How Men Become Enslaved To Porn

The XY Code

So, I’m back from a men’s retreat. At forty guys, it was a small event. And that lead to all of us spending some time around a fire together the last night. And then the discussion turned to porn.

One fellow shared a shorter version of what he had told me the night before. He was in 5th grade, so 10 or 11, and not yet into puberty. Riding on the school bus, an older guy tossed a Playboy in his lap, saying “Keep it, I have plenty more.” And just like that, he was dragged into a four decade habit that ruled over him until very recently.

I want you to understand that what was done to him was very much like what I talked about last Friday, when young women are coerced into sex they don’t want. That boy didn’t go looking for porn. He didn’t ask for it. He didn’t understand it. But it was forced into his life. I understand this because I was seven when I found my first Playboy. I didn’t have the sex drive I would develop five years later, but I was curious. And even without a sex drive, what I saw grabbed a hold of me. By the time I hit puberty, I was already enslaved.

Have you ever thought of porn this way? As something that violates innocent young men? Most men are exposed to porn before puberty. Most of us had no warning from our parents, and we were defenceless against it. Many had not been told it’s wrong, and curiosity and the thrill of it took us like a lion taking a wounded gazelle.

If your husband uses porn, he probably got hooked before puberty when he wasn’t looking for it, and had no defence against it. It was very much a form of sexual abuse. Does that change your heart towards his ongoing habit that you hate?

More to follow.

~ Paul – I’m XY, and porn use is complicated

Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with stockdreams.ai
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