S3 Ep10 Does Your No Stick?

The Holy F*ck Podcast

Whether the bedroom or the boardroom do you hold true to your “no” when the pressure is on?

1.05- What’s Kat got cooking? That moment when a friend calls and you think everything’s okay and then, blah-Cartwheels out of her mouth. Cranky, life doesn’t fit. Couldn’t put her finger on it. Everything felt uncomfortable.

2.07- frustration around trying to create boundaries to take care of self. Boundaries within herself, not with someone else. 3.08- had a hard time holding her boundaries with a friend and then she just caved. How do you respond? Say okay? Bring it up in the moment, “did you NOT hear me say NO?”

4.14- oh tricky spot of people please /sacrificing. Kat was on the edge. The edge was when the person came back, even though she said no, and disregarded her no.

5.26- what if it was Man who doesn’t deserve a name? Rico Suave? Kris said no to both of them and yet they still reach out every couple months. Such a NO, don’t bother. Old Krista would have ppl please- indulge conversation, be nice. Is the universe testing her? Still keeps saying.

6.53- Alison Armstrong- sometimes have to up the pressure you bring. Nothing to do with anyone else. Is my NO really solid. Universe saying, are you really going to take care of yourself? No prob saying no to something/someone she doesn’t want to engage in.

8.01- How clear is your NO? Women get steamrolled over in the sweetness of saying No. How to turn that into a stronger, more powerful No. so that person gets it.

8.26 not coming off forceful or like an angry bitch. Can you stand in your power?

9.22- aa. Stand in the center of ourselves and come from a place with a deeper sense of self-commitment, that’s the pressure.

If the boundary was strong enough, Pressure wouldn’t push on us. More of a soft boundary.

10.11- wobble in our NO, then it turns to maybe Yes.

10.36- moment you can feel when the energy changes inside of you.

11.16- not talking about sex, though we know at one point or another we’ve all said no in the bedroom and didn’t mean it.

11.30 Landmark- whatever you do in one part of your life is what you do everywhere. Looking at it through the lens of self-empowerment through our No.

11.57- felt like a doormat all week. Gave her no away, a power leakage.

12.33- people don’t actually hear you’re serious the first time because they're self-serving. But if your boundary is really solid, it goes back as an echo. When we’re smooshy and permeable, it doesn’t have the force to receive it as a clear no. Receive it as a maybe and still get their way.

14.16- Should I sacrifice myself for THIS? Are you saying no to things that you’re not serious about? When you cave, you’re telling yourself that your needs are less important than other people in your life.

15.29- Why is that? Especially if it shows up in many areas of your life? 16.12- what is it underneath? Why is this happening? Somewhere inside of her telling her the story that she doesn’t need to take care of herself as much as she’s trying to take care of someone else.

17.07-bottom line- devaluing our own self/needs/wants. Become perpetrator to self.

17.53- not going back into regret, what could Kat have done differently? Perplexed.

18.38- in theory, No means No but in reality sometimes you need to explain why.

19.47- Kat had 5 situations- moment of choice when she says No, she wobbles.

20.18- willing to let her need to do a good job for clients for not being solid in her No.

21.17- consequence is her whole life shuts down. Way we tell ourselves these things really matters.

22.34- Then there’s the person trying to get their yes, what can you do to heal the pattern? Where did you push someone to get your way and say yes? Where am I doing this in my own life

23.38- ooh tell me more. Kat realized she was manipulating herself. Invalidated her no, convinced herself why she didn’t need the boundary. No one can do it to you without your permission.

25.03- when we do this to other people, we lose as well. Do this in relationship negotiations so everyone gets needs met.

26.11- Women are wired to please, instinctually for survival. But when you’re trying to live into a divine life, you can’t continue to give yourself up to people who have an agenda. Leaves you with a life of lack.

27.24- Kat went back to “fix” and take her power back.

27.58- don’t worry, you can martyr me. Started with some loss of confidence within her.

Katie Hendricks- will often say, what happened just before? Where did you take a little self-esteem hit?

29.33- in any new relationship, always pushing up against someone’s edges. Minute you say yes when you mean no, other person notices when they can get their way. It snowballs from there. 1. You’re gonna lose the partnership one way or another. 2. Lose yourself, stay in position, building a lifetime of martyrdom with someone who knows they can get their way.

Until you speak your truth and walk out one day.

30.49- is relationship/job worth it when they take advantage of you or you allowed them to take advantage>

31.42- most humbling part of it all is realization that she did it to herself. 31.58 Gave up everything even though it wouldn’t work for her.

32.17- you have a moment to go back and course-correct. Don’t be afraid to go and undo the situation or feel hopeless. Suck it up to learning lessons.

33.06- won’t be resentful but grateful for the lesson to learn to not do it again.

33.45- when you hold for yourself, the next opportunity meets you where you are. Get confused in the indecision- supposed to happen to me or that’s my healing (happens often in the spiritual realm). Surrender to spirit’s plan. Happened five times! Moved from personal to business situations. Little hiccups when stakes are low and outcomes are manageable. AS opposed to what would happen in the business situation with financial repercussions.

35.08- Message of spirit: Every single one of us is as valuable as the other. Non-negotiable.

36.47- Suggesting that you are clear on what you need first. Was your No heard? How many times did you have to say it before it’s heard? How good is your No skill?

37.08- Are you the Wall or are you Permeable? Doesn’t have to be a mean wall. Season for everything. Time for discussion. Time for permeability. 37.44- what are you bargaining yourself away for? Tune into the nuances of the no. why would you give up your No, once you’ve said no? You know better when you know better. Holding the line to hold the line or to prove a point but could maybe switch things

38.16- pay attention to when you say no, mean no, and still give it up.

Inviting you to have a stronger, clearer, more depth in your NO.

When it comes from a loving place, no resentment, sliding into yes later.

38.38- In saying a nice clear no, you’re getting better at spreading your love.

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