Episode 570: Next Up, WW3

Idiots On Parade, the Too Ugly for TV Podcast

This week, Anthony Eugenio joins the idiots to mock all that’s in the news.

00:00 Welcome!

01:06 Iran Gets Frisky

11:33 Christians vs. The Eclipse

17:13 Justice by Crime and Country

25:15 Catholics Double Down

30:17 Obesity in America

The breakdown:

—Hamas attacks Israel. Israel whomps the unholy hell out of the Gaza Strip. Iran thinks that’s no bueno, arms Hezbollah. Israel says, “Oh, F-you,” and bombs the Iranian Embassy in Syria, killing one of Iran’s biggest douchebags, Brigadier General Mohammad Reza Zahedi, and other Islamic Revolutionary Guard Corps (IRGC) commanders… and now, Iran has launched a drone attack on Israel. What’s next? I suppose that’s what we’re about to find out…

—I wish, I wish, I wish I could find a legitimate source for this next story. According to Reddit—noted home of QAnon and various other wonderful conspiracies—a Christian woman who believed the eclipse was a sign the rapture was upon us, went to a restaurant and tipped generously. And not “50%” generously, several hundred dollars on a $40 bill generous. Aaaaaand, when the rapture didn’t happen, again, she went returned and demanded her money back. Because of course she did.

—Italy: come for the pasta, stay for the murder. Amanda Knox was in the news again, so nathan did a little digging… Did you know that Rudy Guede, the man who actually murdered Meredith Kercher, only got a 30-year prison sentence? Even better, he was released early, to finish his sentence doing community service. Seems they’re kinda light on crime there.

Meanwhile, over in Vietnam, Truong My Lan was sentenced to death for a white collar crime. Man, God bless Vietnam! Imagine if the U.S.A. had put to death all the douchenozzles behind the economic collapse in 2008?

(Or, for that matter, any economic collapse.)

—Oh, Catholicism… your numbers are shrinking, and every time people are asked why they’ve left the church, they say, “It’s 2024. People are gay. Get over it.” So, what did the church just do? Double down on their anti-LGBTQ rhetoric.

But wait, there’s more!

They’ve added surrogacy to the list! Yes, if there’s one thing women love, it’s being told what they can and cannot do with their bodies.

—TikTok: it’s where stupid people go to “learn.” Well, anti-diet influencers started telling people to listen to their gut when it came to diet. Eat right and exercise? That’s for losers. Your body will tell you what you’re supposed to eat, and if it’s telling you candy bars and donuts? More power to ya!
Oh, and by the way, the food industry is backing these influencers, and you’re gonna gain weight and get fat if you listen to them.

Who could have seen this coming? Anyone with an IQ above that of your average potato(e).

Idiots on Parade: we mock the news, so you don’t have to.

Tune in and get your giggle on.

Find Jake at @jakevevera

Find nathan at nathantimmel.com