EP137 Forgiveness Cleared the Path To Her Baby

Fearlessly Fertile Podcast with Rosanne Austin

This post was authored by Rosanne on Rosanne Austin.

For Seema, there was nothing more important than being a Mom. However, she realized that choices from her past and a pattern of comparing herself to others was blocking her baby. Learn how Seema went from scared and unsure to a confident AF Mama Bear who made herself a promise to get pregnant within a […]

The post EP137 Forgiveness Cleared the Path To Her Baby appeared first on Rosanne Austin.

Transcript:
Hey Gorgeous, if you want success on your fertility journey, you’ve got to have the mindset for it. It’s time to kick fear, negativity, doubt, shame, jealousy, and the whole clown car of low vibe fertility journey BS to the curb. I’m your host, Roseanne Austin, fertility mindset master, former prosecutor and recovering type A control freak perfectionist.

I use the power of mindset to get pregnant naturally and have my baby boy at 43. Despite years of fertility treatment failure, I help women across the globe beat the odds on their fertility journey just like I did. Get ready for a quick hit of confidence, joy, feminine, badassery, and loads of hell Yes.

For your fertility journey. It’s time to get fearless, baby fearlessly fertile. Let’s do this. Welcome to the Fearlessly Fertile Podcast, episode 137.

Hey loves, I am so just thrilled, delighted, ecstatic to be here with you this week. Oh my gosh. I think that this week’s interview is just going to blow your mind. If you can’t tell, I truly get to work with some of the most amazing women in the world. Not just because of the impact they make in their daily lives through their profession, but also in the way that they so kindly and generously share the wisdom, that, that hard won wisdom from their journey as a way of giving back to you to inspire you to keep going for your dreams.

And, I cannot wait for you to get to know my beloved Seema and through sharing her story, I think that Seema is giving us just an invaluable gift of raising questions and themes on this journey that sometimes we run from, sometimes we sort of scurry away from. And one of the primary focuses in my conversation with Seema is that of forgiveness.

Forgiveness for our past choices and and that can come in a lot of different forms on this journey, you know, some women struggle with choices that they’ve made in the past. Maybe it was relationships that they stayed in for quote unquote too long terminations of pregnancies. Professional decisions that have maybe put them on a different path and caused them to wait, quote unquote, later in life, you know, and all these terrible judgments, you know, it’s all super fucking judgmental and through SEMA so kindly and lovingly sharing her story, I think we’re going to become more conversant in the way that we all can.

Use guilt and shame to keep ourselves trapped on this journey and having coached women all over the world to fertility success. And, and having lived this journey myself, it is abundantly clear to me that forgiveness is a critical aspect to clearing the blocks between you and your baby. What’s also really interesting about Seema’s story is that she found an inner strength.

This woman literally went from being scared and unsure to really awakening a confidence in her. I mean, let’s call it the mama bear energy that you hear me talking about all the time. But she. Had to make a decision. She had to make a decision about who she was going to be on this journey because you’ll hear that she was worried about endo.

She had a cancer scare, you know, there, there was all kinds of stuff. So this episode is packed with incredible wisdom from a woman who deserves our respect and absolute gratitude. So. I hope that you run with this episode and that this episode inspires you to not only forgive yourself, but to know that you have the power within you here and now to make a decision about who you’re going to be on this journey.

And that once you make a decision to be that woman, the most incredible things can happen. As they did for SEMA. So, my loves, here’s my conversation with SEMA. SEMA! Hello! How are you? Oh, I’m doing really well. How are you? I’m

so excited to be here with you, my darling. We’ll jump right in, because I’m like, I, I know you’re growing a baby and probably getting tired, so. So we’re going to go straight into it. So Doll, why don’t you start us off by sharing a little bit about how you found yourself on this journey? Yeah. So my journey begins 2016.

I’ve just turned 35 and obviously the, the wheels are really turning in my head about being a mother. It’s been something that I’ve always wanted, but you know, um, other things came in the way and I’m not seeing anyone in particular. I’m just casually dating, doing the acts as you do in London. And I have, I have quite a serious conversation with my mother about do I do this journey on my own?

Do I either go and freeze some eggs or do I actually go down the sperm donor route? And you know, her conversation was very much like, if that’s what you want to do, we’ll be there for you. But there’s other things in your life right now that you’re not happy with, like your job and, you know, some relationships and friendships and whatever.

So why don’t you focus on that? And then we look at it again in the new year. I was like, fine. Okay. That makes sense. So I did that. I started looking for a new job and I was. casually dating this one guy in particular, knowing it wasn’t going to be a relationship that was going to go anywhere, but it was just a bit of fun to, you know, just as a bit of a sideline from everything else going on.

And, um, sort of a week into December, I find out that I’m pregnant and I only told two people. I told my sister and I told my personal trainer, as you know, relationships, the personal trainers are very special things. My sister had lost her daughter back in August 2016. She, you know, she’d lost her girl at seven months.

So her mind, she was like, have the baby and give it to me. I’ll, I’ll have it. But she was no, but seriously, she said, look, you’ve really got to think about, can you do this on your own? You know, this is what you’ve been wanting. You need to make that decision of, can you do this on your own? Yes, you’re going to have support from me and mum and dad.

But when push comes to shove, you know, you’ll be the one 24 seven doing this. And so for about a week or so, I was, you know, thinking about it and just umming and ahhing about it. And I came to the decision that an abortion was the right thing for me to do at that time. Um, I was starting a new job in January, we were about to go on a family holiday and I just felt that, you know, there were things coming for me in, in 2017 that I was like, if They may, they may not actually happen to me if I go, if I, you know, if I, if I am pregnant, so I didn’t make that decision.

So we went on this family holiday for Christmas and New Year. And just before I go on the holiday, I managed to arrange an abortion, land back in Heathrow on the Saturday morning at 7am, jump into a cab. Get to my flat, dump my bag, quick change of clothes, go straight to the abortion clinic. Following Monday, I start my new job.

So I had no time to process what, what, you know, my decision. I had no time to process what I was feeling, none of that. It was, it all just got buried in a very big box right at the very back of my mind. Um, then, you know, clip forward to May 2017. I’ve been in my new job since January, I’ve been promoted, and I meet Mike, who is now my fiancé, and we start a relationship, and everything’s going great.

We move in together in 2018, and we then seriously have that conversation about, right, we’re going to actually start trying for babies now, because we’re moving in, you know, we’re living together, so we start trying, nothing happens. And then, you know, I say we start trying, I don’t think we were trying, you know, really 100 percent focused, but we were just, you know, seeing what happened.

And then in 2019, my sister turned 40 and at her 40th birthday party, she announced that she’s pregnant with her third baby, which was fantastic. But for me, I just remember bursting into tears in front of everybody. And I was just thinking, this is reality, like I know something’s not right with me. I’ve got to get myself checked out.

I’ve got to find out what’s happening. And in my mind I was thinking, because I’ve been pregnant, there can’t be anything wrong with me, it must be Mike. And there were times when I was feeling really, really low about it that I would say really quite nasty, not nasty, but just horrible things to Mike saying, this can’t be my fault, this has got to be you.

Uh, you know, and that was just wrong of me. Um, and then we go get tested. He gets tested absolutely fine, of course he does. I go to the GP here in, in London, they don’t test any of my bloods, but they just do a scan. They say, well, there’s nothing that we can say obvious. They do a hysteroscopy and a laparoscopy, um, in the beginning of 2020, and they say, oh, you’ve got endometriosis, but because you have no other symptoms, we don’t think that’s an issue.

We don’t think that’s really the reason why you’re not getting pregnant. So come back in a few months. And you know, we’ll, we will have another chat. But in my heart of hearts and my gut, I knew something wasn’t right and I was like, no, I’ve gotta get on with this. I’m like, I’m turning 39 this year. I need to be getting on with this time’s not on my side.

So we go down the private clinic route and that’s when I find out that my A MH is really low. My FSH is really high. So it sounds like, you know, I’m, I’m releasing immature eggs, and then I start the whole IVF cycle and. That’s all great. You know, we start going through the cycles and I have, in my first retrieval cycle, I have three eggs retrieved, of which two fertilized.

My second retrieval cycle, I have two eggs retrieved, of which one fertilizes. And then my final egg retrieval, we had three eggs, two eggs fertilized. So we had five eggs in the bank. We were then about to have our transfer, um, in March 2021. And I get a call from my doctor from the clinic about five, five to seven days before transfer.

And he says to me, we found some abnormal cells. We’re going to have to stop transfer cycle. We think this could be pre cancer. We need you to go for MRI and CT scans. We need to find out there’s something going on. And I was like, absolutely. He calls me up on, um, Friday at 4pm. Doesn’t give me very much information.

He literally just tells me it could be cancer. We need you know, that’s it. And then I’m going to refer you to, to a specialist hospital. Over the weekend, I speak to my mum and my sister about it. And I’m like, what do I do? And they’re like, well, find out exactly what scans you need. So you can go private.

Cause obviously NHS, COVID, there could be loads of delays. Yeah. And I, so I emailed him and I said, can you just let me know what scans I need? And then the following Tuesday, I get this really angry call from him at 10 o’clock in the morning while I’m working. And I’m actually attending a mental health seminar at work at home.

So I put that on mute, take the call. And he literally just shouts down the phone at me saying, it sounds like you’re blaming me that this happened. Like, you know, I didn’t need to refer you to this hospital. I could have just sent you back to your GP. I could have, you know, told you to just go and find out for yourself and then come back to us.

But what he hadn’t told me on the Friday was there’s only two hospitals in the country that know what they’re looking for when they’re looking at the MRI and CT scans for this particular issue that I’ve got. So I just like burst into tears because you know, you know how it is, it’s like when you get your transfer cycle, you get yourself so ramped up for it and it’s cancelled days before and you just think, what the hell?

And that’s when he calmed down and I was like, okay, but anyway, move forward, go for my MRI and CT scans. Thankfully, the NHS was fantastic and they didn’t keep me waiting very long. It came back that there could be something, but they just couldn’t see anything, but it’s. It’s something that can be well hidden from the scans, so the scans might not show anything.

So he, the doctor at the hospital said to me, if, if I was recommending you and you’d had your children, I’d be recommending you to have a hysterectomy. Because that’s when we find out where the cancer is and we can take it out. I was like, well, you know, I’m here, I’m going IVF, I can’t really do that. So he was like, okay, fine, I’ll let you carry on with the IVF and we’ll just monitor you.

Um, so I have my transfer finally beginning of June and I’m told, right, take your test on the 20th of June, Father’s Day. We wake up at 6am because I’ve got to do a jab and, uh, take the test and it’s pregnant. And. To be honest with you, Roseanne, it was the most underwhelming feeling. I was so Do you know what?

I think I like this. Mike was jumping up and down. I mean, he was absolutely static. And I was like, okay, that’s great. I’m just going to go back to bed because I’m absolutely shattered. Um, and so, yeah, so we had our 12 week scan last week and everything’s looking great. Oh my gosh. There’s like so much in what you said, Seema.

There’s like, and you know, abortion, endo, cancer. Now you’re second trimester, basically, but like, let’s go back a bit because, because I know you, you’re like all mellow about all this stuff, but it’s like a lot that happened in between. So, so let’s talk about. You know, because I, I know that this was part of our work together in the program, but let’s talk about, because there had to have been part of you for at least a time that tortured yourself about the decision you made in 2016.

So let’s talk about that. And then let’s talk about how you and I met. Yeah. So I think that torture and it, and it, and it was, um, that torture really started for me late 2018 when we, when we did start trying and month after month, nothing’s happening. And in the back of my mind, I was just like, this is karma.

This is karma coming back to bite me. I do believe that, you know, how you live your life is how things are going to come back on you. And I was just like, this is my fault. But I’ve done something to myself, which is going to stop me from having my dream and future. And for me, you know, that was really, I just, I would cry quite a lot.

You know, I, my parents don’t know about the abortion. My sister does. And obviously I, I told Mike and you know, they were like, you can’t blame yourself. You had to make a decision based on what your life was back then. You didn’t know how your future was going to pan out. So you can’t blame yourself, but it’s very easy to say that, isn’t it?

And not when you’re the person that’s going through those feelings. So yeah, there was a lot of pain. There was a lot of soul searching and thinking, have I just given up my one chance to be a mom? And then when I started the looking into the clinics, I was on Facebook one day and one of your efforts came up for your book.

And I downloaded that and I read it and I was just like, Oh my God, this is, this is no nonsense reading. This is very much like things that you can actually apply today in your life. And that’s why I was I spoke to my mom about you. And I, she said, look, Anything that can help you be in the right mindset for IVF to work, you know, I was, I was very grateful, Roseanne.

IVF is, as you know, it’s, it’s really expensive and it’s, it’s not only financially expensive, it’s emotionally, it’s physically, it’s everything. And I was very lucky that my parents stepped in and helped pay financial, pay with the financial costs, because without that, I think the stress and the pressure would have been 10 times worse.

And my mom just said to me, look, it’s, you know, yes, it’s a lot of money, but actually at the end of it, if you’re going to come out of this with a much more positive frame of mind and much more willing to just do what you need to do to be successful, isn’t that money well spent? Well, and it was, you know, and so I remember meeting you.

We got engaged the night before my birthday in July, 2019. And I met you two weeks after that. And we have our interview and I remember you asked me the question, why do you want to be a mom? And I just burst into tears. I don’t, it’s funny, until people ask you certain questions, you don’t really think about how big a dream is.

And that, at that point, I was just like, this is the only thing that matters to me. Being a mum is the only thing that matters. I don’t care if Mike and I never get married. I don’t care if we always live just as fiancé and fiancée. But being a mum, that has to happen in my lifetime. And whether or not that’s with my own biological child, whether it’s, you know, me adopting or whatever at that point.

I was like, I am going to be a mother in some form. And so yeah, that’s how we met. And thank God I did find you because I don’t think, and you know, I’m going to sweat, but you have a very, you have a great no bullshit method. You know, you just say it how you see it. And I think when you’re in this whole process, you get a lot of people just saying things just to make you feel better, but not actually saying things that make you look at yourself and really think about why things aren’t happening.

And that’s what you do. You come in and you just cut the crap and you’re like, right, let’s really think about and look at what is going on in your life. What have you got in your mind that is stopping you from achieving what you need? Yeah, and it’s incredible, Sima, because I remember how much fear there was in you about time, about the past, about lack and scarcity over chances, and, you know, it was an incredible thing to watch, and it was also incredible to watch that in the background you also had this Scary diagnosis.

You know, you had a couple scary diagnoses, right? Like, you know, potential for cancer, endo, you know, you, what I see as an observer, there was something really interesting specifically about you is that even though you had these things, you had this, Thing you were torturing yourself about in the background, the endo, the, you know, don’t you just love it?

How they tell you a four o’clock on a Friday? Hey, you might be cancer. See you next week. You know, kind of a thing. And you’re like, what the fuck is happening in my life right now? Right? As if Seema couldn’t get kicked in the face one more time. But there was something in you that said, okay, I am aware of all of these things, but this matters so much to me.

That I’m not going to allow myself to get in my own way. So what was that, do you think? What was that for you? Yeah, I think a lot of that was from the people around me. And that was something I always took from your book and your, and your lessons was, you know, the bump squad. And really focusing on people that were going to just give positive.

To you. So I, I did surround myself with people that were just going to say, Seema, okay, it’s a, it’s a, it’s a bump in the road, but it’s a bump. It’s not something that you can’t climb and get over and carry on the journey with. And so, yeah, I mean, of course, you know, that weekend when I got that call, I was like, what the hell?

But speaking to my mom and my sister and a couple of friends, I was, they were just like, well, okay, but Seema, isn’t it a good thing that they found it now that if there is something you can deal with it? And if there’s nothing there, okay, great. But you, you’re, you’re, you’re, you’re, you know, you may be losing a matter of weeks, if you’re not a couple of months, but you’re not going to use, lose years.

So, you know, it was, it was, it was just looking at things from a very different perspective than what, you know, the person who I was in 2018 would have just fallen flat on the floor and just said, I give up. But actually, you know, doing the work with you and just Realizing how important this journey was just made me realize, okay, there’s going to be bumps in the road.

Everyone’s life has got bumps in the road. You don’t just give up. You, you dust yourself down and you get on with it and you move forward. It’s just a different path that you’re now taking, but you’re still going to get to the end goal. And I was just like, okay, I’m just going to have to get on with it.

You know, I allowed myself maybe a day or so of crying and just feeling sorry for myself. But then I was like, no, enough got to get on with it. I’m not going to, I’m not going to let this. This saboteur just. Bring me down. That’s incredible because think about what that is, and that always comes back to, I mean, there’s a huge difference between people that are successful on this journey and people that are not.

And this is not a judgmental thing, this is just from an observation. People who are successful on this journey take fucking action. And you’re demonstrating that because, you know, some people will just get into this shit pit where, Oh, I’m just going to feel sorry for myself. I’m just going to feel sorry for myself.

And somehow the stork is going to fly over my house, drop off a baby while I’m a quivering mess in the corner. What you’re saying here is you basically took a stand for, and yes, I’m feeling sorry for myself for a day. And I acknowledge that all that crazy shit is in the background, but I also know that this dream is bigger than that mess over there.

That’s massive. And I’m very lucky in that I have a ridiculously strong mother and sister. And I mean, you know, from being Indian, you know, the culture that we come from is that women are kept at home. They do the housework. They’re not, they’re seen, they’re not heard. And my mom was brought up in that sort of generation.

She was lucky that her father was very much like, you can do whatever you want. And my mom has gone through a really difficult journey of the last decade and a half. And my sister and I have witnessed that and we’ve seen how things have had a massive impact on her, but she’s got up, she’s carried on.

She’s not let it, you know, bring her down. And so for me and my sister, we have been brought up to be, you know, we were told You know, since we’re growing up, whatever you want is achievable. It might take you a bit longer than other people. It might take you a different way to get there, but it’s achievable because you will get it if you really, really want it.

And throughout this whole process, I think it’s funny. I think IVF has brought. me and my mum closer together. It’s, you know, she’s been the somebody that any day I just felt low, I would just call her, have a cry, let it out. And then she’d be like, right, do you feel better? Yeah. Right. Get on with it now. You know, but you know, in the nice of her, she’s like, well, you’ve got work to do.

You’ve got things to do. You can’t let this. You can’t, as you say, you can’t wallow in this because wallowing is just going to get you nowhere. You’ve got to have a plan of action. So, yeah, I mean, I think seeing her go through the bad stuff has just made me realize that. Life is gonna throw you crap along the way, but it’s how you deal with it that helps you, you know, achieve, achieve what you want to in life.

Wow. I mean, that’s so true. It’s so true. You’re living proof. I’m living proof. So many of the women that you know, you were with in the program are living proof. So let’s talk about, like, aside from what you’re talking about here, what were some of the other transformations you saw in yourself? Because you did a lot of work over the course of eight weeks.

I remember you were always there, always had your pot up. Let’s talk about that because you went through a legitimate transformation. I think when I first started with you, I was a very scared, unsure person. And what came out of it was realization that yes, I had made decisions in my life that had an impact on it.

But my life going forward didn’t necessarily have to be completely based on that. And I just, and you gave me the tools to just break things down and really spend time with myself and forgive myself. You allowed me to do that. And I think I had stopped myself from forgiving myself. And once I had done that, and I remember raising the question with you about my abortion, probably about two or three times within the eight weeks.

And I, you know, the first time I raised it, what you said to me was it just didn’t sink in. But the second time it definitely didn’t. I was just like, you know what, I can’t keep going back to that place. It’s happened. It’s done. I’ve got to move forward. The, you know, the other thing I think that I came out realizing was how difficult this was for Mike.

Like this, you know, he was watching me go through some, you know, just seeing me cry all the time initially, and just feeling so helpless. And I think that’s the thing that a lot of women do forget is, you know, how their partner’s feeling. And because I knew he was going through it, but didn’t want to tell me.

I just sat him down one day and I said, can you please speak to somebody, anybody, just tell one of your friends that, you know, you’re going through this and thank God he did because his best mate. told him that that’s how they had their baby girl. And so then I got really friendly with the wife who became part of my bump squad.

We and her, me and her would just meet up on our own and just talk about what was going on because at least there was somebody there who knew exactly what I was going through in my bump squad. And they could just, she just let me speak and just let me get my feelings out. But I then knew that Mike had a support system as well, that if he was feeling really low, he could go to his friend and say, just, can I just talk to you?

And I think that, you know, I had to, and I think that was another big thing that came out of your group was I’d had to take a step back and realize this wasn’t just about me. Yes, it was, yes, I was the one doing the injections. Yes, it was happening to my body, but it wasn’t just about me. This is a journey that me and Mike were doing together.

And I had to appreciate that he was feeling so on the outside of it that I had to bring him in somehow. And that just, yeah, I think it’s, it’s, it’s definitely strengthened our relationship with, with his friends. I mean, they’re, they’re fantastic and they’ve been a real support to both of us. And, you know, they were the first, they were one of the first people that we told when we got pregnant because they were like, we knew that they would be, you know, ecstatic for us.

But yeah, I mean, I’m trying to think what else happened. It was, well, it was last summer, wasn’t it? It’s a while ago now, so much has happened since. I mean, but that’s incredible. Look at, I mean, if another way to look at this is look at where you are today, August of 2021 and where you were last summer, look at how quickly you were able to change your life.

It’s quite funny. We hadn’t started. Um, we’d just started IVF this time last year. So we had our first retrieval in September. So yeah, that, yeah, actually it’s, it’s, uh, quite astounding. I remember when we had our interview and I just came off the phone and said, I’m going to be sending Roseanne an email before my 40th birthday saying I’m pregnant.

And I did it with like two weeks to spare. And I was like, but I, but I think, do you know what? Speaking to somebody who didn’t know me. But understood part of the journey that I was on and just having that third party there is a massive release. You know, there’s only so much I can, there’s only so much I could go to my mum or my sister or my friends because I was a bit like, they’re going to be so tired of hearing about the same old, same old crap from me.

But having you there in my corner, I was like, I know that Roseanne understands. And that was a massive support. And I was just like, yeah, you know what, if she can do it, why can’t I, you’re like, if that crazy pink and blue haired yank can do it, you know, so can I, I mean, but I mean, that’s what I love so much about your experience, Seema is.

And I, I hope you never forget this. There is a deep and abiding wisdom in you that is really being revealed here. That even though you weren’t 100 percent sure how any of this was going to unfold, you just kept taking scary leap after scary leap after scary leap, right? I mean, you had to make yourself open to calling Mike into your life.

You know, after, you know, making the decision that you made and you could have tortured yourself forever, but you there was something in you that even though you couldn’t see it wanted bigger and better. And that’s exactly what when we look at this chain of events. Opening your heart to Mike, you know, moving in, you know, deciding to get serious saying, okay, I know all this stuff happened in the past.

I know what I want now and really going for it. And then insisting on getting the care that you needed insisting on. Being seen by mom and sister, you know, insisting on saying, Hey, I’ve kind of gone to the limit with my own stuff, you know, with my own mindset, I’m going to talk to this crazy lady. I’m going to see what she’s going to help me with and then keep moving forward.

Even in the midst of a fricking pandemic. You’re out there doing it and you, and like, you know, this is a funny thing about, I see this all the fucking time, Seema, women who make promises to themselves, I’m going to, you know, I’m going to be, you know, send Roseanne this email before my 40th birthday, or I’m going to do this.

I mean, there’s a reason why I always say when I’m like, Hey, if you’re serious about getting pregnant in the next 12 months. Get on it, right? And that’s exactly what you did, Seema. Like, do you comprehend that? Like, do you get how the way that this unfolded is such a celebration of who you are and actually who you have become?

Do you know what? No, I don’t, I don’t look at it that way and I think, I just got on with it. You know, I, I was just told in my, I just said to myself, you’ve got no choice, you have to just get on with it. And it’s funny now that, you know, you’re, you’re saying that there and but for me, it was just like, well.

This was a, this was a, I had no other option but to just do it. There was no option of me leaving without my baby that just never came into my mind. Well, but that’s also why you’re successful. I mean, that’s the other thing in the background is you made a decision. How many times did you hear me shouting about that?

You got to make a decision, make it. Have you made a decision to be successful and you’re living proof of that? Yeah. And it’s funny, actually. I mean, over the last few weeks I have been thinking about, you know, in my professional career and in other points in my life, Things have happened. Things are coming to me a little bit later on than my peers, but that hasn’t stopped me still going out there and achieving it.

And I just, you know, had I thought about it back then, I probably would have taken some of the pressure off myself and be like, you know what, this will happen. It’s just, it’s going to happen a little bit longer than you probably hoped it would, but it will happen. Um, yeah, I just. I just had to do it. There was no other option for me.

It wasn’t a case of, I was just going to give up and, you know, just be me and Mike forever. That, that was never going to be the case. I knew he wanted to be a dad. I wanted to be a mum. This was a case of, we’re just going to carry on doing this. And if it takes us, if it takes, you know, it’s hundreds of thousands of pounds or whatever it is, we will carry on doing whatever we need to do to get to where, where we want to be and be mum and dad.

Seema, if I haven’t told you lately, baby girl, I fucking loved you. Like that is, that is the mama bear energy that we have to have on this journey. If we intend to succeed, like you weren’t, you weren’t going to allow lack and scarcity to come in and scare the shit out of you. Like I can see mama bear sitting right there right now.

You’re like, none of that’s getting in my way. Well, so let’s talk a little bit also. I mean, what did this do for your faith? Like, I’m super curious about that because, you know, it could have been really easy for you to be like, well, you know, I don’t see a result here. You know, look at me, look at, you know, all of this stuff that I’ve tortured myself with, talk to us a little bit about how through this process.

You developed your faith. So I’m not religious at all, and I don’t believe in, you know, a god or whatever. I believe in karma. I believe in how if you live a good life, then you will get what you want. But on this journey, and I think it was, it was something that you actually said in one of the last, in one of the calls that we had was, you know, write, write things down, write a letter to yourself so that you can remember this.

And I started to do that quite often. I would start writing just these little paragraphs about how I was feeling that day and just saying, you know, if it was a great day. So when I got the first egg retrieval, I wrote a letter to myself saying, it’s amazing. You’ve got two fantastic eggs in, in the freezer.

And I think that, that just started my faith. I just started to realize that. I had faith in myself. And that’s, you know, for me, that was the big thing. I was like, I know I can do it. And it was, I believe in myself and that then led to, well, there’s obviously good things around me. There’s, there’s something happening around me that is saying you are going to get what you want.

What that is like, I can’t tell you, but you know, you call it Gus. I think it’s, it’s just. Something out there isn’t there that that just helps you continue on that journey that gives you the strength when you are feeling so low that you just say, you know what, okay, I’m going to have a low day, but tomorrow’s gonna be a better day.

And it was, it was just something deep inside me that was just, I think the fire got lit, the fire got lit and I was just like, it’s not going to go out and I am going to just believe in myself, I’m going to believe in Mark, I’m going to believe in our relationship, I’m going to believe that all of these things that we want are going to happen for us.

And yeah, it was just opening up my eyes to what was around me, like going out for walks and actually seeing the trees and seeing the colours and just appreciating what I had in my life. And just knowing that anything else that came into it was just going to be an absolute blessing and make it that brighter and that much more, you know, worth living for.

Oh, you’re making mama so proud, Seema. Like, oh man. I mean, what an incredible transformation. So what would you want? The women all over the world that are listening, what would you want them to know from your perspective? What would you want them to know, like some bit of wisdom from your own experience, like what would you share with them?

It’s okay to have bad days. It’s okay to feel low. It’s okay to feel upset, but don’t let that overtake. Your, you know, your primary goal of why you’re doing what you’re doing, have that image of you being a mom right there at the very front of your mind and visualize it and keep dreaming about it because it is right there and it is achievable.

Um, and believe in yourself. You know, you’ve got to this point in life. Why, why should that be the end point for you. You’ve got to carry on dusting yourself down and just taking the next step forward and keep putting one foot in front of the other. It’s a hard journey. I’m not, you know, I’m not, I’m not belittling this journey at all.

It’s incredibly hard. And, you know, I look back on my journey and I just think I’ve had an easy journey compared to some of the women that you’ve had on your podcasts. And I hope we don’t compare, we don’t compare ourselves. Yeah. Everyone’s got their own thing. I mean, you went through some shit as well, baby girl.

So don’t you earn your spot? I, but you know, I do, you know, I, there are, there are some amazing women that you’ve had on that have been through so much more and. They’ve done it. And I think that was, you know, when I was listening and going on my walks and doing all the preparatory work for the IVF and just listen to these amazing women, I was just like, they didn’t let it break them down.

So I’m not going to let it break me down. And I think you’ve got to find, and the other thing I would say to women is find your bump squad. For me, that was really key. Find that group of people that will be there for you. No matter what happens that will celebrate every little success with you because every little success builds to the great big success.

Um, and find those people that will just hold your hand when you need to just have that cry. You don’t, I didn’t appreciate how, how important that was until I went through this journey and having a really good set of friends and strong people around me. So, you know, find your support network, find, find yourself.

Really, you know, this is going to be the journey that shows you who you really are and you’ll come out of this so much stronger and so much more resilient and just so much happier. I think at the end of it. Yeah. Amen. Woman. I mean, that’s so powerful what you’re saying, because it is, uh, it is showing us who we are.

Are we women who go after the dream and continue to get back into the ring, continue to stand up. Or are you going to be a woman who just, just sort of gives up? And I think what you’re, what you’ve done is really share what it’s like to be in the mindset of someone who doesn’t quit for shit. Cause like, that’s, that’s really who you are, Seema.

And I’m, you know, what a, what a blessing you were to the other women and then you’re in your group. And it was just so crazy cause I’m sure they’re going to be so delighted. To see your beautiful face and see what you have created, my darling. So thank you so much for sharing your story and what a blessing it has been to be by your side.

And I can tell you it was a fricking delight to get that email. And I remember thinking to myself, she did it. She kept her word to herself. She totally fricking did it. So thank you, Seema. Thank you, Rosanna. I mean, I wouldn’t have. Got through this journey without your wisdom, in all honesty, and, you know, knowing the other women on the course as well, I mean, everyone was going through their, their stuff, as you say, but everyone turned up.

And that was a real blessing as well, that everyone was fighting for the same, the same goal. And it was just nice to know that I wasn’t in this on my own. No. Yeah. Amazing. No, you were definitely in good company, love. So I can’t wait to get more, more updates as your baby grows. So thank you again, Seema.

Thanks a lot, Roseanne. Loves. Wasn’t Seema’s story just absolutely compelling and inspiring? It is incredible how quickly we can turn things around on this journey when we get our mind Thank you. Right. I mean, really right. Like going, just like Seema did, going from a place of darkness to really finding that inner strength that, that I was talking about in the very beginning.

And this woman did it. She, I mean, think about what she did. She made a promise to herself. She made a decision that she was gonna be sending me an email Before her 40th birthday, telling me that she was pregnant and that’s exactly what she did and she did it in less than a year, two weeks to spare. That, my loves, is the power of being a woman who makes a decision.

And that fire and that ability to make your dreams come true, that exists in you. It’s not just Seema, she’d be the first person to tell you that if she did it. You can too. And if you want to learn what I taught SEMA, my fearlessly fertile method program is for women who intend to get pregnant in the next 12 months like SEMA did and say hell yes to covering their bases, mind and body.

So you don’t have to look back on this time in your life with regret because what you do today can help you have a due date. In 2022, I work with women who are committed to success. To apply for your interview for this program, go to my website, www.FromMaybeToBaby.com and apply for an interview there.

My methodologies help women around the world make their mom dreams come true. Their results speak for themselves. Love, if you don’t have a mindset for success on this journey, you’ve got a gaping hole in your strategy. Let’s fix that shit and set you up for success. Till next time, change your mindset, change your results.

Love this episode of the Fearlessly Fertile podcast? Subscribe now and leave an awesome review. Remember, the desire in your heart to be a mom is there because it was meant for you. When it comes to your dreams, keep saying hell yes.