5 Minutes with Mel #6: I fell hard

The Full Life Podcast with Melanie Lynam

In 2018 I had my third baby, Mila Grace. She was beautiful, she slept well, fed well, had a gorgeous smile and because she was my third I felt fairly confident that I knew what I was doing. Now something that you need to know about her name is that Mila means ‘Gracious’ so essentially her name is “Gracious grace” and I think about that scripture that says that God gives us grace upon grace. I totally believe that God knew what he was doing when he helped us to come up with that name because oh my goodness we need a lot of grace for this child but I want to talk to you about that year. Because that year I fell into a deep dark hole and I felt like I was drowning. I had no idea how I had come this place and no idea how to get out.

No, I don’t think that I had post natal depression because my symptoms didn’t match. But I will say that I had plenty of symptoms of anxiety. I was in this paradox loving having a baby, just enjoying her so much but feeling so very overwhelmed and out of control. I felt like I could never catch up on the laundry, the house was so messy, I was worried about finances, there was a family drama happening, I was sleep deprived, and I realised that my thoughts were going to a very unhealthy place.
There was this one day that I was at the shops with my 3 girls who at the time were about 4, 2 and 5 months old. I had just gone to the toilet and come out and my 4 year old announced that she needed to go to the toilet. “Why didn’t you go when we were in there?” I snapped at her, made a big deal about it, turned around and went back into the toilets. While I waited for her I looked at 2 year old Eva and had 2 simultaneous thoughts. The first was “She has such beautiful eyes” and the 2nd thought was, “I don’t deserve to be their mother.” I felt guilty and I felt trapped.

So I asked for help. I called up a friend who has been diagnosed with anxiety and has had to live with it for years. We sat down, I was honest and vulnerable, I told her I was struggling and she gave me great advice about putting together a weekly schedule and planning out everything that needed to be done like groceries and laundry and meal plans. Oh my goodness did that help me!

I sat down with a friend who has 4 teenage children and asked her for advice on how to get by.
I told the girls in my weekly Church connect group that I was struggling.

I saw a Psychologist.
Slowly, I was able to get myself out of that dark hole but I could not have done that alone. Friend, I want to say that you do not have to have it together all the time. And it is ok to admit to someone when you do not. We are not meant to do life alone, or covering up our struggles. That’s why we have friends and family. If you need help, please reach out to someone and ask for help. If I had not reached out for help I really think I could have ended up having a nervous breakdown - a genuine medical one. Friends and family are gifts from God. They are meant to be utilised and called on for advice, wisdom, a shoulder to cry on, prayer, meals, baby sitting, washing. We are meant to ask for help, it’s a very healthy thing to do.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

“Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labour: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.”

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