8: How to build better relationships

BE TRUE BE HAPPY BE YOURSELF WITH YUKI MIYAKI

Transcript for Ep8:

Welcome to Be True, Be Happy, Be Yourself show, I'm Yuki Miyaki. In this episode, I will be sharing with you How to build better relationship.

BE The Best Listener OF your partner

Can you listen to me? Just listen to me! Does these words sound familiar? It’s often heard in daily conversations with partners, family, colleagues, etc. However, many often do not hear the meaning of the other party, and it’s just us expressing our views. Hence, communicating starts to become difficult. We often say that we need to have the art of speaking, to learn how to speak and how to communicate, but we rarely learn to listen. Listening requires learning. The topic I want to share with you today is “Learn to be the listener of your other half.”

When I was young, one of the best times I looked forward to was when my father came back from work. He would bring us to go out to the mall for shopping or supper. I still remember those happy times, the feelings of anticipation and joy. However, on the way to the destination, my mother will always nag my father. She often gives a lot of opinions and ideas on everything he talks about. My father will then start to be silent.

At times, they may quarrel in the car which made me and my siblings felt really uncomfortable. In fact, after I got married, my husband and I were always quarreling too. In addition we are also working partners. We often have a lot of problems to solve in our work. We tend to argue a lot as we have different opinions. Recalling back on what I said to him I felt ashamed.

As I once told myself, I will never be like my mother being ignorant and expressing my views only. However, I did became such a person, ha ha! When my spouse shares his problems at work and personal problems. I can't help but express my opinions and ideas. He just wanted a person to listen to him when he is lost but he end up listening to me.

Then, gradually, he doesn’t share any his problems to me anymore. When a man does not want to share or communicate with you, we will blame them for ignoring us and that he has changed. However, it's not their fault for not sharing to us anymore, as when they are sharing we are always giving opinions more instead of listening to them. So they would rather stay silent than letting us nag them. If we were in their shoes, we wouldn’t like talking to someone like this (neither,) right?

As the communication in a relationship becomes lesser, the relationship will soon start to be distant. Learn to listen sincerely rather than expressing everything. At times all they need is a person who is there for them, who listens to their problems. We do not have to express our views on every single thing. Proper listening and response is one of the important factors for maintaining a happy and healthy relationship.

From my parents to my own marriage, I learned the importance of listening. Therefore, when communicating with the other half, learn to pay attention to these following three points:

1. Space for each other

Give them the time to talk and express themselves. At times, they just want to find someone who can be trusted, the closest people to share their moods, their troubles. They are not asking us for help or seeking for advice. In fact, they already have an idea to deal with or respond to their problems. Learn to give them space and make they will appreciate you.

2. Learn to listen, we can’t blame woman for talking a lot, or responding eagerly. As that's a type of care, an act of love and caring about the other half, because we want to help them to solve problems. However, we can learn listen quietly as the other party is talking (pause)Once they are done, we can ask them gently: "Can I do something for you?"

3. Don't judge

Sometimes simply listening, will evolve into a quarrel. The reason behind this is because we often give too many judgments and opinion our partner they are wrong and that we are correct. During the communication do not judge, listen to what our partner is expressing patiently, and then give appropriate responses. It’s just that easy!

God gave us a mouth and a pair of ears for a reason. In fact, he want us to listen more and than to talk every day. Learning to listen does not mean that you can’t express yourself but that you have to listen patiently and respond only when needed, instead of giving a bunch of opinions. Study and listen carefully, and gradually you will find that your husband will like to talking to you, because you have a very good communication method and space for each other, and the relationship will naturally be closer. The relationship between you and your husband will be better and sweeter.

I hope that through my story sharing, you can get more inspiration, gifts of life, and start to create your happy and healthy relationship

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I look forward to seeing you in my next episode where I will be sharing with you more stories about my life and how you can Be True, Be Happy and Be Yourself !

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