31 - Live The Life You Crave PT 1

Be the Anchor – Strategies and Support for Small Business Owners

This episode is special for me because I am talking about my tagline. Perhaps you didn’t know until right now that I have a tagline! We’ll unpack it together. My tagline is ‘Live the life you crave’. This phrase is very important to me, it holds a lot of value, and I found it through intention and focus. The important place to start in understanding it is to define what ‘crave’ actually means. I’ll do that and examine exactly what it means to live what we crave in this episode.

Craving, according to the dictionary, is not just something that we want but something that we need. The definition likens it to how infants crave touch. Infants don’t just want touch, they need it in order to develop and grow. The thing we crave isn’t just an idle want, it’s something we need, something that pulls us in, something we deeply require. When you examine the cravings in your life, what are they? What do you want and need in order to thrive? What pulls you?

I’m going to talk about how living the life you crave encompasses more than just work, more than just your business. If you are succeeding at work but struggling with personal relationships, then the full life that you crave is not being satisfied. What do you need to create for your life to be filled on all levels? What do you crave about living that will make you fulfilled in the moment and not just living for a future when things hopefully align? I want you to think about these questions as you move through this episode with me.

Key Moments

02:11 Defining the word ‘crave’

05:28 Does the thing that you crave feel bigger than you? Drive you towards impacting change?

11:43 Your life is made up of more than work and all the components deserve to be strong

• Are you struggling with personal things outside of work? Finding balance is part of what you crave
• When you live the life you crave, does it align with your values in ways that satisfy you right now?
• It’s vital to think about every aspect of what you crave for your life

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Contact Kari Lotzien | Be the Anchor:

• Website: BeTheAnchor.ca
• Facebook: BeTheAnchorLtd
• Instagram: BeTheAnchor.ca
• Linkedin: Be-The-Anchor-Ltd

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Transcript:

Kari Lotzien: [00:00:01] Welcome to Be the Anchor, the podcast. I'm your host, business and leadership coach Kari Lotzien. When the seas of life get stormy, and they always will, it is not up to us to captain anyone else's ship or to try to calm the waters of the ocean. It's up to us to set our own destination for what we really want, and to learn how to navigate those waves of life together while finding that place of security and stability with others. I call this being an anchor. Hello my friends. I'm so glad you're here. Today is a special episode. I want to unpack my tagline with you. Live the life you crave. Now, some of you may not have realized until right now that that even was my tagline. But this phrase holds incredible value for me, and it's something that I came to with a lot of intention and focus. And as we unpack it together, I hope that it has as much power and brings you a chance to reflect and really dig in to the vision for your own life, like this phrase does for me. Let's start with, in this phrase live the life you crave, I want to start with the word crave. Because when I think about that word, I think about wanting something so much that it feels like you are pulled towards it. It's not a dream or a destination way off in the future that you feel like you have to hustle and grind and push towards, but that it feels hard.

Kari Lotzien: [00:01:44] When I think of things that we crave, it's like that thing, that vision, the future, the project, the business, the family, the relationship. It has its own energy. And when I think about things that we crave, I feel like there is a pull towards them that it's almost hard to resist moving towards that thing in our future. When we talk about the word crave and being defined as something that we intensely desire, I think it falls short a little bit. And when I read the example, or the sentence that was given in the dictionary, it said 'an example of craving is teaching parents to provide the touch that infants crave'. And as I thought about this, I thought, okay, there's something here that's really important because I think craving is more than something we desire, something we want. It's something that we need. There is a partnership between how we move towards this thing that we crave. But it's paired with something that we also require. Infants don't just desire touch. Infants require it. They require touch for the development of their nervous systems. They require touch so that they learn how to respond and develop that human connection with others. This is how they develop that sense of trust and relationship. They learn to accept touch, and they learn to give touch in a healthy and caring and kind way. When we crave touch, it's not just about, oh, it would be really, really nice to have. It is part of the development of who we are.

Kari Lotzien: [00:03:38] And I think that when you picture what are you craving in your life, whether it's a relationship, whether it's a business, whether it's a big idea, whether it's something that you feel pulled to do, I think what we want to understand is that this is a key part of who we will become as human beings, as we pursue or move towards that vision. So many times when I meet with clients, and myself included, when I had an idea for starting my first company, I didn't think of it in terms of, oh, I want to make this much money and this is what I want. It was a craving that I wanted to provide something different. I wanted to be of service, and I could suddenly see that I had something that I could bring to my clients that I felt would really make their life better and to the point, and I know it sounds kind of hokey, but my first business vision, my mission statement, was I wanted to change the world for kids. And although that sounded very grandiose and very, very big, that was truly the work that I felt like I was doing, that when I was working closely with parents and I was working with teachers, and I was helping them to change their perspective in how they viewed children who had challenges, I truly felt this was so much bigger than myself, and it became a craving that I felt pulled, this was something that I needed to do.

Kari Lotzien: [00:05:14] And in the pursuit of that, not saying that there were not times where things were difficult because there absolutely was, but it felt bigger than me. It felt like a pulling, not only a pursuit, if that makes sense. And I hear this over and over and over again with my clients. It feels bigger than themselves. It feels like there is an energy to be pulled towards doing something bigger, because it generally not only impacts their own life and creates that vision that they see for themselves, but often it has a ripple effect on changing communities or really creating change in industries or cultures. Like it becomes really big. So when you think about the thing that you crave, I want you to recognize that you're pulled towards something bigger than yourself. Now you might already be saying, okay, but I don't understand because I think we crave things that are not good for us as well. So where does that fit, Kari? Okay, well, here's the thing. I don't think that we actually crave the thing that is bad for us. So if you think about, okay, someone who is craving drugs or alcohol or they're craving food, that's not good for them and it doesn't really make sense. And it feels like this it's a bad craving. I think it is not that deep, that it's not actually the cigarettes, or the drink, or the drugs, or the bad food that we're craving, I think what we're craving is the feeling that it gives us underneath. It's the craving for what that will lead to.

Kari Lotzien: [00:06:47] I think the true craving is underneath that surface level. So if you peel one layer back for someone who is maybe craving going for drinks and, you know, cutting loose. Is what they're craving that sense of release? Are they craving that sense that when I have a few drinks I feel more confident? I feel more connected. I'm more social. I feel like I'm around people and that I have this sense of community. When you peel back just one layer, I think the craving is that sense of community and connection. I think when we crave food that's not good for us, it often relates to sometimes the sense of community. You know, we go out for food together and we overeat or we drink or whatever. Maybe we crave certain types of food when we're feeling down, when we're feeling lonely, when we're feeling isolated. And it kind of masks that sense. We don't crave the food, we crave that feeling of a sense of being full, a sense of being fulfilled. I think the craving comes from that need that we're looking for that is part of our human evolution. And I think sometimes the thing that we describe as craving on the way to that is not accurate. So I feel that that really defines and I always try to look further than if someone says they're craving something that doesn't quite align. I want to look at what is the destination, what is the feeling, what is the outcome that they might be truly craving? But their path to get there might not be exactly what they're wanting, or what makes sense, or what is in their best, highest interest. So when I define what do you crave? What are you pulled towards? What feels bigger than you? And then define that.

Kari Lotzien: [00:08:52] The next step is talking about living the life that you crave. I think this is another thing that differentiates me from a lot of coaches. I hear, and I understand it, I hear so much about niching and really developing a narrow focus in your industry so that people know, oh, this is the person that I work with. But one of the things that I find with my clients is that I don't want you to just develop the business that you crave. I don't want you to just develop the relationships that you crave in your community, or in your day-to-day partnerships in your family. I don't want you to just create a healthy lifestyle that you have a strong physical and mental health.

[00:09:42] Gillian is an incredible entrepreneur who is going through a time of scaling her very successful business. When she offered to record a testimonial about her experience with the Anchored Leadership Academy to go on my podcast, I was so honored. Have a listen to what she had to say. My name is Gillian and I just finished the Anchored Leadership Program with Kari Lotzien. I'm a financial planner. I've owned a practice for eight years and I'd hit a space of exponential growth. Everything was going great, but I always struggled with the management of team, how to hire, how to fire, how to have those yucky conversations. And that was a huge takeaway from the Anchored Leadership, where I got tools and practice as to how to implement those things into my business so I can continue to grow and continue to thrive. It was an exceptional experience that I would highly recommend to any business owner who is looking to push through their discomfort to that next level of success. In the Anchored Leadership Academy, we combine weekly live sessions for one hour that focus on a key area of leadership, and then participants have the ability to work through all of the content in the modules between sessions. This allows a nice balance between accountability for really busy entrepreneurs to keep moving forward with the program and get it done, while also having the ability to flex their time a little bit and make it work for them. An added bonus: all participants get lifetime access to the videos, the audio, all of the resources in the course so you can keep coming back to it again and again when it applies to that specific time in your business. If this sounds like an interesting thing to you, click the link in the show notes, book an inquiry call, and let's see if the Anchored Leadership Academy is right for you at this stage of business. Thanks so much. Back to the show.

Kari Lotzien: [00:11:43] When I look at your life, I look at all of the different parts. I see too many entrepreneurs, small business owners who try to compartmentalize their life. And then generally one area of their life might feel really strong. So maybe you've developed an exceptional business where you have customers who rave about you. You're making more money than you've ever made in your life, and you're so proud of that. But maybe your family life is suffering. Maybe your partnership with the person who you have dedicated your life to and who you're really close and connected to, is suffering as a result of the time and the energy that you're spending on your business or on work.

Kari Lotzien: [00:12:31] In my perspective that is not creating the life that you crave. It's not living the life that you crave. It's creating an element of a strong business that is merely a spoke in the wheel of your life. What I want you to think about is when you are designing your life, i want you to think about all of the different aspects, the things that you crave in terms of relationship, family, social, physical and mental health and business. This creates a life that you crave. So many entrepreneurs, small business owners, and I see this - I was going to say that I see this more with moms and female business owners who feel like they compartmentalize their life, that they're trying to kind of do it all. They're trying to be a great parent and volunteer and, you know, be at their kid's sports. But then they're also trying to develop this business. But I actually don't think that's the case as much anymore. When I'm listening closely to men who are also running small businesses and have families, I think that we, this generation, we're starting to see more of a blurred line between work and home life. Now, I think one is that we are constantly accessible and that those lines can blur between family and work.

Kari Lotzien: [00:14:00] But also our roles are changing. That we are expecting, and I think both partners are wanting, to be more connected. We're wanting to have more balanced lives. We're not wanting to do, you know, 120 hour weeks. We're not wanting to just dedicate our whole world to work. And then our partner looks after kind of the home life. And then, you know, that's how we create a balanced family. I think we are individually looking to have more balanced lives where we have those really close relationships and connections that work with our businesses, that work with our schedules so that we can have this life that we crave, not just the business. And I think this is also something that is unique about how I work with people, is I always want to know, that is awesome that your business is really taking off and you're getting a lot of clients, talk to me about how that's affecting things at home. Or, you know, I know with a lot of my clients, they share with me things that are going on in their personal lives. They have loved ones who are undergoing surgeries or who have fallen ill, and then that is taking their emotional toll. They want to be there, they want to be there to support their families, but they also have businesses that they're running. And I want to know, okay, I heard that your mom is not well and that you're making some really big decisions in your family right now. Talk to me about how that's affecting things at work. Who's taking over, who's helping that part of your life to stay smooth? And how do these things work together? It is all one machine. It's not individual parts and pieces.

Kari Lotzien: [00:15:42] And then the last part of this is living the life that you crave. Now I think we hear a lot about values. We hear a lot about goals and dreams and plans and visions. But now I want to know, are you living it? And to me, living is an action. It is something that we do, not something we dream about, not something that you envision or work towards. It's what you're doing right now. And I think this is another really big piece. As high performers, we are really good at setting goals and moving towards them, but I hear too too often, when. When we achieve this milestone, when I hire three more people, when we close this big sale, when my kids get a little older, when we move to this new community, when... and it's like the payoff is in the future. And what I see is that people who constantly are telling me these things, that when this happens, inevitably, by the time one of those things, by the time your kids are older, by the time you've moved to that community, by the time you've opened the next sale or you've closed that next sale, something else comes in.

Kari Lotzien: [00:17:05] And that payoff just seems to be getting farther and farther out. What I want to know when we work together is are you living the life that you crave? What is it looking like? How is it showing up right now? I want to really be clear on this. I'm not saying that things are perfect every day because they're not. You're going to have seasons where things are just hard. You're going to have unexpected things come up in your family, in your business, in your relationships, in your own health. That happens. I'm not giving you this overly positive gushy, 'the world is your oyster, things are smooth all the time'. That's not what I'm talking about. What I'm talking about is when you look at your life and you give yourself a grade on how you feel you're living right now, are you satisfied? Are you grateful? Do you feel like you're making progress in the direction of the thing that you crave? I want to know what does that look like today? Because more days than not, I want you to feel like you are actively living the life that you crave. I don't want you to be putting it off into the future. We can be moving towards a bigger goal. We can be in pursuit of a project or a dream or something next. But I don't want you to feel like the satisfaction that you have in your life is in the future. That you suffer now, so that you can have a payoff later on.

Kari Lotzien: [00:18:37] I think that whole rewards and consequences behaviorist approach, it doesn't work, and I think we're hearing it still in so many places. Rewards and consequences, right? We will put off our satisfaction and our lifestyle right now because we think that there's going to be this maybe big financial payoff in the future, or there's going to be this big thing that we're going to come into so that we keep pursuing it, thinking that, well, that big carrot, that big reward will pay off, or we run away from that feeling of discomfort trying to get ahead of it. I want you to just pause in this moment and say, am I living the life that I crave? Am I getting the things? And when I talk about craving, it's that combination of what are you feeling pulled towards? Are you getting closer to it? And are you fulfilling that need that is allowing you to evolve as a person? And moving you forward. Live the life you crave. Live it in action. Your life is all parts. And what do you crave that is moving you towards the person that you want to be in this world? That's what I'm talking about today. And I invite you to just spend some time with this. Maybe jot this phrase at the top of a piece of paper, and then just brainstorm all of the thoughts that come up for you.

Kari Lotzien: [00:20:12] What are the things that are feeling amazing right now, that feel like they are aligned with what you crave? And what are those things that are maybe a little bit in the future that you feel pulled towards in all of those different aspects and just let it come out. Just dump it out on the paper, have a look at it, see what it looks like. If you choose to, reach out to me, let's have a conversation about it and to see are there ways that maybe we can support each other in moving in the direction that you want to go? In the next episode, this is a two part series, this one. In the next episode, I'm going to talk about how do we do this? Okay, Kari, so I've kind of assessed living the life I crave and where I'm at right now, but now what? What do I do? How do I look at this so that I can continue to create the life that I crave and live the life that I crave? So I hope that you're going to join me for the next episode, where we're going to unpack more of the tangible steps and strategies that you can do to move towards this. I'll see you there.

Kari Lotzien: [00:21:19] Please know that this podcast is meant for entertainment purposes only. It is not a substitution for medical or professional mental health advice. If you require support, please do reach out. Thanks so much.