Episode 5 - Enter The FOG - The Culture Of Jehovah's Witnesses

This JW Life

The most damaging part of Jehovah's Witnesses is their culture that keeps people held captive to a concept. You will learn about the FOG and BITE models of control in this episode, and how JWs use it specifically. Direct Download Here [expand title="Click Here To Show Transcript"] [00:01:51] Last week I went over some of the structure of Jehovah's Witnesses and the general narrative. However that's just a fraction of the story and like I said that isn't even the most damaging part. The culture of Jehovah's Witnesses is where the real story lies. Because what you believe is one thing what you live on a daily basis is an entire different level. [00:02:13] So now I'm going to discuss the call through to cold models that are often used in abusive relationships of any type. First let's dive into the fog fear obligation and guilt if you can get people into the fog. They tend to find it hard to ever see their way out. I'll take this one by one and break down how Jehovah's Witnesses use the fog. With some examples. So let's start with if or fear now. I've already discussed in previous episodes the fear of demons. And obviously that's one pretty big fear. Another fear is the almost paranoia that you are constantly being watched. Jehovah is watching you judging your every move. And he can read your heart and innermost thoughts. So are openly exposed at all times. Satan is watching you. Roving about like a roaring lion seeking to devour someone as they like to quote from scripture. [00:03:15] Now according to them beliefs he can't read your thoughts but he is watching your actions and always studying you looking for a chink in your spiritual armor to exploit every time you go knocking on doors to the grocery school work or anywhere in the world people are watching you. [00:03:35] And we were told that someone likely has seen us before and knows that we are one of Jehovah's Witnesses. [00:03:40] Are you being a good ambassador for Jehovah could whatever you're doing right now bring reproach upon Jehovah's name members of the congregation are watching you to making sure that you stay in line. Your family is watching you. [00:03:58] And of course probably the most damaging of all you are watching you are relentless internal struggle that can be worse than anything. [00:04:08] So this gets us to crime and punishment and the congregation. What if you do slip up what's going to happen. Well it depends on who finds out and how bad it was having sex with someone's wife is different than getting caught watching porn or a movie with some violence in it. So there's a spectrum first. Whatever happened will be reported to the elders through which everything in life has funneled you will then be talked to by two elders. Usually after a meeting in a private room in the back of the Kingdom Hall It's never a good feeling when someone comes up to you and says hey could you come back here I'd like to talk to you about something. [00:04:50] Doesn't matter how big or how small. It's just never a good feeling. I guess it's it's kind of reminiscent of going to the principal's office let's say in school. It's not a good feeling. They're not usually calling you back to tell you how great you are. So when you go back into this room it's usually going to be a fact finding mission. A preliminary investigation of sorts. It might be that what you did was a minor offense and you'll just receive some counsel right then and there. They'll rageous some scriptures and make a big deal out of a minor offense but tell you to do better and how you've disappointed Jehovah right now. If it's a bit major There may be more meetings with those same elders and you could be reproved. This can be done either publicly or privately. Private reproof means that there's no announcement made to the congregation through a talk but maybe you can't do something anymore for a time like raise your hand and comment at the meetings or give a talk from the platform or even go out door to door. Which is funny because they see going door to door does ministry work. They see that as a biblical mandate. Yet somehow they get to take that away. So God is said has commanded that you go do this but if you piss off the wrong person in the organization they can actually take that that right that command that responsibility away from you which is something that never really made sense to me. [00:06:18] Now rest assured that although this proof may be private remember people are watching you so others will notice that you're not commenting or you know your brother or sister or so-and-so I overheard them comment a while. [00:06:32] I haven't seen them give a talker. I don't see them at the meetings for field service so people will be talking and although it's supposedly probably that somebody is going to know something about you. Jehovah's Witnesses are kings and queens of gossip as could be expected from such a small and tight community public reproof usually happened if someone in the congregation knew about what you had done and it was out already. So they have to make a little more public spectacle out of you. They have to let other people know that they're dealing with it. So in addition to whatever limitations of what you could do in the congregation they might give a talk about avoiding whatever it was that you fell into and then people can surmise what you did. That's that's a great thing to do to a human being. If what you did was serious enough you were then put before a judicial committee if you remember it was on a last episode I mentioned. Jehovah's Witnesses have their own judicial process. So in this three elders would determine your fate you would be super detail questions about whatever it was you did about everything they want all of the details. [00:07:46] From what I've heard if it was something sexual they want all of the details who did what. How many times did anyone enjoy it. Did someone climax. What happened. Who who initiated like they would like every detail so they can determine if you were really repentant or sorry for what you had done. Because everything hangs on your repentance you're proving to these men that you are truly sorry. [00:08:19] Now were you just caught up in a moment of passion or was it something willful unplanned. I've read so many stories of this it's truly horrifying. And I think as much as it is these men trying to figure out if you're repentant Honestly I think it a sexually repressed culture. It's dirty old men getting off on the details. And I'm not the only person that think this. It's really very creepy. Now again remember though this doesn't have to be a sexual thing though let's face it. And this community of Jehovah's Witnesses that's often what it is. It could be something like lying stealing. There could have been violence. Maybe somebody was caught out and was drunk and other people saw it. Anything that they deem to be a major sin. You can end up with your fate resting in the hand of three men that you have to go before and plead your case if they find you repentance. [00:09:19] You may be subject to it or that private or public reproof depending on who knows what. If you're found unrepentant you will be disfellowshipped. [00:09:30] And when you are disfellowshipped they will read your name at the next meeting announced the brothers sisters Smith is no longer one of Jehovah's Witnesses and then the shining will start and we're talking absolute shunning here. [00:09:44] You are dead to them and they are not to even say a greeting to you even if you're there who your son your daughter your mom your dad your husband your wife they are not to even utter a greeting to you. [00:10:00] Family Sean's family even if you're in the same home there's going to be some degree of shunning though. You know if you have a husband and a wife oftentimes they just you're maybe not supposed to have any spiritual conversations because they don't want that this fellowship person to influence negatively the quote spirituality of the person who's still in the only real reason that witnesses are ever really supposed to talk to you if you're disfellowshipped is what's called quote necessary family business. This is a term that they've coined so you know what exactly that means is left to some degree of interpretation. Essentially they really just don't want you to talk to that other person but there might be some reason for many Jehovah's Witnesses that I've known what that actually means is that the Jehovah's Witness family member can come to you the disfellowshipped person if they need help for whatever reason. So that would be deemed necessary family business. But of course if you needed something from them if the disfellowshipped person were let's say to become homeless they're not going to help you. This is a one way street as far as who gets to determine what necessary family business is. There are often times where these still end Jehovah's Witness maybe needs some money so they go to the disfellowshipped person and ask for money or they need a job or they need just some some thing in life some legality that they need help with they might go and ask the disfellowshipped person for that. But I guarantee you when the disfellowshipped person ends up homeless and ask the witness for something it will be seen as well. [00:11:53] You brought that on yourself. You know you should never left the truth. Your insight and system of things now and whatever happens to you happens. Honestly they're going to kind of hope that you as this disfellowshipped person hit rock bottom because if you do then they're hoping that you'll come crawling back myself after my dad died my mom reached out to me to get me to sign some legal documents for the estate essentially I guess it released whatever it's my mom because she needed that signature but I've never heard from her again. So now let me go ahead and explain. So you've been disfellowshipped and you want to come back. Well there is a process for reinstatement. You know as I said it's a process. Now we all know the prodigal son story in the Bible son goes out acts a fool does some bad things comes back home and his dad immediately runs out to greet him and accepts him back simply because he retired not here not in the cult of Jehovah's Witnesses. [00:12:54] You must come back meet with the elders and then do whatever they say. A person has to come back to the meetings and it's and all of them and they will watch him make a note of her attendance of course when you arrive you should arrive when it starts that way you don't make everybody else uncomfortable with your disfellowship presence and they don't have to shun you as hard. Now you're going to sit back in the back row. That way nobody has to see you. And when it leaves you are to leave immediately. Obviously speaking to nobody. [00:13:28] Usually you're going to have to do this along with meeting with the elders to discuss your improving spiritual state for at least six months. I mean six months would be a pretty short time usually at least a year or more if you do what they want. They will eventually announce that Brother Sister Smith has been reinstated and is one of Jehovah's Witnesses and the shining ends. [00:13:48] So can you see why this fear looms daily over Jehovah's Witnesses. You better not slip up. Oh and you see this play out. You get accustomed to watching people disappear and never come back. [00:14:03] They also like to tell stories about how you can't hide from what you've done. For instance there was this one brother that was doing something. I don't remember now what they said he was doing but a story that circulates that supposedly while he was giving a talk from the platform he broke down and admitted he admitted his guilt. God's Spirit has worked on him in front of everyone to keep the congregation clean. He just admitted something awful up there in front of everybody. They just want you to know that it will come out whatever it is that you are hiding. So that way they can keep that fear in you. If that's not bad enough we were constantly told stories of how world situations can change on a change on a dime. There are countries like Russia where Jehovah's Witnesses have been banned. In those cases persecution occurs in some countries. I think there was a big deal in Malawi in the 70s or 80s I can't remember but people were displaced from their homes they were raped they were killed etc. just just because of their stand as Jehovah's Witnesses on some particular ground. [00:15:20] If a country bans them they will continue to do whatever they do underground and if caught they may be jailed or worse. Jehovah's witnesses refuse military service even in countries where that's mandatory. So in those countries they're imprisoned even in the United States where it isn't mandatory they would tell us how that could change that could change any day now. They're always harping on that fear it could change. They love to promote fear and a persecution complex. It could come at any day now you have to be ready to give up everything even your life. The Nazi persecution of Jehovah's Witnesses was often used as just one example. There's there's nothing so innocent as scaring little children into believing that they might have to lose mommy or daddy some time and go be faithful little Jehovah's Witnesses on their own in a concentration camp somewhere. Isn't that nice. And of course as I've already mentioned there is the impending Great Tribulation which will come in our lifetime during which all religion is destroyed and Jehovah's Witnesses will have to shine and stand out and be persecuted. [00:16:32] After that is Armageddon which is depicted in horrific hardest illustrations throughout their publications. From the time you're a child you are shown these horrible things that will occur when fire and brimstone comes down from the heavens to kill everyone on earth but you. You are supposed to stand tall during this knowing that your deliverance is here. I don't know about you but if you can stand tall and proud while everyone around you has slaughtered you are a psychopath. They try to deaden your normal human feelings though and honestly they do a very good job of it. Armageddon is always coming tomorrow. Obviously that can't happen in their timeline but the feeling is always there. They like to talk about how you wouldn't want to slip up today and do something you'd regret. If Armageddon came tomorrow because you know you can be a faithful servant for decades and do all the right things. But if your imperfections shines through. One time on the day of Armageddon you will be destroyed forever. [00:17:37] So fear rules. Jehovah's Witnesses. All right so now let's discuss Oh for obligacion as I mentioned before Jehovah's Witnesses believe that they have the truth by default. Everything else is false and from Satan so your obligation is to do whatever they deem necessary for survival through Armageddon to be counted as righteous Jehovah's Witnesses aren't supposed to go to weddings or funerals that take place in churches. Those are houses of false worship their obligation is to the organization that they're a part of only as the Scriptures say for what fellowship does the light have with darkness. If you want a freakin Jehovah's Witness out when it come to your door ask them to pray with you or take some of your religious literature. They hate that they don't believe that you're praying to the true God and they can't mix them with you and your worship. Although of course it's OK for them to come to your door and offer you their literature. They're not going to take yours if they do they're just going to they're just going throw it away. Then again of course let's admit it. What is it you did when I left the Watchtower and Awake with you. You probably threw it away too so I guess I can't really blame you. I used to though when I was a kid my grandpa had a solid gold antique Hamilton pocket watch that had a gold chain and a gold knife and he had promised that to me when I graduated from high school. [00:19:10] Unfortunately he died before I reached that age. So my parents kept watch for me in their top dresser drawer. I loved that watch. I loved what it stood for love that it was my grandpa's. I would go pull it out of its little velvet palette and just look at it open the knife wind it watch it run well the day came when I earned that watch. I graduated high school when I went to go get it the watch was gone. I immediately went and asked my mom where it went. [00:19:40] She told me a story that she found amusing and that I didn't so much and still don't. She told me that one day she thought it had a false religious symbol on it. I don't know what it could have been. Maybe it was like a cross or something. I don't know Jehovah's Witnesses don't believe in the cross. [00:19:57] She never specified whatsoever what it was she she thought it had a false religious symbol on it. So she she grabbed the watch and she threw it in the front yard. That makes sense right. Well when she later realized that she was wrong and went out to get I to take it. Imagine that. I'll just leave it there. I'm not going to elaborate it on much more because I can't do so without getting a little hateful. But so that is how deep the ingrained notion is that you have to stay away from anything that could be deemed false religion. If you think something might have a false religious symbol on it you better throw it out. In fact I remember there were people who would be criticized for having fluorides. So we had some friends who had these curtain rods and at the end the knobs were like these Fluor Diddley's. And I guess that was seen as like a fertility symbol. And I don't know some culture and people they would get criticized because someone came over to their house and noticed they had a flu or Dilley at the end of their curtain rod. [00:21:06] That's how petty and stupid it gets. So we were obligated to stick with what we saw to be true worship only. Here are some other obligations that Suppose a true worship involves. There was strong pressure to be at every meeting. Children had nothing to do at the meetings but were obliged to sit there and sit still for two hours and be bored. All Jehovah's Witnesses are obligated to abstain from blood transfusions. Basically they take in a few verses in the Bible that were about specific situations in Bible times and made modern day laws about bought blood transfusions. Even children are obligated to know this doctrine and how to explain it and you better. Because if you should ever need a transfusion as a child you might have to explain to doctors or a judge why you cannot take one. This is serious business. Many people die because of this refusal. Children and adults alike especially pregnant women. There is a lot of risk there and at times blood is needed and if they refuse them both they and the baby may die. All Jehovah's Witnesses carry a card in their wallet that acts as a legal document says on it. Real big no blood so they refuse blood. If they can't speak for themselves in the case of an emergency this legal document essentially speaks for them. It is one of the most despicable and dangerous doctrine doctrines that they teach. [00:22:40] In fact they have a hospital liaison committee or HLC a group of brothers that visits Jehovah's Witnesses and the hospital to help them or watch over them to make sure that they don't give in and take blood and that if they do they find out so that they can disfellowship that person. [00:22:59] Actually I believe that this is seen as an automatic disassociation. I haven't talked about disassociation yet. I will add my own story because that's what we did. It's an interesting concept but for the purposes of this subject let's just say that if a person does something like take blood to save their life or maybe join in military and military service that is mandatory in some country. Something that would make Jehovah's Witnesses look bad if they disfellowshipped a person for that. [00:23:27] I mean come on you know like here's a pregnant woman in labor and she needs a blood transfusion. And she takes one to save herself and her baby and she's disfellowshipped for that. I mean how awful is that going to look to any outsider. Of course it's going to look horrific and it is horrific. And they know that. So what they say is that person has taken it upon themselves to disassociate by that action and then that way they can save a little face as an organization and put all the blame on that person for what they did. [00:24:05] One that takes blood is seen as being blood guilty. This is an actual term blood guilt. One can also be guilty by not preaching to someone shrinking back from taking an opportunity to witness to them. Also if your car was in disrepair and you were in a wreck and hurt or killed someone you could be bled guilty in some cases like taking blood you would be kicked out of the organization. But in other cases like shrinking back from witnessing to somebody because you were dissed you were not comfortable in doing so at the moment. [00:24:39] It will be strictly between you and joho. But either way you're you're always at the mercy of someone else. There's always this obligation and you're trying not to be a guilty Jehovah's Witnesses are also to engage in what is called spiritual warfare. Again this is an actual term. [00:24:59] In other words if it is necessary to lie to protect the organization you are obligated to do so. Yes it happens yes. Again that is the term Here's another fun time. New Light new light. So basically whenever Jehovah's Witnesses find out that they are wrong about something rather than admitting they were wrong they come out with an article about quote new light as they claimed the light gets brighter as we go throughout the end of this system of things towards Armageddon. Jehovah opens their eyes to more and more. And when they have to change some doctrine often some place where they predicted something that didn't come true and they look stupid income's new light. Jehovah's Witnesses are obligated to accept new light whatever they believed yesterday must change today even if they don't understand it completely. If they don't they clearly don't trust Jehovah's organization and maybe they should be shunned if they don't shut up and keep it to themselves. If you don't keep up with present truth get another term that's a lariats presence truth as they call it. [00:26:11] This is and then again this present truth is also subject to change. But if you don't keep up with it if you disagree with it. If anyone knows that you disagree with that then you can be labeled an apostate and that's Fellowship's you can be disfellowshipped and kicked out for what you believed yesterday. That's pretty high stakes for something for truth that subject to change. I have to take a second here to say that as I say these things out loud even though I said them before and I've written them down for this. It's hard to believe that I ever was a part of this. It just goes to show how strong this is the power of the fog the fear obligation and guilt when natural disasters strike. Jehovah's Witnesses are obligated to try to help but they only help their own. The organization will send relief teams in with food and water clothes even help rebuild homes. Of course there are always going to go rebuild the Kingdom Hall. If that was destroyed first. That sounds pretty awesome right. I mean what's wrong with that. And it's all volunteer too. So where's the obligation. Well after they help their brothers and sisters something that a lot of people don't know is that they send in teams to speak to the effect of brothers and sisters to strongly encourage them to turn over their insurance checks. [00:27:41] So the organization that just helped them see their organization benefits they have free volunteer labor brothers and sisters that put up their own money their own tools in their own time to go into these affected areas so that they can help out the brothers and sisters there that are local. And then on the back end the organization swoops in and says hey we just helped you out. We being other people but volunteers. But whatever we just helped you up. Don't you think maybe you ought to hand over that check so you can see there where the sense of obligation comes in. [00:28:26] Now they do help people that aren't Jehovah's Witnesses on occasion but usually that's only if they are well. Well I'm going to call here Derbe adjacent and other words maybe they live next door to Jehovah's Witnesses or Jaida and they think that by helping them maybe they can convert them. There's almost always an ulterior motive. And we're talking about disasters here. Jehovah's Witnesses have no obligation to help on a daily basis in any other way. They do nothing but their preaching work for charity. That is their charity. That's what they see as the ultimate assistance. There's no feed the homeless program there's nothing to clothe the needy and there's certainly no program to provide Christmas presents to poor kids. [00:29:08] Speaking of those obligations to one another in the congregation you'll find that a lot of Jehovah's Witnesses work for other Jehovah's Witnesses. There are lots of service based business owners in the organization as well as a lot of people that fall into various MLM schemes. Now of course there's no doctrine of working for one another. But there's a huge culture of it. People look to their other brothers and sisters for work. It often ends poorly with the workers wanting to take advantage of the witnesses that own the business with kind of an expectation where they'll take care of me. And then there are a lot of Jehovah's Witness business owners that pay really low wages and treat their employees poorly. I've seen both sides personally in the end though witnesses are not allowed to see one another that is actual doctrine as a result many dirty deals are made. Also this all kind of gets back to the keeping up appearances which is yet another obligation we had to make sure that Jehovah's organization looks pure and clean and is never to smirch besmirch to the world. You've got to keep that name shined up and sparkling. So not only is this in the world that has to be done but also inside the congregation also with one another. Again it could even be in those employer employee situations. I remember when I was I don't know I was like 17 I was a high school for electronics. I hustled up some of my homework on the side and was fixing cars and microwaves and such. One of the brothers in the congregation had a broken VCR. [00:30:50] So he came to me and asked if I could fix it. Of course he wanted a deal. You know which is going to happen in that kind of a situation. But on the other hand he said that you know if I couldn't fix it it wasn't like it was a huge issue. It was broken. So you just buy a new one. But if I could fix it though and fix it cheap that be great. So I took it to my little workshop at my grandparent's house and got to work on it. Ultimately I replaced the belt. I did some other work on it. I put money into it but it just wouldn't work right. I couldn't fix it. It was beyond my expertise at the time when my parents found out they were super upset with me. I mean how dare I take this broken VCR and sell the brother that it was still that broken. They made me go buy him a brand new VCR. I have my own money and give it to him which he was happy with. But he kind of thought was strange. And they took my car away for a month. I learned not to do work for people at the Kingdom Hall anymore. After all I was working for minimum wage and couldn't afford to risk on every piece of equipment that was greater than what I could have ever actually like save. You know and made by fixing it. So I had to make my parents look good. And most importantly the organization another obligation. [00:32:10] A lot of people on the outside don't know about is that of turning in a field service report every month. You see every time a witness is talking to an unbeliever they are watching the clock and trying to figure out how long it took. They tally up that time and write it on a report that they must turn in each month to show that they're regular and witnessing. You can't be much of one to much of a Jehovah's Witness If you don't actively witness if you failed to for even one month you are deemed irregular and the elders might want to meet with you after six months you're deemed inactive. These are their terms a regular and an active anyway. They keep these reports on you forever. And the organization loves numbers and they compile them to show what they've done. How many hours you were out knocking on doors your report how many magazines you left with people how many times you went back in on someone that had taken literature and spoke to them. That's called a return visit. And then if you can get somebody to study with you out of a book you write that information down as well. And now for the big one this is the biggest obligacion dedication and baptism This is when everything gets real. The pressure to get baptized particularly for kids is huge. Joe what is it like to brag that they don't sprinkle infants into the church like Catholics do and they mock them for it. After all how much can a baby understand what's going on. They don't even know what they're doing. It's not like they made a choice to get sprinkled on the other hand. [00:33:47] Jehovah's Witness is a great pressure to their own kids and promote stories of 8 year old kids getting baptized and what a great example they are for the young ones. Eight year olds are well known for their decision making capabilities. Nobody knows better what they want to do with their life than someone that would eat cake for breakfast cookies for lunch and pie for dinner with ice cream for dessert. OK I'd probably do the same but whatever. Anyway Jehovah's Witnesses may not baptize infants but it's not like they're setting the bar high. Jesus was was 30 when he got baptized and he was perfect and the Son of God according to them. If you are baptized by your mid-teens people will start questioning your spirituality if you aren't by the late teens. People start labeling you bad association for their own kids and start avoiding you at some point there's something called quote the age of accountability that comes into play. There's no set age. But if you're old enough to understand the doctrine then you're old enough to be accountable to God and the organization. In other words you might as well get baptized after all. Jehovah sees you as seriously as if you were anyway. You see baptism is where Jehovah's Witnesses really get their claws into you. They give talks about how baptism is actually for your protection. God will give you his spirit to help you not fall into temptation. What really happens is once you are baptized they can now use the threat of disfellowshipping and Schoeni against you before then they can't do so. [00:35:23] So it's all a power move and a very effective one. Once you're baptized all obligations are in play. [00:35:32] Now we're going to talk about the G in the fog. Gilt guilt is the thought that I did a bad thing. Shame is the feeling that I am a bad person when standards of performance are as high as Jehovah's Witnesses impose upon their members. Guilt often becomes shame. So I did a bad thing. Easily becomes I'm a bad person. First let's explain the Jehovah's Witnesses moralize everything human imperfections or predilections are seen as though you sat down and decided to choose them. I also want you to realize that Jehovah's Witnesses have things that they see as black and white laws and other things that are principles. Here's another witness term conscience matters that is basically when they allow you to use your own conscience. How kind of them to determine what you'll do on such a matter. For instance having any sexual contact with someone that you aren't married to is wrong. [00:36:36] Watching a movie that has some sexual content in it is a matter of conscience as to how much is too much whether it's on screen or inferred if nudity was involved or not. But they're going to still let you know that you should feel guilty for saying any such content. They like to make rules out exactly making rules if you know what I'm saying. They they like to let you do something but I did tell you that you really shouldn't think guilt and shame comes out many ways. One of the things that I hear from Jehovah's Witnesses the most is that when they were Jehovah's Witnesses and honestly a lot of times even thereafter they feel like they're never enough. They themselves are not enough as a human being. It's a claim that rings true with just about everyone. Again let's remember that this is a performance based religion with perfectionistic aims. They expect you to be at all of the meetings and if you miss one even for good reason you feel guilty. Of course now they have an electronic system by which you can call in and listen even if you're sick. You really have to be a horrible person not to at least do that right. Don't you appreciate the spiritual food prepared for you lovingly by the brothers. Are you starting to see how this works. What do you mean you went with friends on to the lake on Saturday instead of going out in field service guilt's everything you do is under constant constant scrutiny from other people. Like I mentioned earlier and one of the most damaging is doing it to yourself. [00:38:18] Did you picture that person naked in a sexual way. Guilt. Jesus said that anyone looking at a woman so as to have a passion for her has committed sin in his heart. Oh now we're getting to the heart and that heart is a part of you. Remember guilt is what you do. Shame is about who you are. Now we're talking about you and how you really are the hardest treacherous who can know says the Bible. So we learn not to trust our heart our gut feelings or even our thoughts by doing so. It was easier to get us to let the organization decked out dictate how we should be I think that one of the most damaging impacts the organization on a person with respects to guilt and shame is actually in sexuality. One of the most personal aspects of any human being masturbation is flat out condemned. They even had talks on it. I had to give one of those talks once if looking at a woman with lost in one's heart is horrible. I really feel for any in the organization that were gay or they claimed that it was OK to have gay thoughts. It was just wrong to act on them to do so would get you disfellowshipped. I knew someone who was gay and committed suicide due to the pain of facing who was inside the organization. And I know he was not the only one. Sex is only to be experienced between married people and the marriage bed is to be kept without defilement. Oral sex anal sex anything other than basic sex could be defiling. [00:39:58] This was always a big taboo in the organization and as teens we would search for information in the publications about what the rules were because we had heard things and of course had no experience. You weren't going to be disfellowshipped for having oral sex with your spouse. But if you had privileges in the congregation as a ministerial servant or an elder you could actually be removed from your position in the congregation if that was found out somehow. Now it's not like they had cameras in people's bedrooms. What if someone told someone else about it in confidence it could come to light. I've actually heard crazy stories about people that felt so guilty afterward that they self-reported. [00:40:38] And these are talks these things are openly discussed in talks from the platform with children present those who are disfellowshipped for serious wrongdoing of whatever type usually leave in shame not guilt but shame at that point. They aren't condemning merely for their acts. By not being deemed repentant though they're actually speaks as to who they are. They're not sorry. These three men and their congregation have decided that they are not sorry. [00:41:14] And so they are a full shame at that point. And when you think about about the way back about being forced to go to every meeting while being shunned like a leper back in Bible times what a horrible situation to be in. Many still feel shame decades after leaving some commit suicide. Jehovah's Witnesses literally shame someone to the point of suicide. The fog sometimes wins even after somebody is kicked out. That is how strong the fog is. [00:41:54] There's another model that called experts relate when discussing how a person becomes controlled. I'm not going to spend as much time on it but I want to put it out there as well because it's absolutely relevant. It's often seen as an abusive situation of any kind. It can be seen in relationships as well as in any kind of abuse. [00:42:15] It's called the bite model. Basically if I can control your behavior your access to information what you think how you feel. Behavior information thoughts and emotions. You are being abused by me and in a very healthy unhealthy place. And that is what Jehovah's Witnesses do. Now a lot of these things overlap. You know something that hits the bee might also hit the ER or the T or the. But a good example of all of them is found in a poem that I'm going to read you that made the rounds among Jehovah's Witnesses. In fact I was once taught a form of Jehovah's Witnesses when I discovered this and I was the only person to object to it. I was I was still in but I was waking up and I was just absolutely dumbfounded when I read this. But this is indicative of the culture of Jehovah's Witnesses how they see other people. [00:43:19] All right it's called marrying out of the truth. He or she doesn't love Jehovah. So this is about this is a warning about a person in the congregation who would meet someone who's not a witness and get married to them. This is how they see the world this is this is a good microcosm of things. Marrying out of the truth doesn't set you free. I'd like to tell you a story about true love at last. It's very informative and has an interesting cast. So pay close attention. Sad but true. And don't ever think this can't happen to you. I met him during lunch break on a sunny day. He sat next to me and smiled as I was about to pray. We talked on and on. He was such a gentleman. I wish this moment would never end. But then it came to be the end of my lunch hour. I'll tell you when he stood up he looked just like our we met again and again our souls began to cling. I pondered in my mind is this the real thing. He doesn't smoke or drink or gamble away his money. He doesn't do drugs or things like that and he's nobody's honey. Let's face it he's fine and he's got a really great bod. The only thing that's missing is he doesn't serve Jehovah God. I'll just give him a chance he'll change in time. I don't mind being his. If he'd like to be mine my friends tried to warn me. I didn't listen or care. [00:44:47] Little did I know my life would be one of despair. The wedding was fine. The judge married us in the fall. You see I couldn't have a wedding in a Kingdom Hall. My dad. No. He didn't give me away with the pain in his heart. He didn't have much to say. Mom listens to me. Please don't cry and whine don't worry about us. We'll be just fine. I've got a good man and he has a good job. The only thing is he doesn't serve Jehovah God. Everything is going fine. But recently at night when it's time for the meeting we just fuss and fight he says Who is this God breaking us apart. Don't go tonight dear. Please follow your heart. So I listen and stay to keep peace at home. But now often times I feel so all alone. I don't associate with the friends much at all to keep peace at home. I don't go to the whole service meetings. All that is history today. I decorate at my first holiday tree. The holiday celebrations are now part of my life. You see I must obey my husband for I am his wife. The brothers would call. I wouldn't answer the door. I don't read the magazines. Reading is such a bore. Marrying out of the truth really set you free free from Jehovah's love that once was in me. I just got the news I'm having a little one. I can hardly wait to tell my dear hon. He was in a bad mood. He lost his job that day. [00:46:17] He told me as he hit me that's just one more bill to pay. Then he apologized. I'm sorry please forgive me dear. You see I've heard those words more often than I'd like to hear. I have two jobs now I must support my household. My husband says he'll find work but now that's getting old. I'm tired I'm stressed. I'm feeling very strange. My schedule at both jobs. I'll have to rearrange. I should be very happy. The baby is due any day. Things just have to get better somehow some way. I'm married to this man for better or for worse. The only problem is he doesn't put Jehovah first. The baby came today. She's so little and so light. She's not crying or making noise. Something's just not right. What could be wrong. I thought aloud as I lay in bed in came the doctor looking sad and then he shook his head Mrs. unbeliever's said there's something I must confess. You and the baby tested positive to the new HIV test. I started crying. I couldn't believe the words the doctor said to know that in a very short time my child and I'd be dead. Listen to me. All of you. I'm telling you to your face. To marry an unbeliever is a total disgrace to Jehovah our loving Father who provides for his sheep. That's why he sets the guidelines for us to hold and to keep wait on Jehovah and his due time he'll set things straight. Be patient and he'll give you a theocratic mate one who loves Jehovah and you know that he'll do right. [00:47:53] One who will be there with you when it comes to meeting night. A worldly man has nothing to offer really nothing at all but in happiness sadness sorrow and a very serious fall. So why is my sister. And please don't try to rush things. Wait patiently on Jehovah and accept the blessings he brings don't look to worldly men as mates at your job or at the mall remember brothers that serve Jehovah or at the Kingdom Hall Wow that was a rough read. [00:48:28] I hope I did it justice. So do you see the bite model there the behavior control the information control. You know here here's here's how you should behave. Don't marry unbelievers. Information control can be seen and that they are telling you how these people are who are on the outside. And then of course start an emotional control they're painting a picture of this man outside the cult as a wife beater with HIV who is going to treat cheat on her. This is given as an example of what's out there in the world apart from the cult. I thought I go ahead and give some snippets of other things that fell into the model and were a part of our daily lives as Jehovah's Witnesses. I'm sure listeners that were in it can relate and can probably add their own. I learned to trust no one outside the congregation. I learned that keeping the congregation clean was paramount and that I had to be judgmental jerk and I wanted to do so. I learned to look to the organization for what was right and wrong. And so there are publications for help on life's decisions regarding everything from employment to what games I should play. I learned the art of cognitive dissonance and how to shove back my doubts through thought stopping techniques such as the following. Well everything else they've told me is true. So this must be. And who am I to run ahead of Jehovah. [00:50:00] There must be a reason for this. [00:50:04] I learned the good things in life were blessings from Jehovah that had little to do with me but bad things. Those are my fault. I learned that education isn't important unless it comes from the organization. I learned to be different and proud of it to the point where I felt special in a twisted way. I look down on outsiders I'm not proud of that. I learned that ultimately everything in life came back to serving the organization. Recreation was OK because it recharged our batteries so that we could serve more whole heartedly. I learned that this is the worst time in human history and that things are more urgent now than ever. Through twisted facts and stories I've since learned that I'd rather live now as opposed to oh I don't know like ending up in a Roman Coliseum or at some point in the crusades or like living and suffering from some awful plague. But I digress. I learned that my clothes should make me blend into a crowd never standing out or detracting from the message which was the most important thing I learned that facial hair was allowed only as long as it was a mustache and at the ends of the moustache must not descend past the lower corners of my mouth. I learned that tattoos were bad. I learned that a sister wearing a large shiny pretty brooch on stage was bad because that was attracting unnecessary attention to her. [00:51:29] I actually heard that counsel from the platform before I learned that a person wouldn't want to put their arm around the person that they were dating at the Kingdom Hall because you might make a single person without a mate feel bad. I learned that getting married in and of itself is a bad idea. Unless of course you absolutely had to in order to express her urges because you could do more for the organization if you weren't married. I learned that having kids in this world was probably an unnecessary burden because if the end came and persecution with those children those kids are going to be a liability. I learned to rejoice on some level when catastrophe struck such as a natural disaster because it was a sign of the times and proved that our deliverance was near. I learned that when any news came out that was negative about Jehovah's Witnesses I was to avoid it because it was nothing more than say Tanak lies. Of course if positive media came out I was to take that in and see how wonderful the organization was. Satan only lies on one side of things. I learned that I should be friends with or associate with only people that thought and believed and felt exactly as I did. Nobody builds narcissists quite like Jehovah's Witnesses. I learned that wishing someone good luck was bad as well saying bless you after a sneeze. Both had spirit cystic origins. I learned not to say you too when someone wished me a Merry Christmas at a store I couldn't say Merry Christmas back. But even saying you two was basically saying Merry Christmas. So I learned to say thank you. It's so ridiculous. [00:53:12] I learned that dating was only for the purpose of marriage and that what really mattered in a mate was finding someone spiritual someone that went to all the meetings and studied their Watchtower magazine and that commented at meetings. I learned that those were the important things in a married life. On the other side I learned that divorce was only acceptable on the grounds of adultery one could be separated for something like severe abuse but that's about it. If a couple divorced and it wasn't for adultery neither was free to remarry. And so the other admitted to having sex with someone else or marry them thus breaking the original marriage. Failure to comply could lead to disfellowshipping either and that the Internet was dangerous. Could tell ridiculous things like just typing the letter P into the search bar. Could flood your computer with pornography. There is such technological idiots since learned that the Internet is now just fine so long as you go to their Internet their official Web site says they now have one and consume all the entertainment videos that they now provide. I learned that televangelists as such were all evil. But now that Jehovah's Witnesses have their own J.W. Broadcasting Channel I've learned that such things are OK after all. I learned that dinosaur bones were put there by the devil to throw off seekers of truth from finding God because the Bible doesn't say anything about dinosaurs. On that note I learned that carbon dating is completely flawed and that evolution is as well. Ultimately I learned to be a horrible and ignorant human being. Lacking any empathy and in the end I hated myself. You have just received a master class on how to control manipulate dominate and destroy the lives of others. [00:55:06] You can start your own code if you wish. I don't recommend it though. I think eventually you believe your own garbage and just get as wrapped up in it as the people you victimize. That's what I see in the leadership of the organization of Jehovah's Witnesses today. Next week I'm going to get into how all of these things specifically inform my life as one of Jehovah's Witnesses from the time my parents started studying and into adulthood and married life and add more of my story into it. You'll see how I went from a young Jehovah's Witness to the year of 2008 when yet another strange moment started changing my entire life. This time for the better and toward a healthy course. [00:55:49] So I really do appreciate you listening. If you like this or think that it might help somebody else please subscribe so that you can get each episode as they come out and tell others about this. I'm putting this out into the world to be of help and it's not going to help anybody obviously. People don't spread the word. I don't have a big podcast network behind me. I don't have the cache of Leah Remini that allowed her to do a series on Scientology. I'm just a guy that lived a certain life that wants to expose what literally millions of other people around the world have gone through. There are over 8 million Jehovah's Witnesses and scores of ex Jehovah's Witnesses out there. There are millions more that have family or friends that are Jehovah's Witnesses that they might be concerned about. Take this to them so that they can see what it's like. And if nothing else maybe it just helps somebody to feel less alone. Visit my site at W.W. this J-ws life dot com if you want to discuss this further. There will be a place to comment below each episode that I put out so there can be a discussion. Ask questions give suggestions or if you want just say hi. I might answer them on another podcast or maybe have fun you know. Of course I'll engage in a discussion there but maybe there's something that can help me to even change this podcast to make it better. Remember that others are fighting things that you might not realize and give them the benefit of the doubt. [00:57:14] Love others do no harm and go be happy. [/expand]