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Vampires dance with Goths around campfires far from the rainy Metroplex- as the Central Computer says in Cell U.R. "Most entertainment consists of beautiful people on sexy adventures without kids, because real life is the opposite." Imagine a near future, when nanotechnology allows doctors to install speakerphones on the inside of everyone's ears, a microphone in their throat, and scanners that record through the eyes. All citizens enjoy a permanent connection to the internet. One human cell ...
 
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In this Earth-shaking climax, Vampire Elvirus suggests Gnathal get an education with the song "Bong Hits for Jesus." He Who Never Forgets announces peace, while his haploid daughter Louise agrees to wed confirmed-bachelor and vampire-to-be, Gnathal. He separates himself from Christopheles Rex to become a family man with one big, 'happy ever-after' …
 
The Dragoons attack, Gand nathal finds himself the central vortex of a sea of amulets in the night. The doctors aren't sure it's a baby. The Alien Spaceship enters Earth's Time-space, and Vampire Elvirus reveals her true self with timeless tales of modern, politically connected vampires that re-examine the nature of sex and masculinity in a world w…
 
The Children of the Greatful Dead of Night flood the Metroplex with purple foam to hide the invasion of yellow school buses. A plague of Dragoons darkens the skies, and invading denizens of the DevaState occupy Metroplex property. Fearful Metroplexuals, unused to disconnects from the Central Server, flee into the DevaState. The perimeter of the Met…
 
They torture Gnathal with the song "Whiplash" to psychologically prepare him for Confession to the Warden in his Last Words, just before he serves his life sentence of Civil Death. Rescued by the over-heated Louise, he helps her father, a Super-user, initiate a top-secret terabyte transmission that gives the Metroplex a new Computroler. The State c…
 
After the followers of Christopheles kill the imposter, Gnathal becomes Public Enemy Number One, and the gangbanger Impudents threaten to kidnap Louise. During the song "Metroplex Anthem," Gnathal gets hit by a TASESOGSV weapon and captured. He finds himself incarcerated in the Pleasure Coma, where a computer virus infects him with the song "Cell U…
 
Dizzy in his transporter driving through a night rain, Gnathal ponders his future as either Christopheles Rex the Warlock Vampire, or married to the filthy rich, well-connected Louise as her doting husband. He wakes up confirmed that his destiny awaits as Christopheles, and begins life as the uber-vampire that glimpsed God's impenetrable plan, and …
 
Gnathal recognizes himself in one of Vampire Elvirus's dark Gothic animalist minimalist videos. She regains his sympathy with the song "Santa's Lapp Dance" and begins to ready him for his Vampire Awakening with tales of vampirism as a stage of life, a primal condition of the human experience, linked to Judaism, God and Angels, proto-humans, carnal …
 
Jilted Gnathal falls into despondence, indolence, and impotence which motivates him to join in the revelry in the Metroplex underbelly. He receives a gift of twinner Love Dolls and reconnects with Louise, so that her dad, the Super-user, can train Ganthal in the improper use of his Transponder on the eve of President Duroc's announcement of war.…
 
A wet dream of Vampire Elvirus in the coils of a serpent deep in a a cave in the Grand Tetons inspires Gnathal to return to Walloon Pond with beer and toilet paper to confront his inner self, and self-actualize. After he returns to his seedy job in the Pornopolis, his ex-girlfriend Louise flames him with an awakening ping of seething hatred. Much l…
 
Sheik Cano's men kidnap Gnathal and take him deep into the DevaState to sell to the Muck People, who banish him to work the mushrooms in Growhouse tunnels. President Duroc announces his Political Theory. During the mating song "Onda Beach," Gnathal escapes into the terrors of the DevaState.
 
In the drunk tank, Gnathal guards the lingerie-clad sleeping vampire all day. When Vampire Elvirus awakens a trifle before sunset, she uses the worst torture known to man to escape from jail. Later that week in boot camp, Gnathal, a DevaCop trainee, will sing along to the song "Border Line."
 
Gnathal recieves his piece of pink electronic paper that details how he loses his job, fired, and laid off, and then immediately hears the Prezident's podcast to the world as a member of the Revolutional Leaders, that the Metroplex will "Preepair faor Suicide Wah." Gnathal agrees on a date with busty Vampire Elvirus, to meet her in SpaceTime Square…
 
After Gnathal overloads on podcasts, he test-drives his new Personal Customizable Transporter and runs into Cyberspace call girl Vampire Elvirus. She hitches a ride and virtually propositions our virginal hero, but her two thugs have other, more permanent, ideas that might be harmful to others.
 
Replaying the nano-recorded memories of his kidnapping the day before, Gnathal discovers clues. Duncan attempts to prove his lost innocence with thirty-seconds of a cheesecake-in-extremis video he claims he shot during the act of telling Gnathal both Goths and residents of the Devastate exist as "holes in the great tapestry of humanity," easy to ro…
 
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