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Deck The Hallmark

Bramble Jam Podcast Network

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You did it! You found your new favorite podcast! Congrats! Join Bran, Dan, and friends as they attempt to watch and review made-for-tv movies. Just a bunch of friends…watching made-for-tv movies. What could go wrong? Watch us EXCLUSIVELY on Philo - philo.tv/dth Listen ad-free at bramblejamplus.com Follow us - Instagram: @hallmarkpodcast Twitter: @hallmarkpodcast Facebook: Deck The Hallmark Podcast *Deck the Hallmark is NOT affiliated with Hallmark Media*
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Deck the Hallmark Podcast

Deck the Hallmark Podcast

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Every year, the Hallmark Channel delights cis-gender white people everywhere with predictable holiday movies starring thin, mildly attractive actors. While this seems like it would be a recipe for failure, Hallmark releases more and more movies each year and us white folks just gobble them up like a Christmas ham. Holiday-obsessed plus size influencer Maggie McGill reviews each new original Hallmark Channel move from now until December 25th with a fat, queer, feminist perspective.
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The movie kicks off with a great rendition of Deck the Halls that might be the new theme song for Deck the Hallmark. Cut to a woman driving in a car, giving herself a pep talk and talking to herself and her baby, whom she is pregnant with. Suddenly, she feels a sharp pain, drives into a town, and runs into a diner, saying she thinks she's going int…
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The movie starts with Mia in some sort of fantasy sequence that reminds me of a really weird fantasy romance novel. Turns out, she's just sleeping on the job. Silly Mia! Her friends wake her up and tease her for dreaming about that guy from her books again. It’s going to be a crazy week—busy, busy, busy! But if I’ve learned anything from the first …
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Rose Walsh is a home renovator who insists on being present anytime there's a showing of one of her properties. She’s interested in a cottage in Ireland and puts in an offer to a man named Sean—though her approach is unnecessarily spicy. When she arrives in Ireland, Sean recognizes her on the street and tries to talk to her, but she’s immediately w…
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Astronomy Professor Celeste is super excited about the annual Christmas Trivia Contest at Nick's Bar. It's a big deal—and not just for bragging rights. The winner gets a trophy called "The Stan," named after the best trivia competitor Nick's has ever seen. Celeste feels really good about this year because she has Richard, a two-time Jeopardy! winne…
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Join Alonso Duralde and Dave White as they dive into the magical world of Hallmark's Finding Mr. Christmas. In this bonus episode of DTH, they watch and review episode 3 of the new holiday reality show, sharing their thoughts on the guys, the challenges, and whether this show is worth your time this season.…
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Olivia, a little girl, writes a letter to Santa asking him to reveal who her one true love will be. They go to sleep and wake up the next morning to find Santa has brought her a dollhouse. Stupid Santa. She thinks, "I'm sure Santa will give me a name soon—how long could it really take?" Fast forward 25 years: Olivia is now a hotshot dealmaker who a…
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The movie kicks off in... Chicago. But if you think that the Pentatonix are only popular in New York City, you'd be incorrect. Layla is at the airport to catch a flight home to New York City, but her flight is delayed. She FaceTimes her boyfriend, Tanner, and says, "Don't worry, I'll be home before our annual Pentatonix Christmas concert." He rolls…
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We’re on a beach, which might make you think it’s not Christmas—but it is. How do we know? Well, a grandma and her granddaughter are wearing Santa hats! The grandma finds a St. Nicholas locket and explains to her granddaughter that with the name on the back of it, she’s going to work hard to find the owner. The girl, Audrey, shows Grandma a drawing…
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We enter All Wrapped Up, a shop that specializes in wrapping presents, with four employees: Mia, Olivia, Lilly, and, of course, Tina. Tina is put in charge of the Christmas gala, so she’s running around trying to gather everything needed for the event. She goes to a store, and a girl there starts snapping Polaroid pictures. The girl then hands the …
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Barbara is newly retired and really into keeping the house clean. She decides to join a Christmas committee. The meeting is supposed to start at 9:00 AM, but when she arrives, no one is there. Ten minutes later, the group leader, Cath, shows up and says, “Oh yeah, it’s a flexible 9.” The rest of the committee arrives, and they’re quite the characte…
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Chris shows up at his girlfriend Joanna's parents' house expecting to meet Joanna, but Joanna is running late. A couple of hours late, in fact. He's like, "I'll just wait on you." She's like, "Oh, they're definitely watching you from the window, so you're gonna have to go in." Just as Joanna is about to give him a piece of advice that starts with "…
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The movie kicks off with some singing—more singing in the first minute than in the entire runtime of a movie ABOUT MUSICAL THEATER! Everyone loves it. Violette's dad comes up to her afterward with an envelope full of cash from the townsfolk. They're pumped that one of their own is going to Broadway! Cut to New York, and we get MORE singing! We're a…
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The movie kicks off at the initial wedding, where Jackson is dancing with his daughter, Betty, and Betty drops a bomb—she's moving to Italy with her mom. Jackson is pretty miserable. He runs a firm that represents social media influencers, like a guy who just eats soup. One day, he gets a call from his ex asking if Betty can come and stay with him …
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Charlotte is a chocolatier who recently moved to Vienna with wild ideas, like putting potato chips into chocolate. She's at a fundraising event surrounded by many Christmas trees. Also at this event is Henry, who doesn't know much, but he knows you don't put potato chips in chocolate. Charlotte is trying hard to win Vienna's Chocolateer of the Year…
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ft. Alonso Duralde, Jacklyn Collier, Patrick Serrano, and Ryan Pappolla When a priceless antique nutcracker, set to be auctioned at the Warby family Christmas charity goes missing in an unfortunate suitcase swap, it is up to exacting event planner, Lottie Morgan and the free-spirited heir to the Warby dynasty, Tristan, to track it down, all while c…
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The movie kicks off with a mysterious situation. A blonde woman delivers a box containing Santa and a microchip. They flee together, and we discover that this is actually a TV show that a woman named Whitney watches intently while eating cereal in her PJs—just like me on Saturday mornings. Her coworker, Rachel, tries to set Whitney up on a date bec…
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The movie kicks off at a Christmas party—if you can believe it. It’s year one, and Alice walks into a room full of theater kids. It’s the wrap party for a fresh version of A Christmas Carol that Alice created. Alice is a senior in college and is happy to be finishing with a success. She’s surprised to see Max there. She goes up to the rooftop as it…
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The movie kicks off with a montage of a couple taking Christmas card pictures together over the years. It’s the McCaul family, and they are loving each other until 2023, when Kevin shows up late, and it’s clear his wife Lauren is very annoyed. Cut to the present day, and Kevin and Lauren are separated. You hate to see it; you also hate to see sober…
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To prevent her family from canceling the "Chamberlain Family Christmas Olympics," Jessie lies and says she's inviting a date to the long-standing holiday tradition. Watch on Philo! - Philo.tv/DTH PrettyLitter.com/DTH - 20% off your first order + a free cat toy!Av Deck the Hallmark Podcast
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It's [almost] the most wonderful time of the year - Hallmark Christmas Preview Show! Listen to all the Deck the Hallmark hosts as they rate the upcoming Hallmark holiday movies. This episode covers Three Wiser Men and a Boy (11/23) to Happy Howlidays (12/21) Watch on Philo! - Philo.tv/DTHAv Deck the Hallmark Podcast
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It's [almost] the most wonderful time of the year - Hallmark Christmas Preview Show! Listen to all the Deck the Hallmark hosts as they rate the upcoming Hallmark holiday movies. This episode covers 'Twas the Date Before Christmas (10/18) to Christmas on Call (11/22) Watch on Philo! - Philo.tv/DTHAv Deck the Hallmark Podcast
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Savannah, a newly fired publicist, finds a job on the river cruise as a handler for Kiss Con. She is assigned to Tripp, an actor new to the limelight. Savannah helps Tripp to adjust to the attention and Tripp helps Savannah step out of her comfort zone. Watch on Philo! - Philo.tv/DTHAv Deck the Hallmark Podcast
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