really kind of different. And I went in with excitement because I thought, okay, this is where we start to get the pictures and all the baby things.

And sadly, again, this was. More shocking, but the technician, after trying for a few minutes, said, you know, I’m really sorry, but I don’t see, I don’t hear a heartbeat. There’s no heartbeat. And I, I was actually not even, I didn’t know what she meant when she said that. Like I was not even sure what that meant.

Yes. Like I was like, Oh, so do you have to keep looking for one or, you know, do you need me to move positions? And she was like, no, I’m just really sorry to tell you, but. There’s no heartbeat. You know, this pregnancy is not viable. So, that’s when my fertility journey shifted a lot. You know, for obvious reasons in terms of having a miscarriage, but just that second miscarriage, like two in a row, medically, this is where the questions start to come up about what could be wrong here, right?

What’s behind this? Could there be something happening? Could there be something wrong with you, with me? And again, it was really traumatic to come out Of the ultrasound room, my husband excitedly waiting for me to say like, you know, here’s the picture and unfortunately, I was just crying and saying like, you know, there’s no baby, there’s no heartbeat.

So totally, totally devastating and confidence in myself, trust in my body, totally wiped out. I would say like in that moment and. The, the next few months, even with the medical team saying, okay, we’ve got to send you for this set of tests, there’s got to be something behind this, you know, it could be your age, but it could also be all these other things medically that could be going wrong.

And again, never really had given that any thought before. It’s pretty healthy and had just never thought that I could be in that category of, you know, facing those potential diagnoses. Reasons that someone might have more than one miscarriage. So that was pretty tough. Yeah. I mean, I, I think when you, you know, we can all kind of stomach one, you know what I mean?

Like we kind of know, like in our minds, we kind of figure, okay, this is possible and it happens. That doesn’t mean it’s easy to get over, but it happens. And then we can kind of like, okay. Next time, you know, we, we can try to categorize it in that way to be able to manage, but two in a row, you’re exactly right.

Takes it into that next level. Like wow, is there something wrong with me? Like inherently, is there something wrong with me? So where did you go after that? Like what was that next step? So You talked about this, you know, crazy list of, you know, constellation of shit that can be wrong with you, like, and as a healthcare professional yourself, like, what did you do with all of that?

Well, again, I think for the first time on that journey, I began to seek care and help. I’m glad I did, but I think when I went about doing it, I was coming at it from a place of. What’s wrong with me or a place of just not full health, but you know, what’s the illness find the illness for me. So I visited many doctors specialists were, I was referred to specialists.

I visited naturopathic doctors, colleagues, like I, I visited a bunch of different people. In hopes that they could give me the answer, like what’s wrong with me, you know, fix me and that’s not my typical way of doing things, but fertility has a way of, of. You know, taking you sometimes in places that you didn’t think you’d end up in and again, you just find yourself trying to kind of go with the line of thinking that’s presented to you over and over and over again, right?

Did you feel like, I mean, because it’s a very different world because in your world, the body can heal, there are, there are many paths to healing. Like there’s this softness about it. Not softness is in, you know, without efficacy, but there’s just a different energy about it. But then when you get into the allopathic medicine realm, it’s like, you know, did you feel that difference?

I did. I did. I felt the panic button. My doctor, you know, she’s lovely and I think she meant well, but even my doctor’s panic, you know, the panic in her voice was now becoming my panic and, and she was being actually nice in a sense that she was speeding up the process for me. So she said, he’s done.

Sometimes we wait until three in a row, but in your case, I want to actually go ahead and run these tests for you now, but again, I, I feel like she was being super generous and I love her and my doctor, but I took that to mean, Oh no, something must be seriously wrong here. Isn’t it funny how easily we can take on somebody else’s panic?

Definitely. I mean, what a massive departure because here you were at the very beginning. You know, I’m fine. And then this occurs. That’s a massive shift. It really was. And again, in retrospect, I don’t think I recognized it at the time. I thought I was doing the right thing to be diligent, to find what the problem was.

So, you know, it’s kind of that kind of cliche of losing yourself. You don’t know you’re lost until you’re really lost. It would occur during that time. I love that you’re raising this Carolyn, because it’s such a, it’s such a thing that doesn’t get articulated that here. You are this woman. That’s very clear from a young age about what she wants.

She’s not living her life in fear. She’s living her life in discernment, waiting for the right man, confident in her body, confident that she can have this. And then all of a sudden that fertility journey, psychosis kicks in and. You know, but it’s totally understandable because then we start to think that this dream that we have, it’s not going to happen.

Like it goes from zero to like, it ain’t happening. Exactly. Exactly. And you know, to prove that to myself, I spent all of 2021 not getting pregnant. So every single month trying to get pregnant, tracking my cycle, using all the tools, doing all the things I know to do that. Again, I had supported women through with success.

And it wasn’t working for me. So the evidence just kept building that, you know, the closer I got to 44, the further I got away from that dream of becoming a mom. Isn’t that extraordinary? Wow. Okay. So why don’t you share with the ladies listening, like, how did we meet? Like, how did we come into each other’s world?

Yeah, so this is, um, what happened was New Year’s hits 2022 hit. I was again in that space of what do I want for my year? What do I want to create and motherhood was definitely on that list. I had at that again at that point I’d spend a year trying to get pregnant, doing the things I knew to do. And had not succeeded, did not get any positive pregnancy tests.

So I knew in January I had to do something different. I couldn’t have a repeat of 2021. 2021 is probably the worst year on this journey. Just because, again, it felt like such a defeating, every single month, such a defeat that I would just be further into that question of what’s wrong with me. So 2022 I decided was going to be different, that I was going to do something different.

And I was going to seek different type of help. So I had done the medical help, both allopathic and naturopathic. I had started things like acupuncture and just doing the things that I know to do, but I had not necessarily looked at my mindset before on this journey. And part of it was because, like you said, I felt I had a great mindset moving into it, but this was now the time that I recognized I need to do more work on that mindset piece that I know to be super important in health and many things in general.

And that I always had in the past. Um, and I think that’s been really successful with what I had lost it again on this journey. So somehow, in all areas of my life, I had used mindset, but in fertility, I did not. I was focusing on the physicals. And then I started with your podcast actually, so I think I just searched fertility podcast.

Yours came up and you dared to listen. I did. I was like, okay, let’s see what this one has. Like this podcast has to offer. And I listened to the very first one and I can’t remember the specifics of the episode, but I do remember just your style of. Just the style of presentation that no BS, you know, hard truth, but with love approach, which I totally resonate with.

And I knew that I could trust that you were telling the truth, right? So the things that you were saying, even if they were hard to hear, such as I might actually be part of the problem, but maybe not physically, like I had assumed, maybe it was more on the mental side of things, although that’s hard to hear.

It’s also refreshing to hear the truth to know that, Hey, you might actually be closer than you think to knowing what’s, you know, quote unquote wrong with me, right? So it was the podcast. That was the first start. And it was great for me because I would go on walks and I would just listen to your podcast and it would give me some, some, some direction in terms of where can I take my mindset.

It’s also really inspiring to hear all the stories that you have on your podcast of the ladies, again, who are succeeding and overcoming so many challenges. And again, that whole year of not getting pregnant, I had not really looked into stories of success. I was just basically hearing more and more. Um, you know, bad stories or stories where people didn’t get the outcome that they wanted.

So listening to those stories was really helpful and super instrumental in helping me get the confidence and the courage to reach out to you. Actually, no, to get your book. So your book was the next, the next part of our journey. And it was, I had the audio book. I loved it. And I just basically walked for hours, listened to it in a day.

And again, had a really strong sense that. This was the direction I needed to move into because the other things were being taken care of, I was doing them, and I wasn’t spending enough time and energy on the mindset piece. It always intrigues me when women share what caused them to look at this, because it’s the piece that so often goes missed.

And it’s easy to, I mean, just kind of the way that we’re basically trained, the problem is outside of me. If I, you know, I can out medicate it, I can out exercise it, I can out diet it, I can do all those things. But I think it takes a real. Sense of awareness and something special about someone to be able to, to take that information and do something with it.

And this is why, like, I always trust. I mean, it’s like you said that you felt like you could trust me. Well, but this is also why I trust my ladies when they come because the number of hoops you have to jump through in your own mind. To seek out this kind of help is already. It says so much about you.

What do you think about that? I think you’re right. I think you’re right because it does take again a lot of courage to actually go into a direction. That’s maybe not the accepted model. It’s definitely not discussed in the traditional. World of fertility treatment, and you do have to kind of take a risk that you’re going to be different, you know, that you might have a different story than, let’s say, your best friend or or your family members, even right.

So, yeah, I think it takes a lot of courage and a lot of maybe that that intuitive kind of knowing that you may not know what it means yet, but, you know, you have to move forward. That’s what I felt. That’s what I felt. Yeah. Yeah. Well, so why don’t you share a little bit about like, what were some of the, the things that you were noticing about yourself starting to do the work and you know, how did that impact your journey?

Yeah. So I think the biggest, so I, I decided to join your program, that eight week program and the biggest. The storyline that I found was really common in all the work that I was doing was the lack and scarcity and that I was really pitting things against one another in my life. So I could be happily married, but maybe I wouldn’t have that baby.

I could be successful in business, but I couldn’t be a really great mom or vice versa. Right. So I really was always kind of having to, for some reason, pick one. Or another and I had a hard time accepting that I could potentially just have both or have them all. Imagine that it’s kind of what are you making it mean to have it all like that’s an such an interesting way that you say that like what scared you about having it all.

I think it was a couple of things. So the scariness of not knowing what that is. So not knowing what all of it really is and how would I even manage it all? It sounds silly, but it’s, it’s like staying comfortable with struggling on some level with something. There’s comfort in knowing the struggle. And when you’re in that success place.

How would I manage that? So that was, that was like Isn’t that interesting though? I mean because that’s a legitimate question. And I think you’re, I think you’re hitting the nail right on the head that some of us we get addicted to struggle. We get really committed to struggle because we, we think that well I have to struggle in order to be worthy of having X, Y, and Z.

Uh huh, uh huh. Absolutely. And I realized as well like the women in my family They were mothers. They all had their, their families. Again, my grandma was the, the matriarch and the example, but everyone else had kids too. But there was a lot of stress that I witnessed growing up both in my home and just again, my extended family where the women seem to be taking on a lot of the stressful points of being a parent, being a mom.

And I think that was also kind of in the back of my mind in terms of lack and scarcity, you know, how was I going to be able to manage this without becoming. What I had witnessed, which was, again, a lot of stressful situations or stressful emotions associated with being a mom. Joy and happiness. Yes, but also a lot of stress.

Um, and yeah, and the answer was I had to design it. I just didn’t know that at the time, right? So designing it and then actually looking for examples beyond my family was a part of my homework to just be able to kind of move through that, that fear. Wow. Wow. So, I mean, that’s a massive awareness to see the pattern because we don’t know we’re in a paradigm.

We don’t know we’re in a matrix until we wake up and see that we’re in this matrix, right? Yeah. So I remember pushing you to challenge those things. Yes. So what was that like? It was difficult.

We don’t play games, girl. We don’t play games. No. And I remember some of your homework assignments. You know, where I really struggled and, and it was not because I couldn’t, you know, write you an email with my answer, but it was the actual commitment to, you know, thinking outside of what I had known to be the norm, you know, and looking beyond again, those limits, right?

So yeah, I really became super aware of my lack and scarcity storyline being really prominent behind some of my actions or inactions. My choices and again, sometimes choosing to stay where I was, as opposed to leaping forward. Wow. And isn’t that interesting? Because I think it’s also important to point out that lack and scarcity comes in many forms.

See, when people hear that, they think it’s just money, but it’s actually time. It’s love. It’s opportunity. It’s all kinds of stuff. So at this point. When you’re going through the program, what were you doing as far as your fertility was concerned? Kind of parallel to that. Yeah. Well, one thing I was doing this finally, just accepting that I was on this journey and that I didn’t have to, you know, make it happen every single month.

So that was a big relief. I was feeling so much more aligned just with my body. I was trusting my body, you know, one of the, Outcomes of one of our coaching calls is just you, you telling me like, you know, recognize you are fertile, you’re having your period, it is regular, you are ovulating. And again, I had not really taken the time to admit that or acknowledge that I was so stuck on, you know, why am I not pregnant?

So I started to shift outside of that and start seeing signs of fertility, really healthy, positive signs. And then I was also becoming more open to other treatments. So IVF became something that I was actually now becoming more open to. Again, I had stuck in a little box that, you know, I wanted to get pregnant naturally and I had to kind of close that IVF door.

And so through your coaching program, I was able to open up to the idea that, you know, this could potentially be something I could do. And again, it’s, I don’t have to be afraid. I just need to go for it to see how it goes. Yeah. Yeah. And did you, did you check that out? I did. I did. So at the very end of our program, I was Heading into that IVF cycle, I think it was two weeks after the program ended, so mid April, and I was a couple weeks away from my birthday, which was a trigger again, as usual, you know, every April at the end of the month, I get that trigger point.

But again, I was pretty excited that I was at least taking the steps. To move into a different space with my fertility journey, and then I would give myself a chance and I did, you know, I still didn’t feel great about the IDF in general, in terms of all the steps. They felt to me very mechanical and just not what I had envisioned.

And again, it’s, it’s not because that can’t be a success for some people. I just didn’t feel that deep alignment, but I also didn’t want to close the door. And I did say like, if I, you know, if I didn’t do this now, would I regret this later? And I would. So I went into it mid April and again, secretly. At the back of my mind, I was also like, well, I could technically still do this at 44.

It’ll be a couple of weeks before my 45th birthday. So technically I might still do this. So again, but at that time I was less invested in that. So I went into the IVF cycle. We did the egg retrieval. We got two eggs retrieved and both fertilized. But they didn’t survive, so it was like a day five or day six, they stopped growing and the clinic called me and said, you know, we’re going to cancel that transfer, there is no transfer and you know, if you want to do this, you have to try again.

And the doctor, who I wasn’t super connected to, and again, because of COVID, had, we’d only had phone consults until the day of my egg retrieval and I just didn’t feel great about that being our first meeting. Um, Right. And he had said to me, you know, at your age, I wouldn’t advise that you try IVF again. I would suggest you try donor eggs.

That would be the next. And, and I said, you know, what are the chances? It’s like super low, like less than 5 percent that you could be successful with your own eggs. But if you did donor eggs, you could raise that up to about 50%. And he said, you know, sometimes. You know, your egg and his sperm, maybe they just don’t go together.

That was his, that was his rationale for why the IVF didn’t, didn’t work, which I actually rejected right away. I didn’t, I didn’t love that. He said that. And, you know, internally just thought that’s, that’s not true. That’s definitely not. My story. Wow. Wow. So what did you do after that? So after that, so I was sad about the IVF not working and the, you know, the process, the transfer being cancelled, but at the same time, I also felt a little bit of relief.

That I wasn’t going to be going forward with that whole process and after that interaction with the doctor, I definitely knew I wasn’t going to go forward with that clinic, right? So in retrospect, I was kind of happy that I didn’t actually have to continue on with that doctor and I actually took Uh, time to think about it.

I was sad, but also just kind of hopeful that, you know, I was at least at this stage of my life still willing to go for it and still wanting to go for it and that I hadn’t just given up that I was just, you know, I was proud of myself for going for it basically. And so at this point, you’re 44 at this point.

I just turned 45 45. Okay. So I spent that whole year 44, no pregnancy, even to the very end. I was two weeks before hoping, but it didn’t happen. So one thing that happened with turning 45 was I just kind of, I realized, okay, well, that my grandma’s story is apparently not my story. That is some wisdom there.

Yeah. And my biggest fear had come true, which was not being pregnant or having a baby by 44. So at this point I was almost like in some ways more free. To just now kind of regroup and think about what I truly wanted to do. And that was probably again, not the intention initially, but the side benefit of just not having the pressure kind of just released me from that pressure, which was wonderful.

Think about what you just said, 45 and totally released of the pressure. Crazy. Yeah. And recognizing that, okay, this, if I have to go another route, like, maybe it wasn’t that clinic. If I have to go another route, I know I can do it. I know that I can move in different directions here and not feel uncomfortable.

That I didn’t go for it. I was really intentional about I’m not giving up until I feel that, you know, this isn’t right for me. I’m going to keep going right. And then what I did also realize was IVF was pretty stressful. It was a very busy time, you know, in terms of my practice. And then trying to do all the appointments and injections, like it just was a really stressful time.

My stress was building in terms of, again, that 45th birthday and just all the pressure. So I told, I remember telling my husband, you know, I just need to take a little bit of a break from all the pressurizing aspects of this journey. And I need to start just doing the things that I would normally go about doing in my life if I wasn’t trying to get pregnant like every month and living in these two week intervals.

And he was totally agreeing with that, like he had told me for some time then, like by then, that, you know, I should do more things, I should be more, go out more, or do more of the things I used to do. And I was, I was doing what a lot of people do, which is you’re just kind of afraid to do some of the things for fear of Again, disrupting any potential pregnancy.

So exercise, I salsa dance, even dancing, I had put off for a very long time because you know, twisting motion could potentially cause issues with implantation. I know it was, it sounds, I can laugh at it now, but at the time I’m so intensely devoted to doing everything I possibly could that I was willing to not have fun and not live and just.

You know, wait to, to, to be on a stick and hope for the best, right? So that was the best realization. I think after IVF was that I was relieved and that I needed a break. I needed to actually just do some things and that we’re heading into the summer months at this time. And again, in terms of timing, COVID restrictions are now lifting, things are opening up again, and we’re doing things that are more normal again anyways.

So I decided to take the summer off. I decided to take the summer to just. live, dance, do some traveling and still, you know, maintain my eating habits and my supplement protocols and all those things. So I wasn’t saying no to trying, but I wasn’t being heavily, uh, pressurizing to both myself and my husband.

I was going to just let it flow for a little while. I love, I mean, like, you know, Carolyn, you’re blowing me away. I mean, you always have, but it, it blows me away at the change that had to occur. Within you to be 45 and have the presence of mind to say, I’m not gonna be under this pressure. I’m taking the summer off.

Most women are like at 45. You got an army of folks waiting outside your front door 24 hours a day to help call this in. I mean, I would love it if you would share, like, what was that in you? Because you, you know that the, the fear was knocking. Like, the fear was absolutely knocking. What do you think that was?

I think it was a few things. So, one was just the exhaustion. It, you know, my, my body was literally just exhausted from the whole Experience of, again, IVF in particular, but just like everything to do with tracking your cycle and timing and just, you know, intercourse and, and just the whole thing was so exhausting that my body was just like, can we please just have a break, please.

So I heard that loud and clear. With the IVF, I think again, because I had faced that fear of 44 being over, I didn’t have the same level of fear anymore. It wasn’t this running, you know, motivation, it was actually just Now, a fact, I was no longer 44, I’m 45, I’m still on the journey and, you know, I’m willing to keep going.

So I think having that, that sense of, I didn’t give up at the end of 44, that I didn’t just pack my bags and say, I’m, I’m finished. Hell no. Yeah. Like, I think that really helped me stay in a more trusting space. And then I, you know, it’s funny because I consulted with more people at that time. Just to make sure that I hadn’t missed anything and I kept getting the same guidance from everyone and I went to several people like three or four different practitioners.

They all kind of said essentially the same thing. You need to get more rest, you need to sleep more, you need to exercise, you need to make sure you’re eating regularly because sometimes I’d get really busy and I’d skip a meal and not, not skip it entirely, but just delay the meal. You know, you need to just do the basics.

And it was pretty interesting to me as again. A practitioner who says this all the time that I was again looking for some really extreme answers to my, you know, my issues, but they were the most basic things that work communicated to me over and over and over again, which made me listen, because if I had heard it from only one person, I think I would have brushed it off.

Right. Hearing it from three or four different people who didn’t know each other and who were assessing me and saying, this is what you need to do. I took it to heart and I really did say like, okay, this summer going to bed early, I’m going to join friends to do more things. I’m going to go for my long hikes that I had again, stopped doing and I’m going to go dancing.

So if there’s a dance event, I’m going to go, it’s going to be beautiful and I’m not going to worry about. Like my uterus somehow twisting and not being able to implant a baby. I’m just going to have fun. Summer helps though. The summer season helps. You can’t do that so much in the winter in Canada. But what you’re saying is something, I mean, nobody believes me when I talk about the power of vitamin J, that’s cute.

Roseanne, you know, like it’s easy for you to say that, but so many women talk about this. And this is why, you know, you hear me yelling all the time about like, show this baby who you are. This baby is, is needs to know who her mama is, right? You go dance, you go enjoy yourself. You go do those things. The more you, you become the easier it is for this baby to find you.

A hundred percent. A hundred percent. And I think, again, I had not done that very well. I had lost myself. In that fertility journey. And I, I lost the things that would keep me feeling well and supported and whole and relaxed. I just basically lost them. So I agree with you that if you can just be who you are, live authentically, you know, that baby’s going to know what kind of life they’re going to be joining.

And they might be pretty excited by that. Right? Well, so, so share a little with us about, I mean, what happened at the end of the summer. So this, so that, that was my timeline. So my timeline to my husband, the conversation was, went something like this. Let’s relax for the summer. But by the end of the summer, if nothing has happened, then, you know, let’s explore some options.

Do we go back to IDF? Do we pick it up a notch in terms of like, The, the, all the cycle tracking and all those things, which he wasn’t thrilled about, or do we even go in other directions? Right? Like I was like, I’m willing to, to look at other things, but let’s, let’s see, you know, let’s, let’s have this conversation at the end of the summer.

And so what happened through the summer, we, we had lots of fun traveling became an option again. And I did something I never really do. I took three weeks off in the summer. Yep. So that was really instrumental again, new, it was like new behavior. It was me doing things differently this summer, recognizing I needed a break and that included with my job.

So two weeks were spent at a cottage, just relaxing and just enjoying nature. And at the end of that week, we had a family wedding. So I remember just being happy to shop for a dress and shoes and just. Again, just kind of those basic elements of vitamin J that I had not done for years. And I happen to be ovulating in and around that time, but no pressure.

I was just excited to be at a wedding and it was a joyous occasion. Uh, and then the following week, uh, or two weeks later, we went away for a week to Mexico. And this was the first time I’d been in the ocean since 2020. So. It was a huge thing for me to be back by the ocean. I, I personally just feel better somehow in the ocean.

I think everyone does. I mean, just you talking about is like, Yes. And I, I call it vitamin C, like for real, like S E A because it’s like a vitamin. I soak up the water and it just, I feel like a new person when I, I just at the ocean and I come out, I’m just new. So I was super excited by that. And that was very last minute.

Again, not my personality to just last minute, cancel my appointments and go to Mexico. But that’s what we did. And I remember when we were planning that last minute trip, I said to my husband, you know, I might get my period. I’m like supposed to get it somewhere like Wednesday, Tuesday, Wednesday. Again, it wasn’t even a hundred percent clear because I wasn’t super invested in my tracking all the tracking that I’ve been doing.

So I said to him, you know, I’m not going to enjoy the fact that at that week, I might be on my period. But let’s go anyways, because it was the only time we could, we could go. And I’m just gonna, I told him, I’m just gonna be in the water as much as possible. I’m just gonna soak up every day I can, you know, before I get that period, because I just want to enjoy myself.

And he was like, okay, that’s great. Let’s do it. So we, we went to Mexico and I did just that every single day I was in the ocean as much as I could be. And I just was so grateful. I was just so happy to be in the heat in the ocean. And the, the, just everything was beautiful. The resort, the food, everything was gorgeous.

And I just was so happy to be there. And my body. You know, everything was aligned. My mind, my body, we were just grateful, happy, the sun. And every day just felt like a gift because I was just so excited that I didn’t get my period. And so by about Friday of that week, my husband said, Hey, have you gotten period yet?

And I was like, no, but don’t, don’t mention it. Cause I’m just sucking it in. I’m just going to, I’m just going to enjoy the ocean. You know, I’m just going to let it be. And I, I wasn’t thinking really about pregnancy. I was just grateful that. You know, I was maybe going to get it a couple days late and that I would, you know, have this week away.

And so by the end of that trip, a couple days later, I was now starting to wonder a little bit more because I had expected it. And we were getting closer to leaving. So again, it was like starting to think about returning home and all the things that would come with that. And I got a little bit excited, but I didn’t want to get too excited.

And I just wanted to stay grateful. And so that was kind of my intention with that trip was just, you know, no matter what, I’m just gonna be super grateful. We had this time together as a family, my stepson was with us and we just had such a great time. And everything was just so wonderful that week and my body just felt wonderful.

Everything was just super aligned. And then I wasn’t going to ruin it with. this, you know, nervousness of like, am I pregnant? Am I not? I just was going to enjoy it and be grateful. That was my intention. And then you sent me a text message. Yes. So then we got home and once we got home, I definitely was like, okay, now I’m like several days late now I should take a test.

And so we took the test and it was positive. And it was just like such a. Sweet surprise, I’m going to call it, because it was not something I had planned, you know, overly, um, intensely. It was a possibility, but it wasn’t something I had focused on. Those two weeks that I would normally panic and, and really obsess about a positive pregnancy test, I did not at all.

And it was just the sweetest surprise to see the positive test. Yes. You know, Carolyn, when, when I remember when you sent me that text message and I had looked at all of the text and I’m like, it didn’t surprise me that you did it. I think what was interesting is I kept thinking to myself, now she knows.

Now she really knows and I, I remember thinking to myself, I hope she never forgets because now she knows that she can have the things that she wants and you don’t have to suffer to get them. Yes. Like, it’s just insane what became possible for you because here you are absolutely enjoying yourself. You felt like, you know, I’m going to go soak up the ocean, vitamin C, S E A and like being and dancing again and all of these things that you knew that you loved.

You go from, you know, back to back miscarriages, IVF not working for you being told you have a 5 percent or less chance, and you have the audacity to take the summer off, honor your body, listen to your heart, and come back from Mexico to find out you’re pregnant, naturally at 45. Yes. It was amazing. It was amazing.

I mean, and how far along are you now? So now I’m 36 weeks. So we’re getting close to the end of this particular part of the journey. Yep. Pretty exciting. 36 weeks pregnant. And you’ll be 46 when? So on the due date, the due date is actually my 46th birthday. You couldn’t have planned that more perfectly. I mean, the, the irony, you know, like, I mean, you, you think about, think about letting go of your grandma’s story and instead living your own two years later.

Absolutely. Yeah. And it’s, it’s interesting because I purposely I didn’t look up the due date because I had had such that that big trauma before with the due date and that trigger point. I made a point. I’m not looking up any dates. I’m going to take this one day at a time. I’m going to just, again, be grateful and enjoy this pregnancy however long it lasts.

Like, I just really wanted to stay super present. And so, when the doctor said, Oh, your due date is on the 30th, I was shocked. Like, my, my whole face, everything was shocked because I, like you said, I could not have planned that. I could not have even dreamt of that. I mean, you’re living proof of, you know, I’m, I’m sure you remember me shouting about the thing that’s coming for you is 10, 000 times better than you could ever imagine.

I mean, Carolyn, like, look, look at the change you made from where you began knowing that that’s something you started 2022 knowing that something had to be different. That being you. And then a year later, you find yourself. Four weeks from giving birth. I mean, look at how quickly that change happened in a year.

It’s amazing. It’s amazing. So what would you want to say to the women listening that might be living their own limiting story, living their own matrix and paradigm that, oh, well, I can’t do this because I’m 45, you know, how dare I, you know, want it all? Like, what would you want them to know? I want them to know that sometimes we’re doing the right things, but that’s how we’re doing them.

That is going to be really impactful. And again, if I reflect, I was doing so many things out of fear and I was just running with the fear of like, I’m not going to make it. I need to hurry up. Like, you know, fear was such a driving force. And so sometimes, you know, you can do the exact same things, take the same supplements, do the same diet protocol, but the, the mindset shift is so impactful, like if you’re doing things with love and self care and compassion, and again, that freedom, like letting yourself be free to do these things and not feel the fear, I think that’s the biggest thing that I would, I would, I would want everyone to know, you know, it’s like not what you do, it’s how you do it.

Oh, a hundred percent. I mean, a hundred percent. This is, I mean, we see this anecdotally in so many different circumstances. We see this in cancer patients. We see this in, you know, you can, two people can be given the same exact treatment, but go completely different directions. And you were more fertile, older, technically than before, naturally.

I mean, did you ever like in your mind’s eye, even imagine that you could conceive and carry to term? At almost 46, I would not have imagined that because again, in my mind, 44, that was the cutoff date. So no, I would have, I would have expected that to not be possible for me or anyone really like I, I would have kept that limit at 44 because that’s what I witnessed.

You know, I love this for you. I, I def, I definitely hope that you drive by that clinic that told you you had a less than 5 percent chance. Just drive by with your, your baby in the back and just do this. I will do that. Yeah. Yeah. Just do that. I mean, I know I did it. I did the same thing. I’m like, Oh, no help for me.

Not a different plan. I mean, I’m just so happy for you, Carolyn. And what you’re doing is just so generous to share your story with others because, you know, the people around us, you know, they’re doing the best with what they know. Okay. There’s no like, it’s wonderful to have this constellation of different resources coming in to support.

But in the end, Following your heart clearly paid off, listening to your heart, trusting your body, trusting yourself and trusting that relief because you were still open to the possibility of going to IVF, but there was something in your soul telling you that your eggs had not given up. You are not stopping and that you could still do this.

You’re right, I think, I think, uh, if I had gone, let’s say to another clinic and tried more IVF, I don’t know that it would have been. a better experience. Maybe there would have been better medical professionals, but you know, from the perspective of alignment, I don’t think I would have felt that there. It just felt truly aligned with who I am to just be again on a trip, you know, accidentally kind of finding this out.

It’s just kind of who I am. I I’m not someone who likes to have everything. I don’t want to push through everything. I want things to flow. And so it was just really perfect. I think my baby, again, Prove that to me as well. Like, I think she was like, yeah, I’m willing to stay here. I think we can, I think I can make this work.

Oh man, Carolyn. I mean, I just love this. You did this on your terms. You did this in a way that was aligned with you. You stopped living in fear. You, you made that mindset shift to do something, the virtually impossible of giving yourself this break, like we talked about. So wow. I am so happy for you, woman.

I just. The two of us having this conversation is just such a blessing and thank you for sharing so much with the women listening because I think you’re going to inspire so many women out there who may be thinking about, you know, throwing in the towel at their ancient age of 45 when you’re living proof that you get an alignment, anything is possible.

Absolutely. And I want to Roseanne, your program was such. A big shift for me and it really made my journey go in a very different direction. So thank you so much for all of your guidance and for anyone who’s listening that. You know, has never thought that it’s possible for her. Like just know it is possible and listen to the podcast because you’ll get those stories over and over and over again.

And it really starts to help that, that imagination start to kind of move in the direction that it is possible. And I think we all need that. So thank you. Thank you for providing that for us. Oh, you’re so welcome. And there, it is such a pleasure for me to have you move from listener to guest. Thank you so much, Carolyn.

Thank you, Roseanne. Thank you so much. Oh, M G. My loves. Didn’t you just absolutely love Carolyn? I mean, and I gotta tell you, since I saw the pics, her daughter is as beautiful as she is. And I’m going to tell you straight up. This is why my ladies are why I come leaping out of bed every morning because this is what is possible for you.

This is what happens when a woman lives her journey with integrity, does what she says she’s going to do, stops telling white lies about what she can’t do or won’t do, making excuses for why she can’t, but she steps into her power and says, you know what, I am doing this. I am not leaving any of my bases uncovered.

I am approaching this journey, mind and body, to give myself the best possible chances because you know what? I’m not living my life with regret. And now today, Carolyn, just within 12 months of doing this work, is holding her baby girl. This is possible for you too. And if you want to learn what I taught, Carolyn, my fearlessly fertile method program is for women who intend to get pregnant in the next 12 months, just like Carolyn and say, hell yes, to covering their bases, mind and body.

So you don’t have to look back on this time in your life with regret. I work with women who are committed to success. They’re more committed to their success than they are their fucking excuses. Just like Carolyn to apply for your interview for this program. Go to my website, www.FromMaybeToBaby.com and apply for an interview there.

My methodology is help women around the world make their mom dreams come true. Their results speak for themselves. We got the receipts, baby receipts. And if you don’t have a mindset for success in this journey, baby, you got a gaping hole in your strategy. Let’s fix that shit and set you up for success.

Just like we helped Carolyn till next time change your mindset change your results Love this episode of the fearlessly fertile podcast subscribe now and leave an awesome review Remember the desire in your heart to be a mom is there because it was meant for you when it comes to your dreams Keep saying hell.

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By your mid-40s, you have more people telling you why you CAN’T versus why you CAN get and stay pregnant. With miscarriage and failed IVF in her past, it would have been easy for Carolyn to give up on her dream or get bullied into doing things out of alignment with her truth. Learn how this amazing medical professional learned to trust herself, her body, and her dream, so that she could hold her newborn daughter on her 46th birthday! Carolyn is living proof that YOU can beat the odds–AND she did it within 12 months of completing my program!

Grab the “From <5% Chance to Pregnant Naturally At 45: Carolyn’s Story” Journaling Page

Transcript:
Hey Gorgeous, if you want success on your fertility journey, you’ve got to have the mindset for it. It’s time to kick fear, negativity, doubt, shame, jealousy, and the whole clown car of low vibe fertility journey BS to the curb. I’m your host, Roseanne Austin, Fertility Mindset Master. Former prosecutor and recovering type A control freak perfectionist.

I use the power of mindset to get pregnant naturally and have my baby boy at 43, despite years of fertility treatment failure. I help women across the globe beat the odds on their fertility journey, just like I did. Get ready for a quick hit of confidence, joy, feminine badassery, and loads of hell yes for your fertility journey.

It’s time to get fearless, baby, fearlessly fertile. Let’s do this. Welcome to the Fearlessly Fertile Podcast, episode 220. From a less than 5 percent chance to pregnant, naturally, at 45, baby. This is Carolyn’s story. Loves, I am so excited to be here with you this week, as I always am. And I get particularly giddy when we have yet another just heart Bursting soul, joy, making, make you want to run right through a brick wall for this baby episode where we’ve got one of my ladies sharing her story.

I mean this, I hope that all of you can really appreciate what it means to have these amazing, kind, generous, big hearted, go getter, lovably type A control freaky women come on and share their stories. Because you know what? They don’t have to do that. Right? Think about that. Think about how kind and generous these women are in giving back and paying it forward by sharing their story because story is one of the most powerful ways that we learn.

When we can connect with someone else’s story, we can see possibility for ourselves. And that is what you’re going to get. Out of hearing Carolyn share her journey with you today. And I’m super freaking jacked up about this episode because, you know, negative shit about women trying to conceive in their 40s, that is everywhere.

It’s cheap. It’s easy to get. It’s like the fast food of the fertility world, right? All of the doom and gloom. But in today’s episode, you are going to hear how Carolyn had the audacity To trust herself in her mid forties and allow herself to conceive naturally after so many long miserable faces were telling her, you know, you need IVF, all this, you know, all the typical rigmarole that we hear.

And while those things are awesome and they have their place, what was true for Carolyn is she really didn’t want to go the IVF route. You’re going to hear that. Carolyn struggled with miscarriage. She did IVF to kind of check the box and just wanted to make sure she wasn’t leaving any stone unturned.

But the truth in her heart was that she wanted to conceive this baby naturally. So she did some extraordinary things. Like, number one, work on her mindset. Number two, as a medical professional, really go inward, working on herself, working on her body, making sure her nutrition and her overall health was in a great place.

And Ding, ding, ding. She took her fucking time. I mean, this is crazy because we don’t hear about that stuff in your, in your mid 40s. Like, Oh, you know, take some time to try. Like Carolyn did that. And you’re going to hear so many amazing, just nuggets of wisdom dropping from this woman’s mouth today. But what’s also really cool is she did it within a year.

Of doing my program like as you will hear her tell you like almost a year to the day of starting my program She was preparing to give birth to her baby. And what’s crazy is as of the time of this recording Carolyn gave birth to her baby girl just within days of her 46th birthday She was due on her 46th birthday and she ended up having her baby just a few days before it So look remember why story is so powerful.

It helps us see what’s possible for us So I hope you get inspired just to the core. And I mean, if this episode doesn’t have you running through a wall for this baby, I don’t know what will. But here is my conversation with Carolyn. Take it to heart and keep asking yourself, as you listen to this, how could I step into that power?

Okay? Because what you hear in Carolyn exists in you. If you allow yourself to go there. So here is my conversation with the amazing big hearted, lovable articulate and statistic busting Carolyn.

How are you? I am fantastic and I’m super excited for what we are about to embark on woman. Me too. Me too. I mean, we’ll just jump right in because You know, I was thinking a lot about your story and, and all of the interesting twists and turns and, and all of like the growth. So I’m like super excited to be getting into this.

So, so why don’t you start us off like super simple. Just share with the women listening, like how you found yourself on this journey and we’ll go from there. Okay. Yeah. Thank you. Well, first of all, thank you for having me on. I’m actually super grateful and I was doing some just re kind of looking at my calendar and I realized that I finished your program like almost a year, like exactly a year ago today.

So. What a difference a year makes. It’s so true. It is so true. Yeah. So March of last year to April, like it’s just crazy, crazy, crazy. So my journey began actually before even meeting my husband and deciding that I wanted to have a family with him. And it began, you know, in my twenties where I I want to have a family with the right person.

And I’m willing to wait for that person and I had been in relationships, long term relationships, the subject of marriage and family would come up and it just, it would never feel quite right. And I’m just so grateful that I followed that gut instinct. To just kind of trust that I would find the right person.

In the meantime, I was doing awesome things, have a great career. I’m in holistic medicine, helping women with their bodies and their health and hormones and all the good stuff. Um, and I never really worried about it. And one of the reasons was my grandmother on my mom’s side had 15 kids. Pretty much back to back, uh, all at home and just very little medical intervention all safely and healthily brought home and she, her last child, her 15th was at 44 and a half.

And I think I always just had this example in my life. That, you know, fertility was not something to worry about and that there would always be time to have kids later. You know, I mean, I love that you’re sharing this because think about this, like you’re, you’re already out of the typical paradigm, right?

So like you started in this really healthy, amazing place. Hey, I’m going to wait for the right person. I don’t have to worry about my fertility because the women in my family are insanely fertile. And my grandmother, like. So what brought that to a screeching halt though? Because like, cause you had a foundation that most people don’t have.

Yes. Good question. So I did end up meeting my husband when I was 41 and I was really excited to recognize pretty quickly that he was the person that I wanted to start a family with and he was on board. And he actually, I remember him asking me on a date, you know, are you worried at all about fertility?

And I was like, no, this is totally doable. And actually in my own practice. Women in their forties were having babies, healthy babies. So I was super confident and super certain that we were totally going to be a okay. Uh, we got married the following year at, I was 42. And one thing I didn’t recognize at the time was even though I was really confident that fertility was achievable for me, and it was totally going to be something I could do.

I did probably have this limit of 44 without really recognizing it as a limit. So I was in my mind saying, Oh, I’m ahead of schedule. I’m 42. We’ve got plenty of time. So I ended up getting married. We got married in the fall 2019. And in March of 2020, I found out I was pregnant. And the next day the world shut down for COVID.

So it was such an interesting time. It was. Exciting and stressful all at the same time. And, you know, my business had to change pretty much overnight. Had to close our physical office space, had to suddenly go virtual overnight. I wasn’t at all prepared for that. And I was pregnant and, you know, almost not prepared for that as well.

I, we, we hadn’t, I wasn’t even tracking my cycle. We were just doing it the kind of old fashioned way of just like, let’s just see what happens. Imagine that. Right. So, I, I, you know, at that time, I recognized I was really stressed and also maybe a little bit shocked by that pregnancy just kind of happening kind of at the same time.

And sadly, about six weeks into that pregnancy, I started bleeding and I had a miscarriage. And so that was, that was obviously devastating and, and shocking, but at the same time, I, I was aware that miscarriages can happen, and I knew that wasn’t a sign that I couldn’t be successful. I had counseled many women through miscarriage in the past, and they had gone on to have healthy pregnancies, so I had that kind of side of things working in my favor, that I didn’t feel that this was the end.

Um, but I did notice that I was now even more invested. in wanting to get pregnant. So then I did start tracking and I did start using all the tools, the basal body temperature and the ovulation strips. And the pressure did start to build a little more in intensity because now it was like, okay, we, we really need to actually Try to try, um, yeah, so it was a little bit of a shift and again, that was the summer of 2020 and the COVID shutdowns were happening and just a lot of things were totally in influx, lots of uncertainty, including with my business.

And so, you know, looking back at it now, I was pretty stressed and also trying to make. This pregnancy happened. Make it happen, Carolyn! Yes, yes. So, I did get pregnant again. In July of 2020. And again, it was about 3 or 4 months after the last miscarriage. Uh, and this time again, I was just more prepared. I had been more aware of all the things that were to come.

And, I was excited when I looked up the due date. It was two weeks before my 44th birthday. So, you know, in my heart and in my mind, I thought this was so perfect. I met the deadline. I was going to be a mom before or just about 44, just like my grandmother. Uh, and we were excited to find out like, you know, it was going to be an April baby.

We have a lot of birthdays in our family that are April birthdays. And we thought this is so fitting. Right. And because of COVID, I couldn’t really have those face to face visits with doctors. So it was really all over the phone. But, you know, they said, okay, everything looks great. Your numbers are looking okay.

Let’s book that first ultrasound again around the eight week mark. And so when I went in for that ultrasound, just for context, again, during COVID, I had to go along, my husband came with me, but he couldn’t come into the room with me. Everyone was wearing masks, everything was really kind of different. And I went in with excitement because I thought, okay, this is where we start to get the pictures and all the baby things.

And sadly, again, this was. More shocking, but the technician, after trying for a few minutes, said, you know, I’m really sorry, but I don’t see, I don’t hear a heartbeat. There’s no heartbeat. And I, I was actually not even, I didn’t know what she meant when she said that. Like I was not even sure what that meant.

Yes. Like I was like, Oh, so do you have to keep looking for one or, you know, do you need me to move positions? And she was like, no, I’m just really sorry to tell you, but. There’s no heartbeat. You know, this pregnancy is not viable. So, that’s when my fertility journey shifted a lot. You know, for obvious reasons in terms of having a miscarriage, but just that second miscarriage, like two in a row, medically, this is where the questions start to come up about what could be wrong here, right?

What’s behind this? Could there be something happening? Could there be something wrong with you, with me? And again, it was really traumatic to come out Of the ultrasound room, my husband excitedly waiting for me to say like, you know, here’s the picture and unfortunately, I was just crying and saying like, you know, there’s no baby, there’s no heartbeat.

So totally, totally devastating and confidence in myself, trust in my body, totally wiped out. I would say like in that moment and. The, the next few months, even with the medical team saying, okay, we’ve got to send you for this set of tests, there’s got to be something behind this, you know, it could be your age, but it could also be all these other things medically that could be going wrong.

And again, never really had given that any thought before. It’s pretty healthy and had just never thought that I could be in that category of, you know, facing those potential diagnoses. Reasons that someone might have more than one miscarriage. So that was pretty tough. Yeah. I mean, I, I think when you, you know, we can all kind of stomach one, you know what I mean?

Like we kind of know, like in our minds, we kind of figure, okay, this is possible and it happens. That doesn’t mean it’s easy to get over, but it happens. And then we can kind of like, okay. Next time, you know, we, we can try to categorize it in that way to be able to manage, but two in a row, you’re exactly right.

Takes it into that next level. Like wow, is there something wrong with me? Like inherently, is there something wrong with me? So where did you go after that? Like what was that next step? So You talked about this, you know, crazy list of, you know, constellation of shit that can be wrong with you, like, and as a healthcare professional yourself, like, what did you do with all of that?

Well, again, I think for the first time on that journey, I began to seek care and help. I’m glad I did, but I think when I went about doing it, I was coming at it from a place of. What’s wrong with me or a place of just not full health, but you know, what’s the illness find the illness for me. So I visited many doctors specialists were, I was referred to specialists.

I visited naturopathic doctors, colleagues, like I, I visited a bunch of different people. In hopes that they could give me the answer, like what’s wrong with me, you know, fix me and that’s not my typical way of doing things, but fertility has a way of, of. You know, taking you sometimes in places that you didn’t think you’d end up in and again, you just find yourself trying to kind of go with the line of thinking that’s presented to you over and over and over again, right?

Did you feel like, I mean, because it’s a very different world because in your world, the body can heal, there are, there are many paths to healing. Like there’s this softness about it. Not softness is in, you know, without efficacy, but there’s just a different energy about it. But then when you get into the allopathic medicine realm, it’s like, you know, did you feel that difference?

I did. I did. I felt the panic button. My doctor, you know, she’s lovely and I think she meant well, but even my doctor’s panic, you know, the panic in her voice was now becoming my panic and, and she was being actually nice in a sense that she was speeding up the process for me. So she said, he’s done.

Sometimes we wait until three in a row, but in your case, I want to actually go ahead and run these tests for you now, but again, I, I feel like she was being super generous and I love her and my doctor, but I took that to mean, Oh no, something must be seriously wrong here. Isn’t it funny how easily we can take on somebody else’s panic?

Definitely. I mean, what a massive departure because here you were at the very beginning. You know, I’m fine. And then this occurs. That’s a massive shift. It really was. And again, in retrospect, I don’t think I recognized it at the time. I thought I was doing the right thing to be diligent, to find what the problem was.

So, you know, it’s kind of that kind of cliche of losing yourself. You don’t know you’re lost until you’re really lost. It would occur during that time. I love that you’re raising this Carolyn, because it’s such a, it’s such a thing that doesn’t get articulated that here. You are this woman. That’s very clear from a young age about what she wants.

She’s not living her life in fear. She’s living her life in discernment, waiting for the right man, confident in her body, confident that she can have this. And then all of a sudden that fertility journey, psychosis kicks in and. You know, but it’s totally understandable because then we start to think that this dream that we have, it’s not going to happen.

Like it goes from zero to like, it ain’t happening. Exactly. Exactly. And you know, to prove that to myself, I spent all of 2021 not getting pregnant. So every single month trying to get pregnant, tracking my cycle, using all the tools, doing all the things I know to do that. Again, I had supported women through with success.

And it wasn’t working for me. So the evidence just kept building that, you know, the closer I got to 44, the further I got away from that dream of becoming a mom. Isn’t that extraordinary? Wow. Okay. So why don’t you share with the ladies listening, like, how did we meet? Like, how did we come into each other’s world?

Yeah, so this is, um, what happened was New Year’s hits 2022 hit. I was again in that space of what do I want for my year? What do I want to create and motherhood was definitely on that list. I had at that again at that point I’d spend a year trying to get pregnant, doing the things I knew to do. And had not succeeded, did not get any positive pregnancy tests.

So I knew in January I had to do something different. I couldn’t have a repeat of 2021. 2021 is probably the worst year on this journey. Just because, again, it felt like such a defeating, every single month, such a defeat that I would just be further into that question of what’s wrong with me. So 2022 I decided was going to be different, that I was going to do something different.

And I was going to seek different type of help. So I had done the medical help, both allopathic and naturopathic. I had started things like acupuncture and just doing the things that I know to do, but I had not necessarily looked at my mindset before on this journey. And part of it was because, like you said, I felt I had a great mindset moving into it, but this was now the time that I recognized I need to do more work on that mindset piece that I know to be super important in health and many things in general.

And that I always had in the past. Um, and I think that’s been really successful with what I had lost it again on this journey. So somehow, in all areas of my life, I had used mindset, but in fertility, I did not. I was focusing on the physicals. And then I started with your podcast actually, so I think I just searched fertility podcast.

Yours came up and you dared to listen. I did. I was like, okay, let’s see what this one has. Like this podcast has to offer. And I listened to the very first one and I can’t remember the specifics of the episode, but I do remember just your style of. Just the style of presentation that no BS, you know, hard truth, but with love approach, which I totally resonate with.

And I knew that I could trust that you were telling the truth, right? So the things that you were saying, even if they were hard to hear, such as I might actually be part of the problem, but maybe not physically, like I had assumed, maybe it was more on the mental side of things, although that’s hard to hear.

It’s also refreshing to hear the truth to know that, Hey, you might actually be closer than you think to knowing what’s, you know, quote unquote wrong with me, right? So it was the podcast. That was the first start. And it was great for me because I would go on walks and I would just listen to your podcast and it would give me some, some, some direction in terms of where can I take my mindset.

It’s also really inspiring to hear all the stories that you have on your podcast of the ladies, again, who are succeeding and overcoming so many challenges. And again, that whole year of not getting pregnant, I had not really looked into stories of success. I was just basically hearing more and more. Um, you know, bad stories or stories where people didn’t get the outcome that they wanted.

So listening to those stories was really helpful and super instrumental in helping me get the confidence and the courage to reach out to you. Actually, no, to get your book. So your book was the next, the next part of our journey. And it was, I had the audio book. I loved it. And I just basically walked for hours, listened to it in a day.

And again, had a really strong sense that. This was the direction I needed to move into because the other things were being taken care of, I was doing them, and I wasn’t spending enough time and energy on the mindset piece. It always intrigues me when women share what caused them to look at this, because it’s the piece that so often goes missed.

And it’s easy to, I mean, just kind of the way that we’re basically trained, the problem is outside of me. If I, you know, I can out medicate it, I can out exercise it, I can out diet it, I can do all those things. But I think it takes a real. Sense of awareness and something special about someone to be able to, to take that information and do something with it.

And this is why, like, I always trust. I mean, it’s like you said that you felt like you could trust me. Well, but this is also why I trust my ladies when they come because the number of hoops you have to jump through in your own mind. To seek out this kind of help is already. It says so much about you.

What do you think about that? I think you’re right. I think you’re right because it does take again a lot of courage to actually go into a direction. That’s maybe not the accepted model. It’s definitely not discussed in the traditional. World of fertility treatment, and you do have to kind of take a risk that you’re going to be different, you know, that you might have a different story than, let’s say, your best friend or or your family members, even right.

So, yeah, I think it takes a lot of courage and a lot of maybe that that intuitive kind of knowing that you may not know what it means yet, but, you know, you have to move forward. That’s what I felt. That’s what I felt. Yeah. Yeah. Well, so why don’t you share a little bit about like, what were some of the, the things that you were noticing about yourself starting to do the work and you know, how did that impact your journey?

Yeah. So I think the biggest, so I, I decided to join your program, that eight week program and the biggest. The storyline that I found was really common in all the work that I was doing was the lack and scarcity and that I was really pitting things against one another in my life. So I could be happily married, but maybe I wouldn’t have that baby.

I could be successful in business, but I couldn’t be a really great mom or vice versa. Right. So I really was always kind of having to, for some reason, pick one. Or another and I had a hard time accepting that I could potentially just have both or have them all. Imagine that it’s kind of what are you making it mean to have it all like that’s an such an interesting way that you say that like what scared you about having it all.

I think it was a couple of things. So the scariness of not knowing what that is. So not knowing what all of it really is and how would I even manage it all? It sounds silly, but it’s, it’s like staying comfortable with struggling on some level with something. There’s comfort in knowing the struggle. And when you’re in that success place.

How would I manage that? So that was, that was like Isn’t that interesting though? I mean because that’s a legitimate question. And I think you’re, I think you’re hitting the nail right on the head that some of us we get addicted to struggle. We get really committed to struggle because we, we think that well I have to struggle in order to be worthy of having X, Y, and Z.

Uh huh, uh huh. Absolutely. And I realized as well like the women in my family They were mothers. They all had their, their families. Again, my grandma was the, the matriarch and the example, but everyone else had kids too. But there was a lot of stress that I witnessed growing up both in my home and just again, my extended family where the women seem to be taking on a lot of the stressful points of being a parent, being a mom.

And I think that was also kind of in the back of my mind in terms of lack and scarcity, you know, how was I going to be able to manage this without becoming. What I had witnessed, which was, again, a lot of stressful situations or stressful emotions associated with being a mom. Joy and happiness. Yes, but also a lot of stress.

Um, and yeah, and the answer was I had to design it. I just didn’t know that at the time, right? So designing it and then actually looking for examples beyond my family was a part of my homework to just be able to kind of move through that, that fear. Wow. Wow. So, I mean, that’s a massive awareness to see the pattern because we don’t know we’re in a paradigm.

We don’t know we’re in a matrix until we wake up and see that we’re in this matrix, right? Yeah. So I remember pushing you to challenge those things. Yes. So what was that like? It was difficult.

We don’t play games, girl. We don’t play games. No. And I remember some of your homework assignments. You know, where I really struggled and, and it was not because I couldn’t, you know, write you an email with my answer, but it was the actual commitment to, you know, thinking outside of what I had known to be the norm, you know, and looking beyond again, those limits, right?

So yeah, I really became super aware of my lack and scarcity storyline being really prominent behind some of my actions or inactions. My choices and again, sometimes choosing to stay where I was, as opposed to leaping forward. Wow. And isn’t that interesting? Because I think it’s also important to point out that lack and scarcity comes in many forms.

See, when people hear that, they think it’s just money, but it’s actually time. It’s love. It’s opportunity. It’s all kinds of stuff. So at this point. When you’re going through the program, what were you doing as far as your fertility was concerned? Kind of parallel to that. Yeah. Well, one thing I was doing this finally, just accepting that I was on this journey and that I didn’t have to, you know, make it happen every single month.

So that was a big relief. I was feeling so much more aligned just with my body. I was trusting my body, you know, one of the, Outcomes of one of our coaching calls is just you, you telling me like, you know, recognize you are fertile, you’re having your period, it is regular, you are ovulating. And again, I had not really taken the time to admit that or acknowledge that I was so stuck on, you know, why am I not pregnant?

So I started to shift outside of that and start seeing signs of fertility, really healthy, positive signs. And then I was also becoming more open to other treatments. So IVF became something that I was actually now becoming more open to. Again, I had stuck in a little box that, you know, I wanted to get pregnant naturally and I had to kind of close that IVF door.

And so through your coaching program, I was able to open up to the idea that, you know, this could potentially be something I could do. And again, it’s, I don’t have to be afraid. I just need to go for it to see how it goes. Yeah. Yeah. And did you, did you check that out? I did. I did. So at the very end of our program, I was Heading into that IVF cycle, I think it was two weeks after the program ended, so mid April, and I was a couple weeks away from my birthday, which was a trigger again, as usual, you know, every April at the end of the month, I get that trigger point.

But again, I was pretty excited that I was at least taking the steps. To move into a different space with my fertility journey, and then I would give myself a chance and I did, you know, I still didn’t feel great about the IDF in general, in terms of all the steps. They felt to me very mechanical and just not what I had envisioned.

And again, it’s, it’s not because that can’t be a success for some people. I just didn’t feel that deep alignment, but I also didn’t want to close the door. And I did say like, if I, you know, if I didn’t do this now, would I regret this later? And I would. So I went into it mid April and again, secretly. At the back of my mind, I was also like, well, I could technically still do this at 44.

It’ll be a couple of weeks before my 45th birthday. So technically I might still do this. So again, but at that time I was less invested in that. So I went into the IVF cycle. We did the egg retrieval. We got two eggs retrieved and both fertilized. But they didn’t survive, so it was like a day five or day six, they stopped growing and the clinic called me and said, you know, we’re going to cancel that transfer, there is no transfer and you know, if you want to do this, you have to try again.

And the doctor, who I wasn’t super connected to, and again, because of COVID, had, we’d only had phone consults until the day of my egg retrieval and I just didn’t feel great about that being our first meeting. Um, Right. And he had said to me, you know, at your age, I wouldn’t advise that you try IVF again. I would suggest you try donor eggs.

That would be the next. And, and I said, you know, what are the chances? It’s like super low, like less than 5 percent that you could be successful with your own eggs. But if you did donor eggs, you could raise that up to about 50%. And he said, you know, sometimes. You know, your egg and his sperm, maybe they just don’t go together.

That was his, that was his rationale for why the IVF didn’t, didn’t work, which I actually rejected right away. I didn’t, I didn’t love that. He said that. And, you know, internally just thought that’s, that’s not true. That’s definitely not. My story. Wow. Wow. So what did you do after that? So after that, so I was sad about the IVF not working and the, you know, the process, the transfer being cancelled, but at the same time, I also felt a little bit of relief.

That I wasn’t going to be going forward with that whole process and after that interaction with the doctor, I definitely knew I wasn’t going to go forward with that clinic, right? So in retrospect, I was kind of happy that I didn’t actually have to continue on with that doctor and I actually took Uh, time to think about it.

I was sad, but also just kind of hopeful that, you know, I was at least at this stage of my life still willing to go for it and still wanting to go for it and that I hadn’t just given up that I was just, you know, I was proud of myself for going for it basically. And so at this point, you’re 44 at this point.

I just turned 45 45. Okay. So I spent that whole year 44, no pregnancy, even to the very end. I was two weeks before hoping, but it didn’t happen. So one thing that happened with turning 45 was I just kind of, I realized, okay, well, that my grandma’s story is apparently not my story. That is some wisdom there.

Yeah. And my biggest fear had come true, which was not being pregnant or having a baby by 44. So at this point I was almost like in some ways more free. To just now kind of regroup and think about what I truly wanted to do. And that was probably again, not the intention initially, but the side benefit of just not having the pressure kind of just released me from that pressure, which was wonderful.

Think about what you just said, 45 and totally released of the pressure. Crazy. Yeah. And recognizing that, okay, this, if I have to go another route, like, maybe it wasn’t that clinic. If I have to go another route, I know I can do it. I know that I can move in different directions here and not feel uncomfortable.

That I didn’t go for it. I was really intentional about I’m not giving up until I feel that, you know, this isn’t right for me. I’m going to keep going right. And then what I did also realize was IVF was pretty stressful. It was a very busy time, you know, in terms of my practice. And then trying to do all the appointments and injections, like it just was a really stressful time.

My stress was building in terms of, again, that 45th birthday and just all the pressure. So I told, I remember telling my husband, you know, I just need to take a little bit of a break from all the pressurizing aspects of this journey. And I need to start just doing the things that I would normally go about doing in my life if I wasn’t trying to get pregnant like every month and living in these two week intervals.

And he was totally agreeing with that, like he had told me for some time then, like by then, that, you know, I should do more things, I should be more, go out more, or do more of the things I used to do. And I was, I was doing what a lot of people do, which is you’re just kind of afraid to do some of the things for fear of Again, disrupting any potential pregnancy.

So exercise, I salsa dance, even dancing, I had put off for a very long time because you know, twisting motion could potentially cause issues with implantation. I know it was, it sounds, I can laugh at it now, but at the time I’m so intensely devoted to doing everything I possibly could that I was willing to not have fun and not live and just.

You know, wait to, to, to be on a stick and hope for the best, right? So that was the best realization. I think after IVF was that I was relieved and that I needed a break. I needed to actually just do some things and that we’re heading into the summer months at this time. And again, in terms of timing, COVID restrictions are now lifting, things are opening up again, and we’re doing things that are more normal again anyways.

So I decided to take the summer off. I decided to take the summer to just. live, dance, do some traveling and still, you know, maintain my eating habits and my supplement protocols and all those things. So I wasn’t saying no to trying, but I wasn’t being heavily, uh, pressurizing to both myself and my husband.

I was going to just let it flow for a little while. I love, I mean, like, you know, Carolyn, you’re blowing me away. I mean, you always have, but it, it blows me away at the change that had to occur. Within you to be 45 and have the presence of mind to say, I’m not gonna be under this pressure. I’m taking the summer off.

Most women are like at 45. You got an army of folks waiting outside your front door 24 hours a day to help call this in. I mean, I would love it if you would share, like, what was that in you? Because you, you know that the, the fear was knocking. Like, the fear was absolutely knocking. What do you think that was?

I think it was a few things. So, one was just the exhaustion. It, you know, my, my body was literally just exhausted from the whole Experience of, again, IVF in particular, but just like everything to do with tracking your cycle and timing and just, you know, intercourse and, and just the whole thing was so exhausting that my body was just like, can we please just have a break, please.

So I heard that loud and clear. With the IVF, I think again, because I had faced that fear of 44 being over, I didn’t have the same level of fear anymore. It wasn’t this running, you know, motivation, it was actually just Now, a fact, I was no longer 44, I’m 45, I’m still on the journey and, you know, I’m willing to keep going.

So I think having that, that sense of, I didn’t give up at the end of 44, that I didn’t just pack my bags and say, I’m, I’m finished. Hell no. Yeah. Like, I think that really helped me stay in a more trusting space. And then I, you know, it’s funny because I consulted with more people at that time. Just to make sure that I hadn’t missed anything and I kept getting the same guidance from everyone and I went to several people like three or four different practitioners.

They all kind of said essentially the same thing. You need to get more rest, you need to sleep more, you need to exercise, you need to make sure you’re eating regularly because sometimes I’d get really busy and I’d skip a meal and not, not skip it entirely, but just delay the meal. You know, you need to just do the basics.

And it was pretty interesting to me as again. A practitioner who says this all the time that I was again looking for some really extreme answers to my, you know, my issues, but they were the most basic things that work communicated to me over and over and over again, which made me listen, because if I had heard it from only one person, I think I would have brushed it off.

Right. Hearing it from three or four different people who didn’t know each other and who were assessing me and saying, this is what you need to do. I took it to heart and I really did say like, okay, this summer going to bed early, I’m going to join friends to do more things. I’m going to go for my long hikes that I had again, stopped doing and I’m going to go dancing.

So if there’s a dance event, I’m going to go, it’s going to be beautiful and I’m not going to worry about. Like my uterus somehow twisting and not being able to implant a baby. I’m just going to have fun. Summer helps though. The summer season helps. You can’t do that so much in the winter in Canada. But what you’re saying is something, I mean, nobody believes me when I talk about the power of vitamin J, that’s cute.

Roseanne, you know, like it’s easy for you to say that, but so many women talk about this. And this is why, you know, you hear me yelling all the time about like, show this baby who you are. This baby is, is needs to know who her mama is, right? You go dance, you go enjoy yourself. You go do those things. The more you, you become the easier it is for this baby to find you.

A hundred percent. A hundred percent. And I think, again, I had not done that very well. I had lost myself. In that fertility journey. And I, I lost the things that would keep me feeling well and supported and whole and relaxed. I just basically lost them. So I agree with you that if you can just be who you are, live authentically, you know, that baby’s going to know what kind of life they’re going to be joining.

And they might be pretty excited by that. Right? Well, so, so share a little with us about, I mean, what happened at the end of the summer. So this, so that, that was my timeline. So my timeline to my husband, the conversation was, went something like this. Let’s relax for the summer. But by the end of the summer, if nothing has happened, then, you know, let’s explore some options.

Do we go back to IDF? Do we pick it up a notch in terms of like, The, the, all the cycle tracking and all those things, which he wasn’t thrilled about, or do we even go in other directions? Right? Like I was like, I’m willing to, to look at other things, but let’s, let’s see, you know, let’s, let’s have this conversation at the end of the summer.

And so what happened through the summer, we, we had lots of fun traveling became an option again. And I did something I never really do. I took three weeks off in the summer. Yep. So that was really instrumental again, new, it was like new behavior. It was me doing things differently this summer, recognizing I needed a break and that included with my job.

So two weeks were spent at a cottage, just relaxing and just enjoying nature. And at the end of that week, we had a family wedding. So I remember just being happy to shop for a dress and shoes and just. Again, just kind of those basic elements of vitamin J that I had not done for years. And I happen to be ovulating in and around that time, but no pressure.

I was just excited to be at a wedding and it was a joyous occasion. Uh, and then the following week, uh, or two weeks later, we went away for a week to Mexico. And this was the first time I’d been in the ocean since 2020. So. It was a huge thing for me to be back by the ocean. I, I personally just feel better somehow in the ocean.

I think everyone does. I mean, just you talking about is like, Yes. And I, I call it vitamin C, like for real, like S E A because it’s like a vitamin. I soak up the water and it just, I feel like a new person when I, I just at the ocean and I come out, I’m just new. So I was super excited by that. And that was very last minute.

Again, not my personality to just last minute, cancel my appointments and go to Mexico. But that’s what we did. And I remember when we were planning that last minute trip, I said to my husband, you know, I might get my period. I’m like supposed to get it somewhere like Wednesday, Tuesday, Wednesday. Again, it wasn’t even a hundred percent clear because I wasn’t super invested in my tracking all the tracking that I’ve been doing.

So I said to him, you know, I’m not going to enjoy the fact that at that week, I might be on my period. But let’s go anyways, because it was the only time we could, we could go. And I’m just gonna, I told him, I’m just gonna be in the water as much as possible. I’m just gonna soak up every day I can, you know, before I get that period, because I just want to enjoy myself.

And he was like, okay, that’s great. Let’s do it. So we, we went to Mexico and I did just that every single day I was in the ocean as much as I could be. And I just was so grateful. I was just so happy to be in the heat in the ocean. And the, the, just everything was beautiful. The resort, the food, everything was gorgeous.

And I just was so happy to be there. And my body. You know, everything was aligned. My mind, my body, we were just grateful, happy, the sun. And every day just felt like a gift because I was just so excited that I didn’t get my period. And so by about Friday of that week, my husband said, Hey, have you gotten period yet?

And I was like, no, but don’t, don’t mention it. Cause I’m just sucking it in. I’m just going to, I’m just going to enjoy the ocean. You know, I’m just going to let it be. And I, I wasn’t thinking really about pregnancy. I was just grateful that. You know, I was maybe going to get it a couple days late and that I would, you know, have this week away.

And so by the end of that trip, a couple days later, I was now starting to wonder a little bit more because I had expected it. And we were getting closer to leaving. So again, it was like starting to think about returning home and all the things that would come with that. And I got a little bit excited, but I didn’t want to get too excited.

And I just wanted to stay grateful. And so that was kind of my intention with that trip was just, you know, no matter what, I’m just gonna be super grateful. We had this time together as a family, my stepson was with us and we just had such a great time. And everything was just so wonderful that week and my body just felt wonderful.

Everything was just super aligned. And then I wasn’t going to ruin it with. this, you know, nervousness of like, am I pregnant? Am I not? I just was going to enjoy it and be grateful. That was my intention. And then you sent me a text message. Yes. So then we got home and once we got home, I definitely was like, okay, now I’m like several days late now I should take a test.

And so we took the test and it was positive. And it was just like such a. Sweet surprise, I’m going to call it, because it was not something I had planned, you know, overly, um, intensely. It was a possibility, but it wasn’t something I had focused on. Those two weeks that I would normally panic and, and really obsess about a positive pregnancy test, I did not at all.

And it was just the sweetest surprise to see the positive test. Yes. You know, Carolyn, when, when I remember when you sent me that text message and I had looked at all of the text and I’m like, it didn’t surprise me that you did it. I think what was interesting is I kept thinking to myself, now she knows.

Now she really knows and I, I remember thinking to myself, I hope she never forgets because now she knows that she can have the things that she wants and you don’t have to suffer to get them. Yes. Like, it’s just insane what became possible for you because here you are absolutely enjoying yourself. You felt like, you know, I’m going to go soak up the ocean, vitamin C, S E A and like being and dancing again and all of these things that you knew that you loved.

You go from, you know, back to back miscarriages, IVF not working for you being told you have a 5 percent or less chance, and you have the audacity to take the summer off, honor your body, listen to your heart, and come back from Mexico to find out you’re pregnant, naturally at 45. Yes. It was amazing. It was amazing.

I mean, and how far along are you now? So now I’m 36 weeks. So we’re getting close to the end of this particular part of the journey. Yep. Pretty exciting. 36 weeks pregnant. And you’ll be 46 when? So on the due date, the due date is actually my 46th birthday. You couldn’t have planned that more perfectly. I mean, the, the irony, you know, like, I mean, you, you think about, think about letting go of your grandma’s story and instead living your own two years later.

Absolutely. Yeah. And it’s, it’s interesting because I purposely I didn’t look up the due date because I had had such that that big trauma before with the due date and that trigger point. I made a point. I’m not looking up any dates. I’m going to take this one day at a time. I’m going to just, again, be grateful and enjoy this pregnancy however long it lasts.

Like, I just really wanted to stay super present. And so, when the doctor said, Oh, your due date is on the 30th, I was shocked. Like, my, my whole face, everything was shocked because I, like you said, I could not have planned that. I could not have even dreamt of that. I mean, you’re living proof of, you know, I’m, I’m sure you remember me shouting about the thing that’s coming for you is 10, 000 times better than you could ever imagine.

I mean, Carolyn, like, look, look at the change you made from where you began knowing that that’s something you started 2022 knowing that something had to be different. That being you. And then a year later, you find yourself. Four weeks from giving birth. I mean, look at how quickly that change happened in a year.

It’s amazing. It’s amazing. So what would you want to say to the women listening that might be living their own limiting story, living their own matrix and paradigm that, oh, well, I can’t do this because I’m 45, you know, how dare I, you know, want it all? Like, what would you want them to know? I want them to know that sometimes we’re doing the right things, but that’s how we’re doing them.

That is going to be really impactful. And again, if I reflect, I was doing so many things out of fear and I was just running with the fear of like, I’m not going to make it. I need to hurry up. Like, you know, fear was such a driving force. And so sometimes, you know, you can do the exact same things, take the same supplements, do the same diet protocol, but the, the mindset shift is so impactful, like if you’re doing things with love and self care and compassion, and again, that freedom, like letting yourself be free to do these things and not feel the fear, I think that’s the biggest thing that I would, I would, I would want everyone to know, you know, it’s like not what you do, it’s how you do it.

Oh, a hundred percent. I mean, a hundred percent. This is, I mean, we see this anecdotally in so many different circumstances. We see this in cancer patients. We see this in, you know, you can, two people can be given the same exact treatment, but go completely different directions. And you were more fertile, older, technically than before, naturally.

I mean, did you ever like in your mind’s eye, even imagine that you could conceive and carry to term? At almost 46, I would not have imagined that because again, in my mind, 44, that was the cutoff date. So no, I would have, I would have expected that to not be possible for me or anyone really like I, I would have kept that limit at 44 because that’s what I witnessed.

You know, I love this for you. I, I def, I definitely hope that you drive by that clinic that told you you had a less than 5 percent chance. Just drive by with your, your baby in the back and just do this. I will do that. Yeah. Yeah. Just do that. I mean, I know I did it. I did the same thing. I’m like, Oh, no help for me.

Not a different plan. I mean, I’m just so happy for you, Carolyn. And what you’re doing is just so generous to share your story with others because, you know, the people around us, you know, they’re doing the best with what they know. Okay. There’s no like, it’s wonderful to have this constellation of different resources coming in to support.

But in the end, Following your heart clearly paid off, listening to your heart, trusting your body, trusting yourself and trusting that relief because you were still open to the possibility of going to IVF, but there was something in your soul telling you that your eggs had not given up. You are not stopping and that you could still do this.

You’re right, I think, I think, uh, if I had gone, let’s say to another clinic and tried more IVF, I don’t know that it would have been. a better experience. Maybe there would have been better medical professionals, but you know, from the perspective of alignment, I don’t think I would have felt that there. It just felt truly aligned with who I am to just be again on a trip, you know, accidentally kind of finding this out.

It’s just kind of who I am. I I’m not someone who likes to have everything. I don’t want to push through everything. I want things to flow. And so it was just really perfect. I think my baby, again, Prove that to me as well. Like, I think she was like, yeah, I’m willing to stay here. I think we can, I think I can make this work.

Oh man, Carolyn. I mean, I just love this. You did this on your terms. You did this in a way that was aligned with you. You stopped living in fear. You, you made that mindset shift to do something, the virtually impossible of giving yourself this break, like we talked about. So wow. I am so happy for you, woman.

I just. The two of us having this conversation is just such a blessing and thank you for sharing so much with the women listening because I think you’re going to inspire so many women out there who may be thinking about, you know, throwing in the towel at their ancient age of 45 when you’re living proof that you get an alignment, anything is possible.

Absolutely. And I want to Roseanne, your program was such. A big shift for me and it really made my journey go in a very different direction. So thank you so much for all of your guidance and for anyone who’s listening that. You know, has never thought that it’s possible for her. Like just know it is possible and listen to the podcast because you’ll get those stories over and over and over again.

And it really starts to help that, that imagination start to kind of move in the direction that it is possible. And I think we all need that. So thank you. Thank you for providing that for us. Oh, you’re so welcome. And there, it is such a pleasure for me to have you move from listener to guest. Thank you so much, Carolyn.

Thank you, Roseanne. Thank you so much. Oh, M G. My loves. Didn’t you just absolutely love Carolyn? I mean, and I gotta tell you, since I saw the pics, her daughter is as beautiful as she is. And I’m going to tell you straight up. This is why my ladies are why I come leaping out of bed every morning because this is what is possible for you.

This is what happens when a woman lives her journey with integrity, does what she says she’s going to do, stops telling white lies about what she can’t do or won’t do, making excuses for why she can’t, but she steps into her power and says, you know what, I am doing this. I am not leaving any of my bases uncovered.

I am approaching this journey, mind and body, to give myself the best possible chances because you know what? I’m not living my life with regret. And now today, Carolyn, just within 12 months of doing this work, is holding her baby girl. This is possible for you too. And if you want to learn what I taught, Carolyn, my fearlessly fertile method program is for women who intend to get pregnant in the next 12 months, just like Carolyn and say, hell yes, to covering their bases, mind and body.

So you don’t have to look back on this time in your life with regret. I work with women who are committed to success. They’re more committed to their success than they are their fucking excuses. Just like Carolyn to apply for your interview for this program. Go to my website, www.FromMaybeToBaby.com and apply for an interview there.

My methodology is help women around the world make their mom dreams come true. Their results speak for themselves. We got the receipts, baby receipts. And if you don’t have a mindset for success in this journey, baby, you got a gaping hole in your strategy. Let’s fix that shit and set you up for success.

Just like we helped Carolyn till next time change your mindset change your results Love this episode of the fearlessly fertile podcast subscribe now and leave an awesome review Remember the desire in your heart to be a mom is there because it was meant for you when it comes to your dreams Keep saying hell.

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