Love, Lust and Laughter - 06.08.21

Love, Lust, and Laughter

Touch and Talk: The Key to Intimate Sexual Communication

It’s true … many feel that sex is a lot like pizza: No matter how bad it may be, it is still pretty good. However, those who have endured a lackluster sex life know that lack of passion can kill a relationship. Silence is the true enemy of sexual pleasure. Sexual communication is the key. Intimate Talk – Before, During, and After Sex is the theme of Dr. Ava Cadell’s (www.avacadell.com) next Sexpert Panel on June 23, 2021. Dr. Ava is the founder of Loveology University, which offers certified love coaching and relationship programs empowering people all over the world. Keep communicating!

All couples experience times when sex isn’t great and intimacy is lacking. Dr. Ava and Dr. Diana note that the next time you feel disconnected from your partner, speak to him or her. Just the act of talking will start to reconnect you. For many men, actions speak louder than words. He may express his “love language” as acts of service. The undertone of those actions is “I care about you and I want to take care of you.” His brain may be more left-side – get to the point; hers may be more right-side – tell a story.

Ask for what you want! Women often find it easier to listen rather than state their needs in the bedroom. It can help to make a game out of sexual requests, or to take turns with your partner in revealing your sexual wish list. Also, touch and talk at the same time. Show, don’t tell. If you want more foreplay, murmur where he should stroke, lick, or suck your body. Similarly, if a woman wants to try a new sexual position, she should redirect the action by moving her body into position. He’ll be thrilled that you are taking the lead, and happy to comply with such sexy demands.

Keep it playful and fun! One study showed that men most want enthusiasm in their female partner, and appreciate a lover who will initiate. We all have the potential to be free of sexual inhibitions, to satisfy ourselves and our partners, and to reach the pinnacles of sexual joy. The secret to realizing it is something we do every day of our lives: the secret is to talk.

Another resource: There is a very instructive section entitled “Talking About Sex” in Chapter 1 of Dr. Diana’s book Love in the Time of Corona: Advice from a Sex Therapist for Couples in Quarantine.