Episode 69: Anxiety on the rise! Does your kid or teen struggle with it?

The Be THAT Mom Movement Podcast: Protecting kids in a digital world

Anxiety is a normal response to stress, but its prevalence among kids & teens continues to rise. Listen in for tips to help you recognize & navigate it!

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Full Transcription:

Speaker 1 (00:00):

Anxiety in teens and kids is on the rise. And it's no wonder, right? Because of all of this stuff that has gone on over the past year and a half, if you are listening to this at the time of my recording, which is in 2021, but this is something that is a very prevalent issue that can have lifelong effects if we don't face it, head on. So that is what we're going to talk about today.

Speaker 2 (00:25):

Welcome to your source for tips, tools, and support to help you be that mom that is tuned in and proactive for yourself, your family, and for the wild ride of raising kids in this digital age, inspired by a mother's love with a relatable real life. Proud to be that mom flair. This is the bead that mom movement with your host, Dolly Denson,

Speaker 1 (00:50):

Needing a way to stay in touch with your kiddo, but don't quite want to give them a phone yet, check out the tick talk, watch it is the best way to stay connected with your kid while keeping them safe and knowing exactly where they are. It includes streaming music has an activity. Tracker has parental controls. You can text, you can call between each other and you can set up a place where, you know, if they go outside of a certain perimeter, such as their school or your neighborhood, check them out today and use code, be that mom for a discount. So before we get started today, I just want to give you a heads up on a couple of things, because I've had a couple people questioning me about this. And I have tried to correct some of my recordings where I talk about it, but in case you have missed it for the pinwheel phone, my code changed a couple of months back.

Speaker 1 (01:42):

And it's B that mom dash T E N 10. So if you're interested in getting your kiddo a pinwheel phone, you can use that code to get a discount. And then for the bark app and the Tik TOK watch and the gab phone, my code has not changed and it's still be that mom altogether. One word. Okay. Okay. So before we get started, I just have to tell you this. So a couple of months back, sorry, I didn't silence something. So something's dinging, sorry about that. But a couple months back, I was uploading a podcast and was having some trouble or something. Somehow I uploaded one of my podcasts to my, like my iTunes store on my phone. So it shows up like in my list of music and it popped up the other day as I was listening to music. So I was driving.

Speaker 1 (02:29):

And so I listened to the podcast just to, you know, hear what I had to say. And, you know, since it was a couple months back, I thought, well, let me see if I've improved on some of the things. And I was just amazed at how much I kind of was repetitive with a few things and went on and on and on about a few things. And, you know, kind of feel like a little bit embarrassed about that, but also pat myself on the back for putting myself out there anyway. Right. So I just wanted to say that I appreciate you. I am appreciative that you show up and you listen to this, that you've given me support and that you, me, as I am my imperfect self and that I am not a pro in any way in this broadcasting out to the world, but I am a mom that had challenges put upon my heart that I never expected.

Speaker 1 (03:10):

I would have to face as a parent. And I feel like I have a somewhat unique experience in that my kids is ages fell to where initially didn't have to deal with the digital things. And then we very much had to. And so I've seen the effect on my children across the age spans that they are. And so it's just something that was placed upon me as a challenge. And I come here regularly to just share what I learned because I'm passionate about helping other parents. And I do believe that this digital age is a new, has like put a new realm of parenting on our shoulders and it is something that we cannot ignore. So I just want to thank you for showing up and listening to my podcast if it's your first time, or if you've listened since the beginning. Thank you so much.

Speaker 1 (03:57):

Thank you for accepting my imperfections. And I do my best to bring you quality information and the things that are at the forefront of what we are dealing with on a daily basis. So I hope that you find it helpful, and I would love to hear from you if you do, or if you have suggestions on topics or if you want to share with me your own story of how you have overcome a struggle in relation to this. I know that it's just something that is absolutely something we can't ignore, but a lot of parents do. And so my mission is to get this into the ears of more people, to where being that mom becomes the norm, instead of us feeling like we are singling out our kids and they're somehow going to be missing out on things or made fun of or anything like that.

Speaker 1 (04:39):

So anyways, just wanted to say thank you for showing up and to giving support of this podcast and all of the things. Okay. So anxiety is something I wanted to bring this up and talk about this because I've seen this kind of a spike or elevate among the teen and young adult generations in, especially over the last year and a half. I think that it's been perpetuated by our situation that we've had in the world. If you're listening to this in real time, when I publish it, I'm recording it in 2021. So I'm speaking of the last year and a half since 2020, when we have had the pandemic and all of the things that have gone on since then. So I want to talk about some reasons why I believe that anxiety is an issue in teens and that we need to address it.

Speaker 1 (05:25):

And then I'm going to give you some thinking points on things that you can do and implement with your own family and your kids so that you can help them to manage this and to cope. Okay. So I think anxiety is a normal reaction to stress. Oh, and before I get further into this, another side note is I am speaking as a mom who has witnessed this in my own kids and dealt with it myself. I am in no way, an expert, I am not offering medical advice. I am just giving you a place to start in exploring this for yourself. If you feel like is a very much huge issue in your kid's life, please don't hesitate to reach out and seek professional help as someone who has education and a background in treating this, you know, seeking help is not a bad thing.

Speaker 1 (06:09):

And I think it's kind of stigmatized, but seek help if you need to. But what I'm sharing with you today are just a few points that I have found helpful, and that I think that are good things for all of us to explore with our own families. Okay. So anxiety, like I said, is a normal reaction to stress. There's nothing wrong with having anxiety when we are dealing with a new situation or, you know, something that's going on in our lives, it spans across all demographics. I don't think that it is unique to any specific demographic or age or anything like that. It's just a normal thing that we have at when we were kids. You know, if you're old enough to be listened to this because you have kids then, and you likely grew up and in it less digital age. Right. And I think things were different for us.

Speaker 1 (06:54):

Like they were the same, but they were different. And so let's talk about a few things that I think have made this kind of more of a, a big problem for our kids than it was for us. The first one, I believe is higher expectations and more pressure to succeed in the noisiness of all of the other things of life right now. And, you know, like standardized test the test that you take to get into college. I know when I took the sat and act, I had to take them, you know, you likely had to take those to get into college. I felt like a complete dummy when I took those tests, honestly had to go back and study like vocabulary and different things just to get my test score up higher. But I think the standardized tests that our kids take in regular school in the regular school year have become harder.

Speaker 1 (07:37):

There's more pressure and more wheat put on those tests. And then there's just so much distraction in the world, which makes it harder for them to focus on those things. The second thing is there's a lot of uncertainty in the world. There's a lot of change going on in the world, especially the last year and a half. I don't know how much you're aware your kids are aware of all of the things going on. I think there's different levels of awareness there, but in general, the uncertainty and the division and all of the things around the masks in, in the shot and all of the different things that are out there, there's a lot of uncertainty. There's a lot of disagreement, a lot of divisions. So I think that is putting more anxiety on all of us, but as adults, we have more coping mechanisms usually than our children do.

Speaker 1 (08:21):

And then the third thing is social media, the pressure of social media, like there's absolutely pressure in social media. It is not just about being social as adults. We feel it right. You feel it in, you want to like, look as good as the other family, you know, have the, the big vacations and all of the things. There's that comparison thing. That's just natural for us as human beings to compare and feel like we're less than. So I think that is pronounced in children when they're on social media, because they're still kind of developing their sense of self. And the pressure just is, is bigger and larger in their lives than it is if you were older. And then the fourth thing is that I believe that anxiety is perpetuated by the interconnectedness of our digital world. You know, the not being able to disconnect, always being connected to something, being tracked by parents on life 360.

Speaker 1 (09:15):

I mean, I don't track my kids, but we have life 360. So I can just see where they are, what I need to know where they are. Right? All of those things of the digital world, where you are connected to everything. I think perpetuates it too. I believe that anxiety that is not recognized or is not treated is what leads to depression, what leads to substance use and abuse. And ultimately it can lead to suicide. And suicide has gone up in our world in the last year and a half as well. So this is definitely something to think about and explore with your kiddos. So now what I want to do is just give you some thinking points and some things, some places for you to start to make sure that you are addressing this in your family as well. So the first thing would be to be aware of the signs signs in your children.

Speaker 1 (10:08):

So them being more fearful, expressing more worries about, you know, going to a party, you know, doing the different social things that are just normal childhood things. If they show more worrier or fear about that, and what goes along with that too, would be to not continually expose them to the fear related information that is put out into the world, such as the news and news sites on the internet and those types of things. So being aware of what they are exposed to on social media, on the internet and those types of things, if they are avoiding social situations, they normally would be okay with, if they're having a drop in grades, if they're just isolated more, they're happy with staying in their room, which might be a normal teenage thing too, but they're more isolated and don't want to get out of that isolation.

Speaker 1 (10:58):

If they have a change in their behavior, their demeanor, they used to smile and laugh with you. And now they suddenly don't. And that also, I think, is a normal part of like the middle school, early high school age is for them to do that as they're becoming more self-aware and you know, their hormones are changing. They're going through puberty. They start thinking, oh, maybe my parent doesn't know everything. And then they start saying that, you know, nothing. And as you can see, I have been through this three times. So I've seen that pattern and I do think it's a normal part of growing up, but also something to be aware of and make sure that it's not going too far into, you know, being isolated. And then another sign would be physical complaints. And I think that spans across all ages. And since we were kids in terms of like a stomach ache or, you know, different things that they complain about, they can't go do this or that because of something or other that, you know, they're feeling.

Speaker 1 (11:51):

So those are some of the signs that you may notice. I'm sure there's others, but just kind of be aware and look for some of those signs and really some of the problem with all of the stuff around anxiety is that a lot of these, like I said, can be normal childhood development things. So the next thing would be to talk with your child, to talk to them about these things that you're noticing that they're expressing or that they're doing with their behaviors and such to see if they're okay, check in with them and make sure that you're a safe place to land. That's like no judgment. Like you're a no judgment zone. You were here to help them. You were their guide through their childhood years, whether they like it or not. And so check in with them and see what's going on with them.

Speaker 1 (12:31):

Just be point blank. You know, you're concerned about them. You know, there's a lot of heavy things going on in the world, where are you at with these things? You know, that type of thing. If you don't have that sort of relationship with your kid, just start working on that. It is easy for that to slip away when they're always pushing back on you, but just push back on that because it will be worth it in the end and then encourage healthy ways of coping. You know, so instead of going and being isolated in their rooms, getting out and moving their body, some form of exercise, a healthy diet, eating fruits and vegetables, drinking, water, getting good sleep, having a routine around sleep, have a routine around waking up. If you're into like reflection, meditation, reading for personal growth, encourage those things. If you're not into those things, I highly recommend those for you too.

Speaker 1 (13:21):

But you know, encouraging all of those things as healthy ways of coping and really talk to them about coping mechanisms. And, you know, if you're a person that's like, I'm going to go get a drink because you know, this is just too stressful while I do that. Sometimes like when I was doing my taxes the other day, I certainly got myself a little mixed drink just because I was getting stressed, but that's not necessarily a healthy way of coping. So, you know, having your own self-awareness around what you do to cope in trying to make that a healthy thing for all of y'all, you know, not that you can't do that sometimes, but that shouldn't always be the thing, at least in my opinion, that shouldn't always be the thing that we go to, to cope. I do find that I'm more balanced if I exercise or move my body in some way every day.

Speaker 1 (14:02):

So modeling that behavior and then encouraging them to do something similar to that. Also be mindful of the expectations you have for them. When I was a kid, the expectation that my mom always told us was you need to have A's or B's on your report card. Right. And that was totally fine. That was realistic for when I was a kid, but now at least like where my kids have gone to school, the way they grade things is different. I don't necessarily agree with how they grade things, but it's like, it's harder to achieve the higher grades. It's like, it's almost like things are pushed down a little bit and they're not rewarded as much for what they do. I don't know. That's probably not a really accurate way to say that, but I had to move myself away from the expectation of the grades and look more bigger picture as to how they were doing in school and what they were learning and what they were doing in their life and types of things.

Speaker 1 (14:51):

So be mindful of the expectations you have for them, make sure that there's something realistic and, you know, just encourage them in a realistic way to reach for more, to do well in the things that they do, you know, that type of stuff. Another thing would be to disconnect from the world like disconnect. If you think about it with our phones, with smartwatches, with our computers, even like our refrigerator can have wifi. Now, the wifi in our house, there's the Alexa machines and the echos and all of those different things. There's so many ways to stay connected to the world. And sometimes we just have to disconnect. If you are able to do something where you're outside in the sunshine, being active, being something together and doing something together in nature, those types of things encourage a regular disconnect like every weekend or at a certain time of each day, where you were disconnected from all the other things, taking that pressure of the world away to just be within, you know, your own self and your own family.

Speaker 1 (15:55):

Another thing would be to talk to them about social media illusions, you know, social media is an illusion. Talk to them about that, let them know. And they were probably aware of this, but just for you to reiterate that it's a fake world on social media, you know, pictures are edited. Blemishes are removed, wastes are made smaller, all kinds of things can be done with pictures, just like predators can take a picture and make it look like a kid. When they're actually an adult. There are so many things that can be done with the pictures. Talk to them about that and reiterate that they are enough how they are exactly how they are. They do not have to be like that girl, you know, in this show or that they see on social media. And the number of likes that they get on pictures is not something that determines their worth, that type of stuff.

Speaker 1 (16:43):

Social media creates so much illusion and so much of the feeling of not enough. So if you do allow them on social media, definitely talk to them about those things so that they are not walking around feeling like they are inadequate every day and then encourage social situations. So that means get them out of the house, get them doing stuff with people face to face, put the phones away, you know, like having friends over and everybody's sitting on their phone, that's not really being social, you know, so encouraging social situations where they are out and they are doing normal childhood things. I was telling my husband the other day that I feel like all the digital things, the gaming, the smart phones, all of the things where the kids get absorbed in that, because it's fun, right? Like it's fun to play games. We play games when we were kids.

Speaker 1 (17:31):

It just wasn't as addictive. And it didn't suck you in as much. It wasn't so realistic, like real life. But I feel like all of the digital things almost, and I've said this in another podcast, they distract our kids from them, discovering who they really are. They basically are hindering their childhood development to where maybe they never find their true interests. Maybe they are taken so off course that they don't go through the normal childhood discovery and they never discover what they are really meant to be. Does that not take your breath away to think that like how crazy is that, that these digital things could zap in Rob our kids of their childhood? So while I'm not saying completely disconnect from the things there has to be boundaries around what they use when they use it, where they use it. And when you can put those boundaries in place, then they are still allowed to do normal childhood things.

Speaker 1 (18:29):

Boredom is okay, boredom creates creativity, right? So let them be bored. Let them discover ways to entertain themselves, let them be creative, let them play outside in the dirt, let them ride their bikes, you know, shoot hoops, do all the things that we did as kids, because that is where they learn who they are. And they learn that there are enough and that they are capable and they're smart and all of the things, right? So put boundaries around the digital things and encourage social situations where they have to be face-to-face and side-by-side with other people without being digitally connected. And then finally, like I said, at the beginning, if you feel like it has become more than what you can handle, if you feel like you need an outside perspective or, you know, just someone else that can come and talk to your child, seek outside help.

Speaker 1 (19:19):

There's no shame in that. We have done that with our own family. And I know many families that have done that as well. Sometimes it just takes the outside perspective of someone else to come in to help you kind of get a grasp on what you have going on, because it absolutely is so overwhelming raising kids in our digital age. And so it's just, there's no shame in asking for outside help if you need it. Okay. And I think that like, if I think back to my childhood and my teenage years, I did have a lot of anxiety too. So my guess is you probably did too. But the difference now is number one more isolation because of all of the things that have happened in the last year and a half since 2020. And so that's naturally made everybody more isolated and then they have more ways to kind of defer or divert facing these things, head on, you know, encouraging them to get out and get a job and things like that is something that can help them to work through it too.

Speaker 1 (20:20):

But I just feel like by them being able to, I can't talk by them being able to connect through texting versus talking, being able to connect through things on social media versus talking like talking on the phone, I think has kind of funneled our kids into being more isolated and not being as social. And so we need to encourage them to still talk to people, talk to them on the phone, have face-to-face interactions as we move past all of the stuff around that pandemic. And we're out into the world more, depending on where you live, we need to get back to being social and doing things together because they can get creates a, um, a stigma and a feeling of isolation and then almost an anxiety around having to be talking to people and things like that. And I know for me, I personally like if I'm texting someone and then they call me, like, I've just texted them.

Speaker 1 (21:15):

And then they called me, I'm like, dang it. Like, I didn't say call me. I was okay with texting, but I don't feel like talking, you know, I think we all kind of do that. Right. Or maybe I'm the only one, but I think it's natural for us to go towards the isolation type. You know, the less social, maybe depending on our personality, maybe I'm just more introverted, but I think it's kind of a natural thing, but I think we have to push past that. What I was saying when I got kind of sidetracked just a second ago, was that as kids and as we were growing up, we didn't have all of these digital things to stay connected. So whether you were nervous or not, you still face your fears and you still did it because otherwise you didn't live. Right. So we pushed past those things because that's how life was.

Speaker 1 (21:57):

And that's how we communicated with each other. So the convenience of all the digital things and not having to talk to people directly or call them on the phone is something that creates this feeling of isolation, which funnels into the social anxiety and the whole situation whoops, around the anxiety. So I hope this was helpful for you in these were some good thinking points for you to move forward with your family. I don't think that it is abnormal to have anxiety at all, but we do have to encourage them to work through those fears and those worries and all of the things and make sure that they are still developing that character strength of being able to be social and talk to other people and push past it when they have anxiety. Okay. Again, I hope you found this helpful and I'll chat with you next time.

Speaker 2 (22:44):

Thanks for tuning in being that mom isn't easy, but together we can be that mom's strong. Don't forget to leave a review, connect on social and join. Dolly's free community till next time. Hey,

Speaker 3 (22:58):

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