Episode 162: How To Inspire Healthy Eating For Teenagers And Kids

The Better Behavior Show with Dr. Nicole Beurkens

This weeks question is from Meg,

“I am needing advice for how to handle nutrition and eating with my 13-year-old daughter. She's got anxiety and attention issues, and we've known for a long time that food impacts her symptoms. When she was younger, it was easier to control what she ate. Now that she's older, it's become more of a power struggle. She's eating and drinking all kinds of things that are causing problems for her, and I worry about her weight as well. We just seem to be arguing about it all the time at home, and I'm not sure how to get her to listen. Any advice?"

In this episode, I will address how parents can help kids make healthier food choices. It all starts with how you are communicating with your child or teen. If the trust and good communication aspects aren't there, it's likely nothing will change. When you listen to one another and build trust, they usually respond by being more open to change. Modeling what you hope to see in your kids and teens is very effective. Kids notice what we do. And finally, in this episode, I will provide specific strategies on how to raise healthy eaters at any age.

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The Controllable Aspects of Kids’ Diets

• Focus on what we can control as caregivers such as the food we purchase and bring home
• Try to stay factual, neutral, and not let our emotions or future-oriented thinking, fears, anxieties take over
• Kids, even in their teen years, can struggle with regulating their emotions, especially for intense/or sensitive topics such as food
• When caregivers are neutral rather than in an agitated state, the information is more likely to get in, even if the child doesn't acknowledge it in the moment

Modeling Healthy Food Habits is the Most Impactful

• Be aware of what your child is hearing and internalizing from adults, peers, and on social media/TV about food, eating, fitting in, body image, etc.
• Be mindful of how you act and speak about your own body, weight, food choices, etc.
• Focus on what you can control by modeling
  • Not having a conversation with them about it when we're doing this
  • Not trying to force them to eat what we're eating -We're simply being a model of how to make those decisions and how we're thinking about those things (ex. when I eat X, I notice I feel Y)
  • Staying away from black and white thinking around “good vs bad” foods
    • It can create anxiety, stress, and power struggles

Weight Concerns and Kids

• It is critical that we avoid talking about food and eating as related to weight for any child, especially teens
  • This can set them up for dysfunctional thoughts and feelings around food and around their bodies (ex. diet culture and restriction)
• Instead, focus on food as providing information, fuel, and building blocks for our brains and bodies, and the physical and mental health components/effects

Are you Really Listening to Your Kids?

• Important to acknowledge and empathize with how they feel, even when we don't agree with them
  • ex. "Yeah, I get it, it feels frustrating. You know what? I remember feeling frustrated when I was your age, too. It's okay to feel that way, I get it."
  • When an opportunity arises that they initiate, spotlight (in a productive way) the food-body connection involving any symptom struggles they might be experiencing (ex. they are complaining about acne but they have been eating a lot of sugar and fast food)
  • Use that as an opportunity to listen, hear their frustrations, and what they're experiencing, and also help them make some connections with things, both in their eating and their lifestyle
  • Casually make the observations and open up those conversations by raising possibilities
    • Not doing the thing that's going to shut it down right away, which is, "Well, of course, you're breaking out because XYZ”
    • Instead, ask them what they think might be going on

What We Can Control with Their Food

• Parents need to focus on what is being brought into the home, groceries, availability/timing, where you choose to eat out, etc., and not micromanaging what goes on outside the home (exceptions for children with dietary requirements or special needs).
• Do not become the “food police” as they can make it much more likely that they are going to sneak food, not be open, not tell you what's going on, or develop anxiety and distrust around these things
  • This can lead to massive power struggles and breakdowns in our relationship with our kids
• Remember parent roles are to provide the food and when the child’s role is to decide if they will eat and how much

Development and Appetite Shifts

• Infancy and adolescence are significant periods of growth and require more food
• Suggest that all families have foods readily available that kids can access at any time if they're hungry such as fruits and vegetables and nuts.

Cultivate Open Communication with Kids

• Be a safe place for them to bring questions, observations, concerns
• Keep putting things out there and let them know that you always want to answer any questions that they have, hear how they're feeling about things related to food, meals, etc.
• Remember being open to hearing and discussing doesn’t mean you necessarily agree
  • It’s about acknowledgment
  • They really appreciate feeling respected in that way and feeling acknowledged

Better Brain and Behavior Diet Workshop for More Support

• I cover food, nutrition, eating approaches, tools, and strategies to implement as the parent, but also for the entire family
• There is an emphasis on eating to best support our kid's brains, which then helps to support their behavior, learning, mood, anxiety
• Feedback from current parents that having their older kids watch some of the videos is extremely helpful for them to hear it from somebody who is not their parent
• Visit drnicoleworkshops.com