Code4Couples is the premiere podcast for Law Enforcement relationships hosted by Cyndi Doyle, author of Hold the Line: The Essential Guide to Protecting Your Law Enforcement Relationship, psychotherapist, and a law enforcement spouse working to educate officers and spouse on the impact of law enforcement on their relationship for them to counter the impact and create connected and resilient relationships. She is the author and creator of Hold the Line products including a train the trainer p ...
…
continue reading
![Artwork](/static/images/128pixel.png)
1
Ep 145: Indirect Trauma in Law Enforcement Relationships
49:00
49:00
Spill senere
Spill senere
Lister
Lik
Likt
49:00
In a dual first responder home, there are times when first person and vicarious trauma must coexist. We may experience the traumatic incident firsthand and then hear the other person's view of the same incident when we are home together. While the differing perspectives can be beneficial, it's not always true. Everyone reacts to a singular incident…
…
continue reading
![Artwork](/static/images/128pixel.png)
1
Ep 144: Trauma in Law Enforcement Families
51:23
51:23
Spill senere
Spill senere
Lister
Lik
Likt
51:23
As a couple, we are aware that officers and their families can be impacted by the job. Sometimes, the impact is trauma. That trauma can be direct or indirect. Secondary traumatic stress can impact officers, spouses, children, or even extended family and friends. We need to be aware of the signs and symptoms to help ourselves and those we love. Expe…
…
continue reading
![Artwork](/static/images/128pixel.png)
1
Ep 143: Hypervigilance in Law Enforcement Families
51:00
51:00
Spill senere
Spill senere
Lister
Lik
Likt
51:00
Hypervigilance allows officers to stay aware and safe on the job. As an officer or spouse, you may be aware or have a general understanding of hypervigilance. You may even understand that what goes up must come down. Sadly, that single biological process that keeps our officers safe, can spill over like a tsunami in our relationships. We need to be…
…
continue reading
![Artwork](/static/images/128pixel.png)
1
Ep 142: Thriving in and out of the career
55:57
55:57
Spill senere
Spill senere
Lister
Lik
Likt
55:57
In this podcast episode, host Cyndi Doyle interviews Brian Ellis, a retired law enforcement officer and creator of Magnus Worx, about the importance of wellness and resilience in the law enforcement profession. Wellness is not just a physical issue, but also a mental one, and it is crucial for law enforcement organizations to prioritize the well-be…
…
continue reading
![Artwork](/static/images/128pixel.png)
1
Ep 141: Must have Conversations for Every Law Enforcement Couple
48:07
48:07
Spill senere
Spill senere
Lister
Lik
Likt
48:07
My husband and I were super naive when it came to understanding how his job was going to impact our relationship. I saw it as a career path, just like any other. I mean, sure, there was danger and shift work, but what more could there be? No one told us what to expect or how to make sure our relationship stayed solid. As a couple new to law enforce…
…
continue reading
Moral Injuries are a significant yet often unrecognized issue among first responders. Understanding what a moral injury is and recognizing its potential impact on careers and families is crucial to their overall wellness. In this episode, Judy Couwels talks about what moral injuries are, how to recognize them, and how to combat their impact. The Fi…
…
continue reading
![Artwork](/static/images/128pixel.png)
1
Ep 139: Communication Challenges in Special Assignments
52:52
52:52
Spill senere
Spill senere
Lister
Lik
Likt
52:52
Communication and connection are a challenge for all of us in law enforcement relationships. There are some extra special challenges when you're on call all the time or you're in situations where you just can't talk due to being in a special assignment such as undercover work or maybe the part of a SWAT team. Heather Williams, a law enforcement pro…
…
continue reading
“I just don't want to burden my spouse with what I experience on the job” is a way of protecting the people that you love. I always thought my husband was open only to find out later that this happened a few times within our relationship. Most of the time an officer's spouse and family sense that something is up. It bleeds over. While protecting th…
…
continue reading
We have all worked in a toxic work environment due to the workplace culture, co-workers, supervisors, or the work itself. Stephanie Kiesow is a former law enforcement officer, cop kid, and cop’s wife. She saw how work impacted her parents, their mood, and in turn the family. She started her career in law enforcement at 18 and in 2011, when her…
…
continue reading
In this podcast episode, host Cyndi Doyle interviews John Blumenthal, a Retired Master Sergeant (Ret.) with the Oklahoma City Police Department. Blumenthal shares his personal journey of struggling with trauma and making poor choices, which led to the deterioration of his relationships with his family. He emphasizes the importance of prioritizing w…
…
continue reading
We all know that this lifestyle means long hours and lots of stress. Loss of sleep only impacts stress further. When does stress become burnout? Burnout is oftentimes a precursor to more serious mental health issues. If we could catch burnout or even work to prevent burnout, officers would be safer on the job and relationships are potentially more …
…
continue reading
![Artwork](/static/images/128pixel.png)
1
Ep 134: Communication and Trauma Response after Critical Incidents
1:09:44
1:09:44
Spill senere
Spill senere
Lister
Lik
Likt
1:09:44
Katie Bingner is a counselor in Maryland, a law enforcement spouse, and a communications coach for law enforcement couples. I just assumed that her wife worked in Maryland. I was wrong. She works in Washington, DC. That led me to ask about January 6th and come to find out, her wife was in the thick of it. What started as an interview about connecti…
…
continue reading
There is a holiday song that always makes my husband and I laugh. It is Bob Rivers singing "The Twelve Pains of Christmas," and it's funny because it is sadly and hilariously true. The lyrics are the first thing about Christmas that's such a pain to me and he goes through a list. The first one is finding a Christmas tree, rigging up the lights, and…
…
continue reading
You may or may not know who Dr. Ellen Kirschman is, but you’ve certainly been impacted by her. I think of Ellen as the godmother of police psychology. She has paved the way for many counselors and spouses with her books, I Love A Cop and Counseling Cops. She was one of the first, if not the first, to offer workshops for spouses to understand their …
…
continue reading
Before I met Allison Uribe, I came across her book, Cuffs and Coffee: A Devotional for Wives of America's Law Enforcement Officers. When we met in 2019 at a conference in Ohio where we were both speaking, I realized that Allison was not only a lot of fun but that she had grit. She will fess up to not handling situations the best way possible early …
…
continue reading
![Artwork](/static/images/128pixel.png)
1
Ep 130: Retirement in Dual Law Enforcement Relationships
49:39
49:39
Spill senere
Spill senere
Lister
Lik
Likt
49:39
No one I know is more out in our community as a dual law enforcement couple sharing their story than Cathy and Javier Bustos. I interviewed them several years ago on episode 46 when they were both still working in law enforcement and growing with their company, That Peer Support Couple. They shared their unique lens on being an officer and a spouse…
…
continue reading
The holiday season can be challenging for any couple. For law enforcement couples, we know that it's going to bring an absence to regularly scheduled events and rituals. What can be kind of nice is the increased need for off-duty officers at shopping centers and churches, or the overtime that comes with having to work events, or the holidays themse…
…
continue reading
Resilience is one of those words that gets shared in our community. But, what does it mean to be resilient, and how do we get there? Resilience isn’t about “bouncing back” but arriving at the understanding that your life has shifted or changed because of what has occurred. Resilience is about making meaning from what we have experienced. In this ep…
…
continue reading
As a law enforcement officer, you spend a lot of time helping other families during and after a crisis. You spend much of your time arresting people who are driving drunk, using drugs, stealing, or other illegal activities and you've probably called people who engage in those activities "losers", "idiots", "scumbags" or other derogatory names. Now,…
…
continue reading
![Artwork](/static/images/128pixel.png)
1
Ep 127: Common Issues in Law Enforcement Relationships
31:33
31:33
Spill senere
Spill senere
Lister
Lik
Likt
31:33
This week's podcast is a little bit of a spin. Adam Davis interviewed me for a conference he produced early this year. He had some good questions, so the interview was pretty alright. (HA) I asked him if I could share this interview on my podcast. Of course, he said yes. In this interview, I talk about a few ways that the job of law enforcement can…
…
continue reading
![Artwork](/static/images/128pixel.png)
1
Encore: Domestic Violence or Bad Behavior?
41:03
41:03
Spill senere
Spill senere
Lister
Lik
Likt
41:03
There are a lot of statistics that go around with law enforcement and domestic violence. "Google 40% in Law Enforcement or maybe just the comment "40%." Those are the comments I sometimes get in my posts or in my reels on Instagram. I know exactly what it means when I read it. They are referring to the popular statistic that 40% of Law Enforcement …
…
continue reading
Garrett TeSlaa, host of the Squad Room podcast and Lieutenant in Southern California, reached out to me and asked if I had done a podcast on "men’s work." I had to give him a hard time about men’s work versus women’s work, and we joked around about it, but what he really meant was what I thought. It’s easier for women to do certain things like read…
…
continue reading
Michael Laidler is an experienced law enforcement officer and a lieutenant with the Federal Bureau of Prisons, but when you meet him, he's not LT or Lieutenant. He's Michael Laidler, Lieutenant. Along the way, he has realized that it's incredibly important to remind himself that law enforcement has a role in his life, but it is not his entire life.…
…
continue reading
Imagine you sustain an injury on the job as an officer, an injury that takes you out of work for a while. Now, imagine what it would be like if no one in the department called to check on you. Imagine being that spouse who is taking care of the officer, still needing to work, picking up all the household duties, and still trying to physically take …
…
continue reading
You're going from call to call and there is finally a moment when things slow down. You start to realize you haven't even thought about eating, much less had time to eat on your 12 hour shift that you're now seven hours into. In fact, you're actually really hungry, but you're lunch, dinner, or whatever meal you want to call it is at the PD in the f…
…
continue reading
There are some people that just inspire you to be better. Kristofor Healey is one of those people. Kristofor was an award-winning special agent with the government for over 15 years, taking on some of the world's most notorious criminal organizations. He's a keynote speaker, a coach, podcast host, and the author of The Indispensable Man, which he d…
…
continue reading
![Artwork](/static/images/128pixel.png)
1
Ep 121: Connection at Home with the Lt's Daughter
46:10
46:10
Spill senere
Spill senere
Lister
Lik
Likt
46:10
As a child growing up in a police family, Katherine Boyle didn't really understand what her dad did for a living. To her, it was just her life. Looking back, she sees the things that she thinks her dad did right for her to feel safe and for them to have a close relationship to this day. Katherine is the “Lt’s daughter”. She's making waves on social…
…
continue reading
On Thursday, September 1st 2022, I decided to go to work at the office for a couple of hours. I was texting with my husband, and we were joking around as I packed up. Then he said, “I don’t feel right, get home.” I immediately got into the car and started driving the 17 miles home. At a stoplight in town, I got a text that said, “Call 911?” I said,…
…
continue reading
Maybe this will sound familiar to you. You haven't seen each other for a while because you are working shifts and missing each other due to schedules, stress with family, work, and kids. You finally get a small amount of time together and one of you wants to make the most of this time to have sex, but as soon as you start trying to make the moves, …
…
continue reading
You finish a call, and it went well, but something's not sitting right. You feel bad, kind of guilty, or maybe even a little shameful. You see your friend that was just involved in an officer involved shooting recently, and people are going by and letting them know that it was a good shot, you know, it was a good shot. He's even been cleared. But y…
…
continue reading
![Artwork](/static/images/128pixel.png)
1
Ep 117: The Badge, The Bottle and My Better Half
52:03
52:03
Spill senere
Spill senere
Lister
Lik
Likt
52:03
There are some people I encounter that I immediately get a good vibe from. I met John Monaghan virtually on a call we were both on and he subtly mentioned that he had overcome an addiction to alcohol and spoke with passion about officer mental health and the impact on the family. I mentioned something about vulnerability and taking off emotional …
…
continue reading
![Artwork](/static/images/128pixel.png)
1
Ep 116: Boxing up Emotions: The Good and Bad
48:27
48:27
Spill senere
Spill senere
Lister
Lik
Likt
48:27
If you’re an officer, you may find yourself using compartmentalization to stay focused and act in stressful situations. As spouses, we want our officers and first responders to be able to utilize this skill because it keeps them attentive and safe. However, compartmentalization can have some unintended fallout in terms of the ability to feel presen…
…
continue reading
![Artwork](/static/images/128pixel.png)
1
EP 115: Are Your Love Languages Transactional?
51:14
51:14
Spill senere
Spill senere
Lister
Lik
Likt
51:14
The most popular idea that couples have regarding relationships seems to be the five love languages. I've heard many couples talk about knowing their own love languages and some even know their partner's love language. If each other’s love languages are known, one would think your relationship’s needs would be met, but that is not always the case. …
…
continue reading
![Artwork](/static/images/128pixel.png)
1
Ep 114: Financial Wellness in Law Enforcement
45:09
45:09
Spill senere
Spill senere
Lister
Lik
Likt
45:09
All right, raise your hand if you sometimes find yourself scrolling on Amazon and adding a few things to your cart. Or maybe you find yourself really focused on wanting to take that next big trip or get that new gun or fishing pole. Maybe you just get tired of cooking and order takeout, maybe a little too much. Some of those impulse decisions can l…
…
continue reading
Many of you know that I'm not a parent. Even though I wasn't able to have the personal experience of raising a child in a law enforcement family, I often feel confident when fielding questions regarding the impact on children. However, I do seek out people that have firsthand knowledge, experience, stories, and expertise so that you as a parent can…
…
continue reading
![Artwork](/static/images/128pixel.png)
1
Ep 112: Communication Differences Between Men and Women: The Four Positions
48:09
48:09
Spill senere
Spill senere
Lister
Lik
Likt
48:09
My husband and I often have struggles, frustrations, and miscommunication. When we're talking, we may miss what the other person is wanting or needing in order to connect. Many times, I want to go deeper into something, and he tells me there's not anything deeper to be said. He will sometimes make what I think is a controversial statement and my re…
…
continue reading
![Artwork](/static/images/128pixel.png)
1
Ep 111: The Four S's for Trust and Safety in Your Relationship
47:45
47:45
Spill senere
Spill senere
Lister
Lik
Likt
47:45
There are all kinds of challenges in our relationships as law enforcement and first responder couples. The time away from each other can cause our insecurities to arise and create negative stories about why your spouse really isn't answering the phone, what they're doing with their time away from you, or why that connection just doesn't feel as str…
…
continue reading
![Artwork](/static/images/128pixel.png)
1
Ep 110: The Spartan Relationship
1:02:47
1:02:47
Spill senere
Spill senere
Lister
Lik
Likt
1:02:47
In the first responder world, the spouse is most often the one left at home to pick up the pieces while the officer is on shift. The impact of the career can force a spouse to become fiercely independent in unexpected areas of a relationship. Between shift work, extra duty jobs, and on call shifts, there isn’t much of a choice, BUT independence doe…
…
continue reading
![Artwork](/static/images/128pixel.png)
1
Ep 109: Spillover from Conditioned Communication
59:23
59:23
Spill senere
Spill senere
Lister
Lik
Likt
59:23
In our everyday interactions, communication plays a vital role in how we connect with others. It shapes our relationships, influences our understanding, and defines our experiences. At times, we can find ourselves in situations where we struggle to convey our thoughts, emotions, and needs effectively to others. Add in the conditioning from the job …
…
continue reading
Do you ever feel like you are walking on eggshells at home to avoid conflict in your first responder relationship? Your eggshells may grow and layer on top of each other until both people address the conflict AND the eggshells. We need to learn how to get past those eggshells and what your role and responsibility in creating that for your relations…
…
continue reading
![Artwork](/static/images/128pixel.png)
1
Ep 108: Rebranding the Mindset of Self-Care
58:27
58:27
Spill senere
Spill senere
Lister
Lik
Likt
58:27
A couple of episodes ago, I introduced you to wellness coach and law enforcement wife Katie Ouzounian with Episode 106: Are Values Driving Your Relationship? During one of our chats, she mentioned words to me that made me cringe. Self-care. Try telling an LEO spouse who is managing two to three kids, working full-time, has a spouse working undercov…
…
continue reading
![Artwork](/static/images/128pixel.png)
1
Ep 107: Legacies Are Built at Home, Not at Work
48:27
48:27
Spill senere
Spill senere
Lister
Lik
Likt
48:27
As a law enforcement officer or spouse, you know that trauma has the potential to impact you as a parent. When raising a child in this lifestyle you are aware that they will be impacted as well. However, when children are impacted, they can't always communicate or understand what's going on. Situations that may not impact us as adults with adult br…
…
continue reading
![Artwork](/static/images/128pixel.png)
1
Ep 106: Are Values Driving your Relationship?
49:53
49:53
Spill senere
Spill senere
Lister
Lik
Likt
49:53
You may have heard me talk about how if we don't pay attention, we can wind up off course in this lifestyle. The sacrifices that you make as an officer or as a spouse are more than just your time. We wind up slipping away from our values. Family is number one, yet there is so much time away from the family and when we are together, the impact from …
…
continue reading
![Artwork](/static/images/128pixel.png)
1
Ep 105: Surviving and Thriving through Retirement
42:15
42:15
Spill senere
Spill senere
Lister
Lik
Likt
42:15
For years, my hubby and I thought and talked about what it would be like when we finally crossed the finish line into retirement. In fact, I had a countdown app on my phone that I started long ago that would tell me when the date would be when he would be eligible for retirement. We leaned on that a lot when we were tired, frustrated, or irritated …
…
continue reading
![Artwork](/static/images/128pixel.png)
1
Ep 104: Let's talk treatment: Different approaches to PTSD
46:39
46:39
Spill senere
Spill senere
Lister
Lik
Likt
46:39
Law enforcement and first responders are not destined to walk away with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). They are, however, more likely to struggle with PTSD than the general population. As a spouse, you may be impacted by a situation or an incident and struggle with trauma yourself. Or maybe you're concerned or worried about your officer as …
…
continue reading
![Artwork](/static/images/128pixel.png)
1
Ep 103: National Advocacy in Law Enforcement
1:18:12
1:18:12
Spill senere
Spill senere
Lister
Lik
Likt
1:18:12
A couple of episodes ago, I gave you the first part of my interview with Kelli Lowe. We talked about how Kelli showed up as an advocate in her local community and department after the events of Ferguson occurred. She is also a national advocate for policing and goes to Washington DC with other wives to lobby for benefits and legislation to protect …
…
continue reading
![Artwork](/static/images/128pixel.png)
1
Ep 102: The Impact of a Critical Incident on Spouses
39:54
39:54
Spill senere
Spill senere
Lister
Lik
Likt
39:54
Being a new law enforcement spouse can be difficult. There can be feelings of apprehension and fear every time your partner walks out the door. Many times, it can leave spouses feeling like this wasn’t what they signed up for. Jen Gudat felt this exact way as her husband transitioned from being a reserve police officer for free on the weekends to a…
…
continue reading
Trigger warning: before listening to this podcast or reading the show notes, please be aware that the content discussed involves sexual abuse and suicide. Adam is a former law enforcement officer and an FBI-trained hostage negotiator. He knows the challenges that law enforcement officers face in their careers and holding their relationships and per…
…
continue reading
In episode 100 Cyndi reflects on the journey from 2017 with her first podcast to now. To celebrate this milestone, Cyndi’s husband, Bobby, interviews her and asks his questions as well as those submitted by the law enforcement community. Listen in to see if your question was answered! Hold the Line: The Essential Guide to Protecting Your Law Enforc…
…
continue reading
We've heard the common story of an officer-involved situation and the occupational stress injury that follows, which commonly leads to suffering in silence. This particular story diverges when a wife decided she'd had enough and threw a book at her husband. That moment woke up this officer to see the impact that he was having on his family and hims…
…
continue reading