THE GIFT OF SHYNESS: HOW TO TURN YOUR SHYNESS INTO AN ASSET AND RULE YOUR WORLD

Love University with Dr. Alexander Avila

Are you shy? If so, then our latest show on Love University Podcast is perfect for you. In Dr. Avila’s landmark book, The Gift of Shyness (https://bit.ly/4cEjgMb), he outlined the hidden gifts (talents) of shy people and how they can achieve romantic and personal success. As a shy person, you’re likely a deep, reflective person who is a good listener and empathetic to others. The challenge you face as a shy person is what Dr. Avila calls the Observer (or Self-Observer)—the part of your mind that makes you feel self-conscious and worried about what other people think about you (making you want to withdraw socially). The key to transforming your shyness into an asset is to diminish the Observer while developing more of your Actor, the spontaneous and natural part of your personality. With the right Actor-Observer balance you can rule your social and romantic world. Here’s more of what we learned about The Gift of Shyness on the show:

*Realize that shyness is really a gift. Up to 50% of the population is shy. Yet, for years, there has been a strong stigma attached to being shy. Shy people were known as “social rejects,” “wallflowers,” or “socially phobic.” In reality, shyness, used rightly, can be a great gift. As coined by Dr. Avila, the new definition of shyness is “a life-enhancing state of extraordinary social sensitivity and profound self-reflection.” Embrace your gift of shyness, accept yourself as you are, and you can do wonders in your life.

*Vanquish your Observer. The Observer is the part of your mind that is constantly judging and criticizing your social performance (“You’ll say something stupid; you’re not attractive or charming enough to win the hearts and attention of others”). To diminish the Observer, give it a name and draw what it looks like in a notebook. Maybe you call it “Weak Willy” or “Pathetic Patty.” Now visualize that it is getting smaller and smaller as you say to it, “Observer, you are nothing but a figment of my imagination. I will toss you out like yesterday’s trash. Goodbye, Observer.”

*Access your inner Actor: To develop your Actor, the spontaneous, natural, and fun part of your personality, think of an actor from stage or screen that you admire. Consider how they dress, talk, walk, and act. Now, in front of a mirror at home, practice talking like they do, adopt some of their facial expressions; you may even try out some clothes that remind you of them. Your goal is to tap into the spontaneous and natural part of you that “doesn’t give a #**” about other’s social approval. You won’t just imitate or copy the actor you admire, you will play with some of the characteristics you admire about them, while adopting your own personal Actor style. Soon, you will be free and natural—more charismatic and attractive than ever before—attracting the interest and attention of the people you’re interested in.

Yes, you can be socially and professionally successful, charismatic, attractive, and desirable—while still being shy. You can be confidently shy. You can be romantically shy. You can be powerfully shy. The key is to embrace the positive aspects of being shy while transforming the self-conscious parts of your personality. When you do this, you will be a fully integrated and balanced human being who can achieve your dreams and make the world a better place. Here’s to a beautiful and confident Shy You.