100. Best Little Boys in the World: It's Time to Grow Up

A Jaded Gay

Gay men often grapple with perfectionism, navigating societal expectations and internalized standards that can intensify the pursuit of an idealized self-image. Known as the Best Little Boy in the World archetype, some gay men overcompensate in certain aspects of their lives, such as their career, appearance, and other achievements, to deflect negative attention away from their sexuality.
In this episode, we’re diving into the origins of the Best Little Boy in the World persona, examining research on how sexual minority men link self-worth more closely to achievement-related domains compared to their straight counterparts, and discussing how we can grow up beyond this archetype by overcoming our internalized homophobia.
Related Episodes:

• Listen to Episode 01. Hello, Trauma. It's Me, Rob.
• Listen to Episode 13. Perfectly Imperfect: Conquer Your Perfectionism
• Listen to Episode 85. Boundaries: How to Understand and Set Them
• Listen to Episode 94. Girl, Please: Say No to People-Pleasing

Additional Resources:

• The Best Little Boy in the World by Andrew Tobias
• The Best Little Boy in the World Grows Up
• The Social Development of Contingent Self-Worth in Sexual Minority Young Men: An Empirical Investigation of the “Best Little Boy in the World” Hypothesis
• Being in the Closet Drives You to Be More Successful, More Awful
• The Best Little Boy in the World — That's Me
• Queer Like Pete
• Why Do Young Gay Men Try to Be the Best?
• Good Little Boy Syndrome
• Best Little Boy in the World
• Superego
• Best Little Boy In The World
• 30 Ways to Deal with Internalized Homophobia
• Be Kind to Yourself

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1. Snarky Opener (00:00:00)

2. Episode Introduction (00:00:33)

3. The Best Little Boy in the World (00:00:59)

4. Winner of A Jaded Gay Giveaway (00:01:39)

5. Tarot (00:02:23)

6. Andrew Tobias’ Memoir (00:03:15)

7. Impacts on Self-Worth (00:04:07)

8. Self-Worth Contingencies (00:05:53)

9. Achievement Related Domains (00:08:16)

10. Deflecting Attention from Sexuality (00:09:40)

11. Example: Adam D. Chandler (00:10:06)

12. Example: Pete Buttigieg (00:11:04)

13. Pros & Cons of Being the Best Little Boy (00:13:58)

14. Living a Life Focused on Doing the Right Thing (00:15:51)

15. Freud’s Theory of Id, Ego, and Superego (00:17:37)

16. Hiding a Part of Our Identity (00:18:43)

17. Be Kind to Your Inner Best Little Boy (00:19:15)

18. Episode Closing (00:21:10)

19. Connect with A Jaded Gay (00:24:12)

20. Outtake (00:26:11)