Beste Legal Advice podcaster (2024)

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Episode 352 - Chronovoyage? No Thanks 37:49

5d ago37:49

37:49

Chronovoyaging, also known in some circles as "time travel" is not all it's cracked up to be. It's mostly because of the smell. There are other reasons, but honestly, the smell is enough.Av Free Legal Advice

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Episode 351 - Moths: Annoying Pests or Deadly Tool of Sabotage? 43:44

12d ago43:44

43:44

With the Nazis occupying your hometown, you probably feel powerless in the face of their brutal repression. However, you might be surprised to learn just how much can be accomplished with what you have lying around the house. Seriously, you're going to be extremely surprised.Av Free Legal Advice

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Episode 350 - Bringing Parliamentary Debate to the World of Sports 35:06

19d ago35:06

35:06

We're doing something brand new this week: One by one, we're going to go through all of the biggest sports topics of the day, and we're going to argue about them. This is a completely unprecedented format, so it will not in any way resemble anything you've ever seen before. It doesn't seem like a very good idea, though, so I doubt it'll catch on el…

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Episode 349 - Stuntmen Can Write and Direct Movies, Right? 38:06

26d ago38:06

38:06

I say let 'em. They've broken enough bones and sustained enough concussions to have more life experience than the rest of us put together. Who better to write a movie than stuntmen? And as long as they're writing it, they might as well direct it. It's basically just yelling "Action!" into a megaphone, right? How hard could it be?…

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Episode 348 - Do Not Listen If You Hate Stupidly-Named Things 41:56

1M ago41:56

41:56

We've done lots of episodes where, either directly or indirectly, we make fun of stupid corporate bullshit. Never before, however, have we focused on what is probably the worst thing that corporate bullshit creates: Stupid, insufferable names for things. Well, we're testing the limits of the word "insufferable" this week, because this episode is al…

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Episode 347 - Just Put a Household Substance on Whatever Hurts 48:49

1M ago48:49

48:49

I wanted to call this episode "Climbing the Mortal Kombat Ladder of Grandmas", but even I thought that was too obscure for an episode title. ME. The guy who brought you such episode titles as "It's All in the Hat", "There's No Saws Like Chainsaws", and "It's a Bird, It's a Plane, It's The Prime Minister of Italy!" I have no idea what any of those e…

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Episode 346 - The Subtitle Says It All 40:30

2M ago40:30

40:30

Sure, titles are great. We all love titles, no one's arguing that point. But as wonderful as they obviously all are, I think it's pretty clear that subtitles are actually where it's at. Now, before you have me pulled apart by wild horses, let me explain myself. Titles give you the big picture, but SUBtitles cut right to the fucking bone. "The Fast …

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Episode 345 - FLAPfest Tech and Burrito Summit '24 39:05

2M ago39:05

39:05

It's time once again for the greatest FLAPers and aspiring FLAPees to gather at their yearly... gathering, The FLAPfest Tech and Burrito Summit. This isn't your father's convention, no sir. This convention, unlike all others, features INNOVATION. That's right, the business trump card itself. As long as we are innovating no one can touch us, which m…

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Episode 344 - Reddit, Damn Near Killed It! 40:43

2M ago40:43

40:43

This week we explain Reddit. It mostly involves porn and scams. But, to be fair, that's pretty much the entire internet, anyway.Av Free Legal Advice

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Episode 343 - The FLAPnight Show, Under New Management 44:47

2M ago44:47

44:47

Most late night talk shows have a new episode every single day. We've gone in a different direction. But we've got a great show for you tonight, folks! That's all that really matters.Av Free Legal Advice

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Episode 342 - The 68-Inch Biceps Were Worth It 50:09

2M ago50:09

50:09

Little Captain Travis, I've got some advice for you: Inject it into your veins. Inject what, you ask? Anything. Literally, anything, no matter what. Even if you don't know the possible side-effects. Even if you DO know the possible side effects. Just do it, because there's at least a tiny chance that if you do, you'll get fucking jacked.…

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Episode 341 - Adjectives Are Your Friends, Kids! 43:37

3M ago43:37

43:37

Today on the Free Legal Advice Podcast, we're taking a trip through the wonderful world of grammar! We'll be diagramming sentences, discussing proper usage, and taking a look at some HILARIOUS grammar fails! Actually, we'll be doing none of that. Instead, it's Drillbit Liberty IS: The Adjective Noun Verb-er! Only in theaters. And also this podcast …

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Episode 340 - That Really Hot Period in the Middle of the Year 35:03

3M ago35:03

35:03

It's summer time, and you know what that means: An examination of Summer Stuff from the FLAP Boys! Well, actually it's only ever meant that once, and it's right now. We did do an episode about summer during the winter once, but that, too, was a one-time occurrence. You can always count on the FLAP Boys to not be predictable.…

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Episode 339 - Even Small Children Can Ride Bikes, Guys 55:18

3M ago55:18

55:18

Riding a bike is not impressive. Anyone can do it. Oh, but you rode it faster than anyone else? Who cares? Children ride bikes every single day and no one gives them awards, and most of them do it without blood doping. These Tour de France losers are a bunch of wimps, and they dedicated their entire lives to something dumb. Anyway, we spend the ent…

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Episode 338 - Eat Your Plague-Weakened Heart Out, Nostradamus 42:35

3M ago42:35

42:35

IMPORTANT NOTE: We do make one prediction that seems a little, let's say, "out of sync" with the actual march of current events. This episode was recorded on July 20th, so something may have happened since then that might make something we mention sound weird. Anyway, we predict the shit out of things in this week's thrilling episode!…

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Episode 337 - Drillbit Liberty IS: The Noun Verb-er 43:38

4M ago43:38

43:38

*movie trailer voiceover narration* In a noun, where men not only verb, they verb with adjective, nouns are un-verb-able. Only one noun can verb them back to their adjective noun, prepositional phrase. That noun IS: The Noun Verb-er. INTERJECTION! Only in theaters.Av Free Legal Advice

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Episode 336 - A FLAP in the Hand Is Worth the Other Side of the Fence 36:45

4M ago36:45

36:45

This week we examine the utility of all those old sayings that old people were always saying. They were always saying those sayings, but in this episode we're saying some new sayings, and we think people should start saying those sayings that we were saying, instead of the other sayings.Av Free Legal Advice

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Episode 335 - In Which Our Meaningless Local History is Lionized 39:31

4M ago39:31

39:31

They can't all be winners, Little Captain Travis. At least, not with my level of talent. But either way, this week we break from our standard weekly offering of pointless silliness to deliver you nearly 40 minutes of even MORE pointless silliness. We've ratcheted up the pointlessness! If this isn't your cup of tea, though, never fear: Next week we'…

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Episode 334 - Tour de FLAP 49:29

4M ago49:29

49:29

Sometimes the episode titles write themselves, folks. In this episode, Matt will attempt to do for the Tour de France what I did for the Olympics. Which one of us did it better? Vote now! I don't have a link, or anything. Just go somewhere and vote on it somehow.Av Free Legal Advice

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Episode 333 - Mix-Up at the IP Factory 43:17

5M ago43:17

43:17

Through means which will be described herein, we have acquired the rights to several sizzling slabs of intellectual property. See just what we do with such slabs by listening to this 'sode! Is "'sode" a thing? Is that an acceptable abbreviation for "episode"? I feel like it shouldn't be.Av Free Legal Advice

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Episode 332 - Use This to Cram for Your History Midterm 41:35

5M ago41:35

41:35

We have successfully crammed the entirety of human history down into one single podcast episode. It wasn't that hard, actually. It turns out not much has really ever happened. However, should Matt do another one of these episodes, whatever we cover in that episode will be newly uncovered secrets of history. So (possibly) look forward to those secre…

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Episode 331 - Hosted by Bob Hope or Billy Crystal 33:42

5M ago33:42

33:42

We're coming up on a year's worth of episodes, if they came out daily, which they don't, so this sentence is completely pointless, actually. But regardless, after a year's worth of things, most organizations give out awards to themselves, so we figured now is as good of a time as any for us to follow suit. Welcome to the whatever-number-Cory-said-i…

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Episode 330 - You Actually CAN Call It a Comeback This Time 46:33

5M ago46:33

46:33

Celebrities rise and fall, but sometimes they rise again. In this case, at least three of them do. Also in this case, there are some jokes sprinkled throughout that reference an episode that we had already recorded, but has not yet been released. I left them in as a fun treat for the loyal Hoggies out there, because they make no sense now, but will…

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Episode 329 - With Apologies to Those Tooth-Poor Fog-Breathers 33:54

6M ago33:54

33:54

We don't REALLY hate those pasty, island-dwelling imperialists over there in the United Kingdom. Well, maybe Ben does, but regardless, this week we're going to be paying homage to one of Britain's most famous* game shows, Dubitably or Indubitably.*nonexistentAv Free Legal Advice

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Episode 328 - Unidentified FLAPping Objects 40:12

6M ago40:12

40:12

UFOs: Should we believe in them? No. Are stories about them credible? No. Do they exist? No. But what if that's just what they WANT us to think? What if the people (i.e., aliens) behind these things WANT us to think they don't exist? That would give them a free hand to enact their nefarious probe-related schemes. I think I just blew this thing wide…

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Episode 327 - FLAP Refresher 44:12

6M ago44:12

44:12

We've been presented with a quiz this week, and the subject IS FLAP ITSELF!! This might be for the best, since it could serve as an opportunity for the casual (i.e., disloyal and wicked) listener to understand some of the references we make. Or it would, had we bothered to explain half of them this time around. But it's fun nonetheless, I promise!…

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Episode 326 - 2 Minutes for Roughing, 3 Years for Tax Evasion 45:14

6M ago45:14

45:14

The Toronto Maple Leafs' owner went to the penalty box, a.k.a., federal prison, and yet THEY were on the "power play", so to speak, without him. Hear this story and other NHL-related wackiness today on the Free Legal Advice Podcast as the competence of the entire nation of Canada is called into question.…

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Episode 325 - Free Résumé Advice 46:19

6M ago46:19

46:19

Here's some advice for you: "Résumé" has the little accent mark on both of the 'e's. Not just one, but both of them. Not knowing this will get your résumé tossed on the "TO BE BURNED" pile, so be forewarned. Outside of that, just wing it. What could go wrong?Av Free Legal Advice

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Episode 324 - It's Everyone's Favorite Monu-Mountain! 33:26

7M ago33:26

33:26

Cory has stolen my idea. Now, to be fair, I did basically tell him to in the description of the most recent Mount Rushmore episode. I should use this to my advantage. TO CORY: From now on, you are to come up with all of my episode topics, in addition to your own. Don't worry, it won't be very difficult. You can just steal the ideas from me.…

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Episode 323 - The Army Corps of Sloganeers 39:34

7M ago39:34

39:34

We specialize in short, snappy, memorable phrases that ensure positive associations of your brand identity within the key demographic. That's why they call us Free Slogan Advice. Or was it Free Marketing Advice? Well, they sure as hell don't call us Free Naming Advice, so I think it's fine to punt on this one.…

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Episode 322 - Revenge of the Tournament of Nerds 57:24

7M ago57:24

57:24

Over 200 episodes ago, we stole the Tournament of Nerds idea. Did I say stole? I mean created ourselves. Sorry, sometimes I confuse those two phrases. Anyway, we're bringing it back this week. If four years seems like a short time to wait for a rehash like this, consider that I sometimes don't even wait four weeks to rehash my own topics, none of w…

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Episode 321 - Has This Ever Happened to You?! 51:48

7M ago51:48

51:48

We bring back an oooold favorite this week, with the classic six-pack-o-pitches episode format that fans of all ages loved and adored. They loved and adored it, dammit. They may, and do, say otherwise, but don't listen to them. What the hell do they know? They're the ones who've been clamoring for its revival, according to me, so why wouldn't they …

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Episode 320 - Scrofula Cured or Your Money Back! 49:10

8M ago49:10

49:10

As the title says, this podcast promises to cure your scrofula, or your money back. Ha! Joke's on you! You didn't pay us any money in the first place! At all! We make absolutely nothing whatsoever doing this! I repeat, the joke is on you!Av Free Legal Advice

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Episode 319 - One Last Ride up That Mountain 33:37

8M ago33:37

33:37

Ol' Grant's got another trick up his sleeve, whereby he disguises an old topic as a new topic, simply by putting a small spin on it. This particular gimmick, however, I think could actually be an entire podcast series by itself, so I'm sad that this will be the only time we do it. Unless one of my genius brothers steals this idea, puts a tiny twist…

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Episode 318 - Sun Tzu's The Art of the Deal 43:35

8M ago43:35

43:35

Anyone who doesn't treat business like war will just end up getting killed. Killed in business, I mean. Although, really, probably killed in real life, too, by the greedy, bloodthirsty psychopaths who view all human endeavor as an opportunity to dominate their fellow man. #RiseAndGrindYourFaceIntoDust…

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Episode 317 - This Magical Fantasy Cartoon Is 18+ Only 49:08

8M ago49:08

49:08

Ever heard of the movie Fire and Ice? Probably not. We have plenty of silly observations about it that should satisfy you anyway. And it's probably more entertaining than actually watching the movie, anyway.Av Free Legal Advice

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Episode 316 - André Is the 8th, but What Are the Other Seven? 37:54

9M ago37:54

37:54

Every school child at some point learns that André Giant is the 8th Wonder of the World. But it's rare that teachers ever go over the other seven. This makes sense, considering how old and worn out those other seven are. That's why this week, we're figuring out seven wonders for the modern age. Also, Chyna is the 9th.…

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Episode 315 - Still Not Cured? Try Hard Narcotics This Time! 39:35

9M ago39:35

39:35

In an effort to give equal time to all viewpoints, we're continuing our series on medical quackery. Sure, this stuff has all been proven false beyond all doubt, and practicing anything you hear in this episode could only even charitably be described as insane, but we're going to let you do your OWN research, listeners.…

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Episode 314 - Jumping Over a Shark and into Our Graves 31:06

9M ago31:06

31:06

You may not have known this about us, folks, but we're shark-jumpers. To a man. We've never met a shark we wouldn't jump. Now, to be fair, none of us have ever, even once, met a shark, so this has never actually come into play before. Actually, this is probably why you didn't know this about us. We're all learning things today, aren't we?…

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Episode 313 - Park Your Little Brats in Front of This for an Hour 39:41

9M ago39:41

39:41

Children's television plays an important role in our society. Without it, how would parents detach themselves from responsibility? It is largely to the clowns that the credit for this necessary institution is given. It is the one and only reason we haven't launched them all into the sun.Av Free Legal Advice

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Episode 312 - Face, Meet Mountain, Part Deux 41:35

9M ago41:35

41:35

It turns out there are countless more Mount Rushmores that we can create, and so we do. Why do they climb the mountain? Because it's there. Why do we dynamite the mountain? Because it's there. Also because of our surplus of high explosives.Av Free Legal Advice

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Episode 311 - Stick These Elements Up Your Butt to Cure What Ails You 47:27

10M ago47:27

47:27

Medical science hasn't always been, well, a science. For many centuries it was mostly just focused on finding different rocks to shove up people's buttholes, or figuring out new ways to expose witches. Nowadays we leave that stuff to the professionals at the chiropractic clinics.Av Free Legal Advice

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Episode 310 - Hasbro Presents the Cory Commercial Hour 41:33

10M ago41:33

41:33

We're making a cartoon based on Cory. It will be inspired by the Saturday morning cartoons he grew up with, which means it will NOT be a thinly-veiled 30-minute-long advertisement, it will just actually be a 30-minute-long advertisement. There was no veil, folks. The emperor had no clothes, because they were sold separately.…

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Episode 309 - Job Fair of the Future 47:38

10M ago47:38

47:38

Has YOUR job of the future been invented yet? Actually, statistically, of course it has. What a ridiculous question. Where was I even going with this? Oh yeah, this episode is about jobs of the future.Av Free Legal Advice

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Episode 308 - A FLAP By Any Other Name... 30:53

10M ago30:53

30:53

...would sound as sweet. Precisely AS sweet, so even if you don't think it sounds sweet to begin with, I'm not asserting that its sweetness level would change at all. Also, this episode is about naming things.Av Free Legal Advice

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Episode 307 - You Might Be a Goldneck... 41:11

11M ago41:11

41:11

Is "goldneck" a term for rich people, like how "redneck" is a term for the uncouth poor? Well, it is now. That's the joke I thought of for the title, and I'm not changing it. Anyway, in this episode, we identify all the key indicators of wealth. At least, from a child's perspective, that is.Av Free Legal Advice

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Episode 306 - Too Many Possible Genres to Count 39:43

11M ago39:43

39:43

We're burying this episode with a Christmas Day release because there's just too many possibilities and we weren't able to narrow it down at all. How could we? The subject, of course, is a TV show about Grant, and let me tell you, there are too many different choices, every single one of which would be pure gold.…

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Episode 305 - 60,000 Tons of Dynamite Can't Be Wrong 38:19

11M ago38:19

38:19

Let it be known throughout the land: If you have something that's precious to you, especially if you're a marginalized group of some sort, we will dynamite the living hell out of it until it resembles something that's precious to US. This is the natural order of things, and it will not be interfered with.…

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Episode 304 - Win a New Dinette Set By Spinning a Giant Wheel 50:00

11M ago50:00

50:00

We're taking one more spin through the failed wreckage of old television, this time focusing on game shows. All you need to know about game shows is that you team up a random nobody with a C-list celebrity, have them play a boring word game, mix in some corporate sponsorship, and you've got a hit on your hands. Or, much more likely, you've got 12 e…

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Episode 303 - The Ghostly Nuisance 35:38

12M ago35:38

35:38

We have many corrections, omissions, and other such errata to discuss today, but it all sort of revolves around a certain movie...Av Free Legal Advice

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