Their Past is an Accurate Predictor of Your Future Together

Romancipation

S3 Episode 9: Their Past is an Accurate Predictor of Your Future Together

Episode Summary

The more things change, the more they stay the same. This is true in relationships. Just because you have a new relationship does not mean your behavior patterns will change. The same is true for your partner. If you want to get a sense of what your relationship will look like, just look at their past relationships.
You can inquire about why a past relationship ended but the person telling you the details is probably not the most accurate reporter. Remember they are recounting the trials and tribulations of their past relationships through their own biased lens. In most cases, people will blame their ex-partners for the downfall of the relationship.
If you are fortunate enough to be with a person who takes personal responsibility and accountability for relationship failures, it is a positive sign, but it does not mean that they have learned from those mis-steps or are willing to alter their behavior. Even if the individual claims they have seen the light and made changes, you will need proof in the form of behaviors that support their claims.
At the end of each episode, Marlee and Lis vent about commonly experienced issues in romantic relationships. In this episode, the ladies discuss how unfair it is when a partner expects you to read their mind.

Show Notes

You know that phrase “a leopard doesn’t change its spots”? It’s true. So many people want to believe past relationships didn’t work out or issues took place on part of the other party. The reality is your partner has ownership over what happened in their past relationship, and that same behavior is likely to be repeated in your relationship together.
If your partner cheated, manipulated, or abused their last partner, they will probably do all the same to you unless they are in therapy actively working on their issues. The problem is most people don’t want to own their behavior. When people describe their past partners in a negative way, it’s a red flag.
Behavior is better proof of intention than words are. Someone telling you what they will do is different from what they actually show you through their actions. People can evolve, but usually it’s after suffering difficult circumstances or consequences to their behavior. People don’t just naturally change from one relationship to the next.
If you want a peek into how a new partner is likely to treat you, it’s as simple as looking at how they treat their family and friends. You can also consider how they treat service workers and coworkers. If disrespectful patterns of behavior arise, there’s a good chance that will come back on you.
In this episode, the vent session topic is: When people think their partner should be able to read their mind. Expecting your partner to know what you think all the time is unfair. It’s not possible, no matter how long you’ve been together. It's immature behavior and makes it impossible for your partner to do right in your eyes.
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