Have you ever wanted X-ray specs into human behaviour? Then this is the podcast for you. Listen to ‘brilliant, insightful and wise’ agony aunt and journalist Annalisa Barbieri, as she releases exclusive conversations between her and the trusted specialists she’s consulted over the years, who put a life time’s learning into each conversation. Every week you can learn more about yourself and the people around you. Series 6 launched autumn 2023. Series 7 due in the new year 2024. Make a one off ...
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A Problem In the Family (and navigating CAMHS) with psychotherapist John Cavanagh
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This is the last episode, episode six, in Series 8 and in it I talk to UKCP registered family and systemic psychotherapist and John Cavanagh who is also a registered mental health nurse. John specialises in child and adolescent mental health. Often children will manifest with a mental health problem that is indicative of what's going on in the fami…
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Family Estrangement with Psychotherapist Chris Mills
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Very early on in my career as The Guardian's Agony Aunt the letters started coming in about family estrangements - the "should I cut X out of my life" style questions. Back then, cutting a family member out was anathema to me but over the years, i came to understand why some people sought it out. The thing is, cutting someone out is rarely the end …
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Attachment with psychotherapist Dr Graham Music
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What is attachment and how does attachment theory different from the primary real-life attachment we learnt as babies? The two often get confused. In this episode I talk to child, adolescent and adult psychotherapist Dr Graham Music who has been described as "one of the most deep thinking child psychotherapists in the world." We talk about these di…
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Forensic Psychotherapy with clinical psychologist and psychoanalyst Dr Stephen Blumenthal
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Forensic psychotherapy is psychotherapy with people who have committed criminal offences. In this episode I talk with clinical psychologist and psychoanalyst Dr Stephen Blumenthal who is registered with the British Psychoanalytic Council and has over thirty years experience in treating people. Stephen started his professional life as a clinical psy…
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Self-sabotage with psychotherapist Ryan Bennett-Clarke
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Did you know that procrastination, risky behaviour, blaming others and even infidelity may be a sign of self-sabotage? There are a host of other symptoms, too. In this, episode 2 or Series 8, I discuss with psychotherapist Ryan Bennett-Clarke why we might self sabotage, what it tells us about ourselves and of course, what we can do about it. If you…
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Baby Loss with Professor Lucy Easthope
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Welcome to series 8 of Conversations with Annalisa Barbieri. This episode was Professor Lucy Easthope's idea as it’s something she really wanted to talk about and I’m honoured she has trusted me with this delicate subject. In this episode Lucy talks openly about her very personal five baby losses by miscarriage. Lucy is Professor of Practice of Ris…
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Birth Trauma with Kim Thomas, journalist and CEO of The Birth Trauma Association
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This is the final episode in Series 7. It's about birth trauma and I speak with journalist, author and CEO of The BTA, Kim Thomas. We talk about what birth trauma is, what can cause it (we do not go into graphic detail), how it can manifest and how to get help. We discuss the difference between Post Natal Depression and Post Traumatic Stress Disord…
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Envy with psychotherapist Ryan Bennett-Clarke
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Interviewing Ryan Bennett-Clarke for my Guardian column - about something else entirely - we got talking about envy. And what he had to say fair blew my mind. What is envy? How does it differ from jealously? Where does it come from and how does it manifest? If you've ever left a person feeling like little bits of you have been taken away, well envy…
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Unresolved Grief (adults bereaved in childhood) with psychotherapist Mandy Gosling
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Although unresolved grief can hit us at any stage in our lives, this episode specifically talks about childhood bereavement and the impact it can have on adulthood. My guest is UKCP and BACP registered psychotherapist and researcher Mandy Gosling who, as we shall hear, has personal experience of early bereavement. An early bereavement can lodge - i…
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Shame with clinical psychologist and psychoanalyst Dr Stephen Blumenthal
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Dr Stephen Blumenthal returns (catch him in Series 2 talking about Intimacy and Trust in Series 5) and this time we're talking about shame. What it is, how it differs to humiliation and embarrassment or even guilt. Shame can make people act differently - either because they are avoiding shame or trying to cover up the shame they already feel. Where…
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Why You Can Never Plan Too Much with Professor Lucy Easthope
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Professor Lucy Easthope is a UK expert and advisor on emergency planning and disaster recover. A world authority on recovery and disaster planning and its aftermath. She’s Professor of Practice of Risk and Hazard at the university of Durham and a professor in Mass Fatalities at the university of Bath. Lucy studied law at university and has a master…
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Where to Die (Home, Hospice, Care Home or Hospital) with Dr Kathryn Mannix
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Where to die? Not everyone gets that choice but you or a loved one might and that choice may be to go home from a hospice or hospital or care home, or go into one. In this sensitively handled but hugely informative episode, I talk again to Dr Kathryn Mannix, palliative care doctor and author of two excellent books: With the End in Mind and Listen. …
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What makes a 'real' relationship with psychotherapist Joanna Harrison
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Not what makes a relationship real vs fantasy or made up, but the nubbins of relationships, the reality. Many people seem unprepared for what a real relationship looks and feels like, and this might be because of how they are portrayed on TV and on social media where many times it's only the polar opposites which are show: either people talking abo…
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Managing the In-Laws with psychotherapist Hannah Sherbersky
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The in-laws, long the butt of jokes but in reality rich fodder for my Guardian mail bag. Of course, none of us think of ourselves as troublesome in-laws, but maybe we are? In this episode I talk to psychotherapist and CEO of the association for family therapy and systemic practise. Hannah has been a family and couples psychotherapist who has worked…
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Difficult Conversations Around Suicide with consultant psychiatrist in psychotherapy Dr Jo Stubley
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Talking about suicide is never easy, yet it's essential. In this difficult episode both Dr Stubley and I bring personal experiences to the conversation in the hope that it might facilitate your own conversations. Dr Jo Stubley is a consultant psychiatrist in psychotherapy and leads the adult section of the trauma service at the NHS Tavistock Centre…
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The Psychology of Money with psychotherapist Chris Mills
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Why do some people find it so hard to talk about money? And whilst it's not a romantic thing to bring up it's absolutely essential if you're thinking of buying a property with someone or moving in with someone. As Chris says if it's difficult to bring up at the beginning of the relationship it's a whole lot harder to bring up at the end when things…
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How to Help Siblings of Brothers and Sisters with Additional Needs with Linda Owen, Information Officer for the charity Sibs
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Sibs is a charity which supports children and adults who grow up with a brother or sister with additional needs or a long term health condition. And Linda Owen is the rather brilliant, compassionate and informed (aptly) Information Officer for Sibs. A lot of the advice Linda gives can also be applied in a family which doesn’t have a child with thes…
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Everyone's a Narcissist (apparently) with psychotherapist Mark Vahrmeyer
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Welcome to episode 1 of Series 6 A good few years ago, I started becoming aware of a term I'd hitherto not really heard much before, outside of my classics lessons: narcissism. Aside from all the s's making it hard to pronounce, I started to notice that it became a catch-all for anyone who was selfish, self centred or vain. Everyone, it seemed, was…
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Understanding Toddlers with child psychotherapist Rachel Melville-Thomas
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A lot of people struggle with the toddler stage. Where have their lovely, compliant babies gone? I think it's got worse the later we leave parenthood and the more used we are to living in a world where we're (maybe) used to people doing as we ask. Toddlers don't give a damn about all that, and thank goodness. But it's not because they are difficult…
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Planning a Good Funeral with progressive funeral director Louise Winter
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This is not a subject many of us discuss is it? Birth plans, maybe, weddings, definitely, but we will all die and we all need a send off, however small and modest. This episode isn't really about planning your own funeral, although it can be of course (but as we'll see, don't be too prescriptive) but it's more that this potentially distressing subj…
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The Mechanics of Birth with Lead Research Midwife Amy Sutton Cole
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The way labour and birth is depicted on film and TV has bugged me for some years and, I think, does little to make women feel empowered. This episode isn't about how or where to give birth - that's your choice - but we do talk about what happens in an uncomplicated vaginal birth. Amy is the Lead Research Midwife in the Department of Obstetrics and …
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A Question of Trust with psychoanalyst Dr Stephen Blumenthal
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This is our first listener requested episode. "Joanne" (not her real name) asked us if we could do an episode on trust, after her husband had an affair. Although Joanne asked some specific questions ("how do I get the trust back/is it good to talk about it"), Dr Blumenthal and I discuss this but also what trust is at its core, beyond romantic relat…
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Talking about Rape and Sexual Assault with SARSVL CEO Katie Russell
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This is a difficult subject, but an important one. I still get letters from people unsure whether they've been the survivor of sexual violence. My guest is Katie Russell, former media officer for Rape Crisis and now CEO of Support After Rape and Sexual Violence Leeds (SARSVL). Katie is a specialist in sexual violence and abuse against women and gir…
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What It Means To Belong with psychotherapist Mark Vahrmeyer
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What does it mean to belong? What does it feel like? And does it even matter? I started asking myself this a few years ago, possibly because, as a child of immigrants, I wasn't sure I ever felt like I truly, 100%, ever belonged in any one place. But, does anyone? My specialist, for this episode, Mark Vahrmeyer is a UKCP registered integrative psych…
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An Introduction to Sex with specialist in sexology Silva Neves
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Despite the plethora of information that's now available about sex, across so many mediums, it's still astonishing the misinformation that's spread on sex and the sexual organs. This is likely due to two factors: the adults in children's lives being too embarrassed or falsehoods spread around playgrounds and classrooms by children and young teens w…
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If you've even been near a baby, let alone had one, you've probably heard of baby-led weaning, the idea that babies don't need to have puree laden spoons shovelled into their mouths, but are perfectly capable of feeding themselves. Even choosing their own foods from a pre-prepared selection. Gasp. In this episode I talk to Gill Rapley, whom I first…
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Have You Made a Will? How To, Why To with lawyer Gary Rycroft
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You'd be surprised at the number of people who haven't made a Will. Some of them are the lawyers I speak to. I think this is in large part because no-one wants to think about dying even though - spoiler alert - we're all going to. But the sticking point for many parents is thinking of who to appoint as legal guardian. I've chosen the best, most acc…
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Understanding the Impact of Child Sexual Abuse with consultant psychiatrist in psychotherapy Dr Jo Stubley
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This is not an easy subject, but a necessary one, especially when you hear the statistics on child sexual abuse. Many children don't understand what's happening to them and often can't talk about it until they are way into adult hood and what they perceive to be a 'safe place'. The impact, as we see in this episode, can be life long and pernicious.…
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How to Motivate Your Child with psychotherapist Graham Music
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At some time or other we've probably all wanted, or needed, to motivate our children. But how? It's both harder and easier than you think and nagging doesn't really work in the long term. Tell you what else doesn't work, reward charts. In this episode I talk to child and adolescent psychotherapist and author, Graham Music who explains the differenc…
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Dealing with your inner critic with psychotherapist Julia Bueno
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Ever have a nagging voice in your head telling you you're not good enough or could have done something better? You may have an inner critic. In this episode I talk to psychotherapist Julia Bueno, author of Everyone's a Critic, How We Can Learn to Be Kind To Ourselves, published by Virago. We discuss where your inner/self critic may have come from, …
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What Relationships Tell Us About Ourselves with psychoanalytic psychotherapist Susannah Abse
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How we are in relationships can tell us not only an extraordinary amount about ourselves, but also how we were brought up. Family patterns can be repeated in every relationship we go onto have. Here I talk about to psychoanalytic psychotherapist Susannah Abse who has over thirty years experience in helping couples. Susannah was CEO of the charity, …
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Processing Grief with psychotherapist and co-founder of The Good Grief Project, Jane Harris
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Grief and death are terrifying words for many of us. Of all the emotions, I’ve found, we really try to body swerve grief. But the thing is, grief doesn't go away if you ignore it. You can't cheat grief, so in this episode we try to look it in the face and talk about why it's important to start processing it and how you might go about this. I speak …
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The Importance of Knowing and Keeping boundaries with psychotherapist Armele Philpotts
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This was a listener requested topic. Boundaries form the basis of all our relationships, be they with family, work colleagues or romantic partners. Boundaries even matter if you're travelling on public transport! In this episode Armele Philpotts explains how anger is a really useful tool to alert us to a boundary being crossed. How to make boundari…
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Adoption with psychotherapist and adoption specialist Alison Roy
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I get a lot of problems about adoption, usually, but not always, from the adopters who are struggling but are mired in shame that they cannot cope. Once someone has been through the process of adoption it can be very hard for them to admit they are finding it tough. But in this podcast we also hear from an adoptee, because that's the other side tha…
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A Gentle Introduction to Dementia with dementia specialist nurse Julie Green
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Dementia is a word which we've become increasingly familiar with over the years, but still, understandably, strikes fear in our hearts. In this episode I talk to Julie Green, Dementia UK's Deputy Clinical Lead and an Admiral nurse with thirty years experience caring for the elderly, twelve of them in a dementia specialist role. We talk about the ty…
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Sex Education: What We Wish We'd Learnt with sexual and relationship psychotherapist Silva Neves
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How many of us had really good sex education, or anything that goes beyond the mere biological? In this episode I talk to COSRT and UKCP registered Silva Neves about what we wish we’d learnt, how to have ‘The Conversation’ with your children and why it should start probably earlier than you think and around the dinner table. We cover consent, why p…
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The Truth About Baby Sleep with biological anthropologist Professor James McKenna
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Anyone who’s had a baby knows that probably the number one question you're asked is: are they sleeping through? Some years ago, whilst researching a piece, I found out that babies aren’t meant to sleep through and there are biological reasons why this is and it blew my mind, given everything I was told at the time was that if my baby didn’t sleep t…
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How to Identify Addiction and Get Help if You Need with psychotherapist Rebecca Harris
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Addiction is a word that’s overused and often misunderstood. In this episode I talk to systemic psychotherapist Rebecca Harris, who is also manager at the National Problem Gambling Clinic, Club Drug Clinic and the National Centre for Gaming Disorders. She works at the Central and North West NHS Foundation Trust in London. We look at what addiction …
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The Delicate Art of Managing Differences with psychotherapist Gabrielle Rifkind
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I wanted to call this “how to win an argument” but I realised it’s not all about winning or losing but finding common ground, or ground you can both tolerate to be on. In this episode I talk to psychotherapist Gabrielle Rifkind who is a mediator and conflict resolution expert, having worked in war zones in the Middle East, Asia and Europe. Gabriell…
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How to Cope With a Difficult Older Relative with psychotherapist Chris Mills
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I get so many problems about this, not just through my column, but in real life. Some people have difficult family members who get more difficult as they get older. Note: this isn’t about dementia this is about trying to navigate the difficulties you may face with an intransigent relative as they get older. Maybe they need some care but won’t ackno…
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What is Intimacy? with psychologist and psychoanalyst Stephen Blumenthal
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It’s only in the last few years that I’ve really looked into intimacy and what it actually, practically, means. A lot of people use it as a by-word for sex but here’s where it gets interesting because intimacy and sex aren’t the same thing. In fact a lot of people use sex to avoid intimacy. Stephen Blumenthal and I discuss what is and isn’t intimac…
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Blended Families and How to Navigate them with psychotherapist Katherine Walker
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Blended families, bonus families, step families whatever you call them, joining together two or more families can be tricky. What do you call your “new” mum/dad/sibling, how do you cope with issues that may come up, what’s the delicate line between being accepting and having boundaries? I discuss all this and more - including the positives - with p…
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The Secrets of the Sibling Relationship with psychotherapist Nicole Addis
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We are so focused on the parent/child relationship we often overlook the sibling one, even though it is often the longest lasting relationship of our lives and can divulge various insights - if you know what to look for. A good sibling relationship can support and encourage you, a bad one can have profound and long-lasting effects. In this episode …
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How Trauma Can Affect Everyday Life with consultant psychiatrist in psychotherapy Jo Stubley
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I used to think of trauma in terms of war and soldiers but actually trauma can affect anyone and impact every day life. Its effects can be felt in the brain and the body. In this episode I talk to Dr Jo Stubley, who leads the adult section of the Trauma Service at the NHS's Tavistock Centre. Find out what trauma and PTSD is and what might make some…
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Is Your Relationship Worth Saving with psychotherapist John-Paul Davies
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We're always told relationships need work, but how do you know when yours is over or does, indeed, need working at? In this episode we look at how a good relationship should make you feel, the signs that it may be beyond repair and how to better communicate your needs. I speak to psychotherapist John Paul Davies, who specialises in relationships. M…
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What to Expect When Someone Dies with Dr Kathryn Mannix
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This episode was a highly personal project, borne out of sitting with my dad as he was dying and realising I didn't know what to expect. I learnt that night that dying is a bit like birth, but in reverse. It's a process. Finding out about death and dying really helped me not only understand what was happening but make some sense of it. Here I speak…
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The Wonder of the Teenage Brain with adolescent psychotherapist Rachel Melville-Thomas
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The teenage brain goes through incredible changes during adolescence. This not only explains their behaviour but, knowing what these changes are means you can help support them or - if you are the teenager - might help you understand yourself better. Rachel and I chat about what those neurological changes are and how they manifest. I also spoke to …
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The Art of Listening with psychotherapist Chris Mills
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Listening is a skill not everyone has and yet it's so important to every day relationships - and is at the core of 99% of the problems I hear about. In this episode I talk to Chris Mills, a psychotherapist about how to be a better listener, how to be heard (and learn how I got myself heard as a child in a noisy Italian family) with exercises you ca…
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Have you ever wanted X-ray specs into human behaviour? Then this is the podcast for you. Listen to ‘brilliant, insightful and wise’ agony aunt and journalist Annalisa Barbieri, as she releases specially recorded conversations between her and the experts she’s consulted over the years, who put a life time’s learning into each conversation. Every wee…
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continue reading