126. The Kids Aren’t Alright: Parenting, Failure to Launch & Gender Distress with Laura Wiley Haynes

You Must Be Some Kind of Therapist

Laura Wiley Haynes returns to shed light on the complex intergenerational aspects of the current gender crisis. Why do so many young people today seem unable to launch into adulthood, remaining perennially online and disembodied, reportedly held back by feelings they label “dysphoria?” What developmental shifts have occurred in parenting over the last few generations that might explain this phenomenon?

Laura shares her insights on how the lack of dyadic care—one-on-one nurturing relationships—has contributed to a generation of children who struggle with self-perception and emotional regulation. Could the rise of screens and social media be robbing our kids of the deep, relational connections they need to thrive? We explore the implications of group care environments and how they may hinder the development of essential social skills.

As we discuss the alarming trend of young adults romanticizing their emotional turmoil, I ask: what happens when a young man on estrogen experiences mood swings reminiscent of a teenage girl? Is this a sign of deeper unresolved issues? Join us as we unpack these critical questions and more, revealing the intricate web of attachment, trauma, and the urgent need for effective parenting in today’s world. Tune in to discover how we can better support our children in navigating their identities and emotions.

Laura Wiley Haynes is a writer, a mother & grandmother, and a former CASA. Follow her on X @haynes_wiley.

Books mentioned in this episode:

Emotional Blackmail by Dr. Susan Forward

Episodes mentioned:

123. Identity-Based OCD: Dr. Elliot Kaminetzky on Trans & the Fear of Living Inauthentically

00:00 Start

[00:01:41] Intergenerational aspects of gender crisis.

[00:06:46] Impaired grownups and child distress.

[00:11:21] Early attachment trauma effects.

[00:13:06] Developmental needs and selfhood.

[00:19:39] Self-regulation and emotional responses.

[00:22:50] Authenticity and children's identity struggles.

[00:27:39] Boundaries and communication in parenting.

[00:30:28] Parenting teenagers and communication.

[00:34:26] Parenting and cultural changes.

[00:40:23] Failure to launch in youth.

[00:44:56] Parenting and boundaries for children.

[00:49:21] Authority in parenting dynamics.

[00:51:33] Strategic apologizing in parenting.

[00:57:07] Boundary setting in parenting.

[01:00:25] Parenting and children's disappointment.

[01:03:34] Parental honesty in difficult discussions.

[01:08:41] Reading between the lines.

[01:14:15] Cluster B behaviors and attachment.

[01:15:34] Cluster B relationships and control.

[01:20:40] Parenting and setting boundaries.

[01:24:40] The importance of saying no.

[01:29:09] Parenting and setting boundaries.

[01:34:52] Identity instability and self-perception.

[01:37:39] Hostage negotiation techniques.

ROGD REPAIR Course + Community for Parents is available now! Join at ROGDrepair.com and start using the tools immediately. Use code SOMETHERAPIST2024 to take 50% off your first month.

TALK TO ME: book a discovery call.

LOCALS: Ask questions of me & guests; get early access to new episodes + exclusive content. Join my community.

SUPPORT THE SHOW: subscribe, like, comment, & share or donate.

EIGHTSLEEP: Take $200 off your EightSleep Pod Pro Cover with code SOMETHERAPIST.

ORGANIFI: Take 20% off Organifi with code SOMETHERAPIST.

COZYEARTH: Visit CozyEarth.com/sometherapist and use code SOMETHERAPIST for 40% off their selection of bedding, towels, skincare and other cozy home items.

Watch NO WAY BACK: The Reality of Gender-Affirming Care. Use code SOMETHERAPIST to take 20% off your order. Follow us on X @2022affirmation or Instagram at @affirmationgeneration.

SHOW NOTES & transcript with help from SwellAI.

MUSIC: Thanks to Joey Pecoraro for our song, “Half Awake,” used with gratitude & permission.

PRODUCTION: Looking for your own podcast producer? Visit PodsByNick.com and mention my podcast for 20% off your initial services.

To support this show, please leave a rating & review on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. Subscribe, like, comment & share via my YouTube channel. Or recommend this to a friend!

Learn more about Do No Harm.

Take $200 off your EightSleep Pod Pro Cover with code SOMETHERAPIST at EightSleep.com.

Take 20% off all superfood beverages with code SOMETHERAPIST at Organifi.

Check out my shop for book recommendations + wellness products.

Show notes & transcript provided with the help of SwellAI.

Special thanks to Joey Pecoraro for our theme song, “Half Awake,” used with gratitude and permission.

Watch NO WAY BACK: The Reality of Gender-Affirming Care (our medical ethics documentary, formerly known as Affirmation Generation). Stream the film or purchase a DVD. Use code SOMETHERAPIST to take 20% off your order. Follow us on X @2022affirmation or Instagram at @affirmationgeneration.

Have a question for me? Looking to go deeper and discuss these ideas with other listeners? Join my Locals community! Members get to ask questions I will respond to in exclusive, members-only livestreams, post questions for upcoming guests to answer, plus other perks TBD.

★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★